Why Gnomes Hate Everything About Easter

Ah thank goodness this dreaded day called Easter has come and gone. This is one of the worst holidays we gnomes are ever put through. We have been in hiding all weekend, fearing for our lives. Although we are constantly terrorized and persecuted by bunny rabbits, Easter brings them out in full force.

Today I tried a new strategy….I dressed up like a bunny rabbit. I hoped that my clever disguise would keep them at bay and make less attempts to devour me.

As you can tell from my typing of this post, I survived the bloodbaths that those evil bunny rabbits caused our Gnome Abode. I can’t say the same for all of my brethren out here in the yard. I am still a bit too fearful to leave my post at this time, but I can tell a couple gnome brothers have been knocked over and dismembered. I can’t bear to even look without my ceramic stomach churning.

Not only due the bunny rabbits stage a full force attack on Easter, the neighborhood children provide backup troops. They run through the fragile alleyways of The Gnome Abode in search of colorful eggs, while having no regard for any gnomes that get in the way of their evil savage ways. 

It’s pretty ugly over here. I just wanted to let the world knowthat I am still alive and that we will be coping with the aftermath throughout the wee hours of the morning.

I am starting up a collection for the rebuilding our lives during this tragic time and any donations are much appreciated. Go over to Chase Bank and tell them you’re looking to donate to The Gnome Abode Disaster. They’ll know exactly how to direct your funds in the best way possible. Medical attention is needed and cleanup crews are needed, first and foremost. We will also be using your donations to invest in more bunny rabbit disguise suits for next year avoid such devastating tragedies in the future. We will also be using your donations to buy whiskey, because well, today sucked and those of us who survived need to get shitfaced.

Thank you in advance for your kindness during this wretched holiday of despair,

Alfredo The Gnome

 

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About Alfredo

OMG you have no freaking idea how excited I am to be a part of this drunk gnome blog! I have SO MUCH TO SAY! And SO MUCH TO DRINK! I spend most of my time sipping low calorie wine coolers. I have the most ginormous closet full of sexy gnomish outfits and props that I can’t wait to model for you. Today I’m sporting my spring outfit, complete with a daisy hat….because yeah I’m just THAT kinda gnome. I am super-dee-super adventurous patiently wait my turn for our Master/Goddess to select me as a travel companion. One of my arms falls off from time to time, but my gnomenurse says it’s just a flesh wound. I love you all already! HUGS AND KISSES!!!!!!!!!!!!

One thought on “Why Gnomes Hate Everything About Easter

  1. Pingback: Gnomes Discover Poison Jell-O Jiggler Eggs from 1992 | The Drunk Gnome

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