I’m the f#&cking birthday girl and I’d like to wish myself a happy f#&cking birthday! Come out and get drizzunk with me tonight!
It’s a Monday….yadda yadda ya. Get over it. Take a look at me. A good, looooong look. Do you really wanna miss out on all this!?I’ve been swiggin’ that Captain since 10am and am already half in the bag. The cupcake bag that is. Goddamnit I’m funny!
People are giving me all kinds of stuff today. Surely you don’t want to miss out on giving me stuff, do you? You never know what you might get in return….ahem….AHEM.
Caesar ordered me a stripper who showed up on my doorstep with a sign. I’ve learned that it’s not hard to find ANY kind of stripper here in Vegas….even gnome strippers.
My favorite folksy heavy metal reggae gnome band, Amish Meth Lab, recorded this amazing rendition of “Happy Birthday” for me.
AND my favorite gnome rapper, Lil’ Dimwit, recorded this version of “Happy Birthday” for me too.
Look at all the freaking cards the guys back at The Abode sent to me!
Awww I kinda miss them. But not enough to leave my diner in Vegas and mope around pretending to work in the yard again and shit.
Besides bragging about all the cool stuff I’m getting today, the whole point of this post is to invite you to come celebrate ME! TONIGHT!
Don’t even dare ask how old I’m turning today. A true lady never reveals her age.
WHO: Gnomes and humans who come bearing gifts
WHAT: Celebration of another year more beautiful
WHEN: Monday, August 27th at 9:00pm PST
WHY: B/c you love me and want me to have your gnome baby
WHERE: The Gnomecino Casino Lobby, The Strip, Las Vegas
Roxy The Gnome