That crazy broad wouldn’t let me go on the Florida trip with her and her manfriend. I have been by her side (and in her bed….ahem) for 10 years now! Where is the respect? Where is the loyalty?
I tried to sneak into her suitcase. Check this shit out:
See! I told you I'd fit!
And do you believe what happened next! Even if you do, I’ll show you anyway because I’m just that pissed off.
No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To make matters worse, she came home with a stuffed manatee, a manatee backpack, and a manatee necklace. I feel like I’ve been replaced. Life sucks.
Can someone please get me out of here? I can be reached via carrier pigeon. It’s a little known fact that pigeons and lizards mate in the springtime.
Whatever,
St. Bastille Day
Hey Mr. Day, Pippy here. I feel your pain. That crazy broad can be so cruel. I made a clay replica of you, and she de-limb-a-tated it. I fixed it up with some superglue and yet again she tore off one of the legs!! Don’t worry, we’ll get her back soon, I have a plan, text me. Oh wait, you don’t know what a computer is… or have opposable thumbs to use one. Just get in touch with me with a carrier pigeon. Chip, chip cheerio!