As some of you may recall, I suffer from a serious disorder that causes me to produce brilliant works on art in my sleep while completely unconscious. This morning I woke up with an average level hangover and a pile of drool on my pillow.
Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Wrong.
Look who I woke up next to! Okay, so I woke up next to a drawing on a piece of paper of her, not the real life tangible version of her. Irregardlessly, isn’t is beautiful? She’s ridding a white rabbit just like me! We have so much in common already that I feel that she already understands me and I don’t even know her name. Sure, there may be some racial tension once our families meet. She’s clearly a green-skinned alien of some sort and I’m clearly a stubby little garden gnome. But I am a romantic and I believe true love can overcome all obstacles…even unreasonable ones such as these.
I am willing to fight to the death against those weird flying balloon shaped thingies with glowing eyes just to be with her. Now come the hard part….finding out who she is and where she is. Hmm. Surely, she must exist outside of my realm of unconsciousness. This feels too real to be unreal.
I’ve put together one of those “missed connections” ads for the International Gnome Club Newsletter in the off chance that we actually did pass each other in the conscious world and make a real connection. Here’s what I got so far….what do you think?
“You: A flat piece of paper depicting a beautiful alien riding a bunny .
Me: The lovestruck gnome on a bunny you woke up next to this morning. 
Your flowing crimson hair captivates me and makes me wonder if the carpet matches the drapes. We are soul mates. Our bunnies are soul mates.
I propose we meet on Easter Sunday. Then I propose marriage to you. Then I propose coloring some Easter eggs and hiding them in my backyard for our honeymoon.
Surely, you feel the strength of our connection. And although I am posting this in the ‘Missed Connections’ section of the newsletter, I sure hope I haven’t missed you forever. I will be shamelessly drooling over and masturbating to your picture day and night until Easter Sunday.
True Love Always and Forever,
Pablo The Gnome”