This masterpiece is not intended for the faint of heart. Rating PG-13. Kids turn your computers off and go find a swing set.
You may have heard rumors about manatee abuse and the guide companies that support it. On my daily 5am swim with the sea cows, I spied an deformed looking creature hiding in the bushes. He was an evil gnome! He had a gun! And he was pointing it at Suzette, my most favorite manatee in the whole wide world.
BANG BANG BANG!
He got her! NO! He got her!!!!
I had to think quick on my feet. I gnawed off an anchor rope from a nearby tour guide boat with my tiny gnome teeth, threw the lasso around Suzette, and climbed on top of her. Suzette was so brave! If I had just a fraction of her braveness, I would have totally joined that fraternity back in undergrad.
I am thrilled to report that due to the best medical attention available in the Homosassa River, Suzette has made a full recovery. We are toasting with champagne at this very moment as she reads this blog post over my shoulder. She is considering getting some sort tattoo design around her gunshot wound scar as in remembrance of the dichotomy of good and evil in the world.
I find my remembrance by exhibiting my masterful work of art in the Shovel and Rake Gallery in Greenwich Village. Hours and location details will be available when I feel like showing up there.
Artistically yours in life and death,
Jerry the Gnome
I know who the evil gnome was.