Good vs. Evil: A Manatee Survival Masterpiece

Savior Gnome Rescuing Manatee From Evil Gnome

This masterpiece is not intended for the faint of heart. Rating PG-13. Kids turn your computers off and go find a swing set.

You may have heard rumors about manatee abuse and the guide companies that support it. On my daily 5am swim with the sea cows, I spied an deformed looking creature hiding in the bushes. He was an evil gnome! He had a gun! And he was pointing it at Suzette, my most favorite manatee in the whole wide world.


He got her! NO! He got her!!!!

I had to think quick on my feet. I gnawed off an anchor rope from a nearby tour guide boat with my tiny gnome teeth, threw the lasso around Suzette, and climbed on top of her. Suzette was so brave! If I had just a fraction of her braveness, I would have totally joined that fraternity back in undergrad.

I am thrilled to report that due to the best medical attention available in the Homosassa River, Suzette has made a full recovery. We are toasting with champagne at this very moment as she reads this blog post over my shoulder. She is considering getting some sort tattoo design around her gunshot wound scar as in remembrance of the dichotomy of good and evil in the world.

I find my remembrance by exhibiting my masterful work of art in the Shovel and Rake Gallery in Greenwich Village. Hours and location details will be available when I feel like showing up there.

Artistically yours in life and death,

Jerry the Gnome


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About Jerry

I am the king of all of the gnomes. You can bow down to me now. No, seriously I mean it. BOW!

I earned the title of Gnome King because I was the very first gnome that our glorious Master/Goddess picked up one hazy day at dollar store in DeKalb, Illinois. I carry a hoe because I’m just THAT pimp. As you can see, I love to smoke various substances and get tangled up in things.

I have everything to say about everything and I’m sure that I have made your life worth living again. You’re welcome.


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