Is “Gnome Flu” the new Swine Flu?

 

I hereby declare that there is no such thing as “flu season”. Flu affects gnomes in all seasons, you all need to stop thinking you’re only going to get sick three months of the year. This is your doctor speaking so sit down, shut up, and listen.

This year is turning out to be a record-breaking flu year. The Department of Health and Gnomish Services announced this morning that the “Gnome Flu” epidemic has already affected 64.81% of gnomes worldwide.

What is “Gnome Flu”, you ask? Remember swine flu? This is way worse. No pigs necessary! Is “Gnome Flu” the new Swine Flu?

 

SYMPTOMS OF GNOME FLU

Excessive itchiness and freakishly low fevers

Tummy aches and urinary tract infections

 CAUSES OF GNOME FLU

Drinking excessive amounts of booze daily

Excessive prescription drug use wearing silly hats

REMEDIES FOR GNOME FLU

Cheap chicken noodle soup in a box

Good ole’ fashioned ice packs and turtles

Call my receptionist to schedule your Gnome Flu checkup with me today. We haven’t hired a coroner or a funeral director yet for The Gnome Abode, so it’s really your best option.

Healthily Yours,
Doctor A. Chu, MD

This entry was posted in Gnomes on the 9 to 5, Injuries of Drunk Gnomes by Doctor A. Chu MD. Bookmark the permalink.

About Doctor A. Chu MD

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dr. Alvin Chu, MD LAC DIPL OM. The Gnome Abode Health Advisory Board hired me today to serve as the general practitioner for The Gnome Abode.

I suggest that you peruse the list of services that I offer and schedule a consultation immediately. You’re probably sick and a mere one day closer to an untimely demise.

***Office Location: 17 S. Get Well Boulevard, The Gnome Abode, U.S.A***

***Office Hours: Monday-Sunday 4:00am to 1:00am***

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