I hereby declare that there is no such thing as “flu season”. Flu affects gnomes in all seasons, you all need to stop thinking you’re only going to get sick three months of the year. This is your doctor speaking so sit down, shut up, and listen.
This year is turning out to be a record-breaking flu year. The Department of Health and Gnomish Services announced this morning that the “Gnome Flu” epidemic has already affected 64.81% of gnomes worldwide.
What is “Gnome Flu”, you ask? Remember swine flu? This is way worse. No pigs necessary! Is “Gnome Flu” the new Swine Flu?
SYMPTOMS OF GNOME FLU
Excessive itchiness and freakishly low fevers
Tummy aches and urinary tract infections
CAUSES OF GNOME FLU
Drinking excessive amounts of booze daily
Excessive prescription drug use wearing silly hats
REMEDIES FOR GNOME FLU
Cheap chicken noodle soup in a box
Good ole’ fashioned ice packs and turtles
Call my receptionist to schedule your Gnome Flu checkup with me today. We haven’t hired a coroner or a funeral director yet for The Gnome Abode, so it’s really your best option.