About Roxy

So whaddya think of my tits? C’mon. I’m the only girl gnome in this whole bunch. How could I NOT be a slut? I would certainly welcome other gnome girlfriends but I yet to find a single one. If you see one hookin’ a street corner, send her my way, eh? I stay out too late, I drink too much, and I find myself in sketchy situations on a daily basis. But you’ll love the stories that come out of it, cross my tits. 

XOXO

Roxy

 

The Makings of a Gnome Tattoo: A Photo Journey

Some gnome enthusiasts are hardcore about their obsession…even to the point of permanently imprinting their favorite gnomes on their bodies!

In the following photos, we chronicle one woman’s journey to becoming an actual gnome herself. A little weird? Yup, we thought so too.

gnome_tattoo_3inThis was the original drawing that inspired the gnome tattoo.
IMG_3769Where all the magic happens – Memorial Tattoo, Atlanta, Georgia, USA. And here we go…no turning back now!
IMG_3773IMG_3774The outline’s looking pretty rad so far…
IMG_3775IMG_3778

Master tattoo artist, hard at work in gnome creation.
IMG_3780 IMG_3786IMG_7884Ta da! The fininished product! Whaddya think? This little lady was oh so very pleased with the result.
IMG_7887And honestly, what goes better with a gnome ankle tattoo than a gnome skirt?

I hope you enjoyed this photo blog of one gnome-obsessed tattoo journey. Would you consider getting a gnome tattoo of your own so you never have to leave home without a gnome in tow?

xoxo,
Roxy the Gnome

The Day I Felt Up a Gnome

Hey gnome fans, Roxy here. I just celebrated a birthday and have been doing some serious soul searching since then. I used to blog in the category, Secrets of a Slutty Girl Gnome,” but now I’m starting to second guess my life’s purpose.

strippergnome

The tips aren’t that good anymore anyway.

Instead of slutting, I’ve turned to crafting. Somebody once said something about idle hands being the devil’s playthings. So in the spirit of playing instead of “playing,” here is the story of my first craft project…

In my regular following of “gnome news,” I came across an intriguing craft that I’d never heard of before. The craft is called “felting,” and this was the article: Felted Gnome Products on WCAX.com.

Felted gnome products? Whaaaaaaaaaaa?

I immediately began typing away on this Internet machine to pull up Susi Ryan’s Etsy shop, The Felted Gnome Knows. Felting, felting, WHAT THE HECK IS FELTING?!

According to Susi, “Needle Felting is a unique art. It is not an old technique, it started in the 1980s when some artists found that by using a machine felting needle they could shape wool by stabbing it . It takes many stabs, hours and bleeding fingers to sculpt wool but the results as you can see are terrific. There is something magical about wool felt creatures and paintings. It emanates warmth, strength and evokes a time when play was innocent.”

Welp, that’s enough for me! After a bit of browsing, I settled on purchasing Susi’s Felted Gnome Making Kit. A gnome making kit…just THINK of the possibilities!

What the heck am I supposed to do with all this?!

What the heck am I supposed to do with all this?!

A cute box full of supplies arrived promptly in the mail. I must admit that I was a teensy bit intimidated.

I settled in on the coffee table in the sunlight and opened up the instruction manual. Take a look at that white blog stuck with a needle onto a sponge-like thing. This is how it all began…

Head blob: check.

Head blob: check.

In an effort to bring more diversity to The Gnome Abode, I decided to create a brown gnome to join our clan. A rich hot sexy chocolate brown gnome. Mmmm…

You'd think those green things are arms but they're actually legs...GOTCHA

You’d think those green things are arms but they’re actually legs…GOTCHA

In practically no time at all, I had totally gotten the hang of felting. Basically, all you do is stab fuzzy stuff with a needle onto a sponge until it makes a certain shape. It’s a bit like sculpting, but involves adding more “stuff” on rather than whittling it away.

Hat-less hotness

Hat-less hotness

So in the end, this is how my first felting project turned out! Not only did I keep my hands busy and successfully complete my first anti-slut craft, but I also have a new boyfriend.

Finished product = my new boyfriend

Finished product = my new boyfriend

Whatever shall I name him????

xoxo,
Roxy the Gnome

P.S. – Have you tried felting? Share your tips or questions with me so I feel like I’m an integral part of the felting community…to cure my sluttiness once and for all…PLEASE!

Do Gnomes Belong in Renaissance Fairs?

Many gnome enthusiasts believe that gnomes originated in Germany in the early 1800s and that the first gnomes appeared in England in the 1840s. However, as I attended my very first Renaissance Fair in Bristol Wisconsin, I couldn’t help but notice gnomish influences all around me.

ren1

But wait! The Renaissance is categorized as the period of European history between the 1300s and the 1600s. So how did gnomes begin sneaking their way into these festival celebrations?

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word “gnome” comes from Renaissance Latin gnomus, which first appears in the works of a 16th century Swiss alchemist named Paracelsus. He described gnomes as diminutive spirits that were small, lived underground, and appeared in Renaissance magic and alchemy. In his publications, Paracelsus wrote that gnomes were about a foot tall, could move through solid earth, and were weary of human contact. You can read more about Paracelsus’ gnomes in Alan G. Hefner’s essay, “Paracelus’ Natural Spirits,” and Princeton’s history of gnomes.

But as I walked around the Renaissance Fair chomping on an oversized turkey leg and admiring the costumes, I couldn’t help but notice more trolls, wizards, fairies, and elves than gnomes for sale. One fair vendor selling mushrooms had a lovely lady gnome with her two children on display. The vendor revealed that he and his wife used to run a Renaissance fair booth that was all about gnomes and sold gnomes in all shapes and sizes. I tried to convince him to bring that booth back next year…we’ll see.

gnomes1

I visited another fair vendor who created handmade pottery sculptures of all kinds. As you can see in this photo, gnomes sat alongside wizards, Santas, and leprechauns. Just as I find with Christmas markets each year, identifying true gnomes in crowds like this is always a challenge.

So I ask again, do gnomes belong at Renaissance Fairs?

As I see it, the purpose of a Renaissance Fair is to take a step back in history to enjoy a day in another place and time. So while the true origin of gnomes is still debated,  gnomes have a special place in history and I think they would really enjoy the Renaissance Fair activities. And if wizards, elves, and trolls are allowed to attend, then I see no reason for gnomes to be left out of the celebration! Cheers!

xoxo,
Roxy the Gnome

*A version of this story is scheduled to be published in the upcoming International Gnome Club Newsletter!

Did your ex-lover leave you with a broken gnome? Send him to London!

I don’t know about the rest of you gnomes, but I’ve gone through my fair share of heartbreaks breakups over the years.

This means that I’ve been stuck with a house full of painful reminders of love lost – jewelry, photo albums, teddy bears, and (gasp) even underwear. Well apparently now, there’s a place for all these unwanted and unloved things.

The Museum of Broken Relationships is the creation of Croatian ex-lovers Olinka Vištica and Dražen Grubišić. This travelling exhibition will open on 28th June at the Southbank Centre in London and run until August 31st.

And apparently, this sorry excuse for a garden gnome is among the museum’s exhibits:

museum

Photo credit: Daily Mail

Mannequin hands, dreadlocks, and an ax are also on display. What a marvelous idea!

So what’s driving you crazy to look at and provide constant reminders about “what might have been?” I’m starting up a collection to send over to London this weekend, so hit me up!

xoxo,
Roxy the Heartbroken Gnome

The Making of a Gnome Skirt

As one of literally three lady gnomes living at The Gnome Abode, the guys naturally looked to me to mend their torn overalls and ripped shirts. Just when you think you’re living in the 21st century, right?

But I didn’t let my feminism get the best of me. I gave this wonky machine a chance, and it gave me a chance in return.

Sorry boys, I’ve found a new love. And it’s not you.

sew

I told the boys to bug off while I made something for myself. I’ve been wearing the same, tired old dress every damn day for years now. It was time I made myself a skirt…A GNOME SKIRT!photo

You wouldn’t probably think to look at it, but skirt-making is an incredibly tedious process. There’s a zipper, and a hook, and an eye, and this weird stuff called interfacing, and even though you have a machine you have to sew some stuff by hand.

Personally, I still think that whole hand sew thing is whack. This is the technology age for godssake!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

But after several weeks of trials and tribulations…voilà! A completed skirt!

Whaddya think?!?

Have you caught the sewing bug? Itching to pick up some gnome fabric of your own? Check out these awesome gnome fabrics!

Any other gnome seamstresses out there? I’d love to see your stuff. Red rover, red rover, send gnome pics right over!

xoxo,
Roxy the crafty gnome