Massive Pharmaceutical Company Adopts Gnome as Mascot

Although we don’t have many swimsuit-wearing gnomes around The Abode, we’re well aware of the famous mankini gnome.

Although this isn’t exactly NEW news, we just learned that the infamous mankini gnome is being used as a mascot for the human pharmaceutical industry. All I have to say about that is WFT?!?

mankini rghtside--371x247

The Boston Globe reported that Johnson & Johnson is using a mankini gnome to travel around as a mascot/trophy to a bunch of so-called innovation centers. This “trophy” is given to the center who was the most innovative last quarter.


They think a captured gnome held against his will (in scantily clad attire) will get their employees to be in the “right mindset.” Praytell, exactly WHAT kinda mindset is that?

Hey major corporation, we are a small blog run by gnomes. But you’re clearly benefiting from our presence, so we kindly request your response to this post. Please explain what sort of mindset this poor, defenseless gnome is giving your employees. And stop calling us trophies! Truth be told, we’re pretty good at accounting.

And please send some Q-tips. We’ve run out.

And baby shampoo. The young gnomes’ eyes are burning.


Lennon the Gnome

Gnomes Head to Jamaica for Lunch

It’s a little after 2pm on a Thursday afternoon. Where did you go for lunch?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe 9-5 gnomes running around here tend to stuff a turkey and cheese sandwich and a banana into a mini-cooler and schlep it over their shoulder on the way to the train. They shove said sandwich and fruit into their mouths while frantically typing on a glowing box with buttons without missing a beat. Meanwhile, gnomes become disgruntled. Meanwhile, said box becomes utterly disgusting.

Here at The Gnome Abode, we have started a new initiative. It’s called DON’T EAT OVER YOUR COMPUTER, YOU IDIOT!

Here’s how it works:

  1. Step away from computer 
  2. Find food
  3. Eat food
  4. Go back to computer

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERATo commemorate day #1 of this new initiative, we went to Jamaica. I’ll try to make you believe this was REAL Jamaica, but it actually was in Texas….just a short drive from the San Antonio airport.

I stumbled (laptop free) into this little hole-in-the-wall called Jamaica Jamaica. Yes, clever name….I know. There were lots of military humans eating inside because I guess there’s a base nearby and they get a discount.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThey played an awesome mix of old and new reggae music and the place had a super-friendly vibe, thanks to all the comments written directly on the wall with marker. We wrote a little something ourselves 🙂

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe food knocked my socks off. As an 84% vegetarian, I choose the spiced tofu with rice & beans and plantains. I snapped a pic of my buddy Zookwinkle here next to it! I’d eat that stuff every day if some Jamaican dude served it up to me.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMy only complaint is the lack of booze. However, there was huge sign posted about them getting a liquor license soon. Guess I’ll have to come back!

Although we didn’t have to take a boat to get there, Jamaica Jamaica is well worth a detour the size of Texas. I’m looking forward to see where our gnomes travel to next for anti-computer lunch!

Spechelle your favorite lady gnome

A Gnome’s Favorite Shot Glass

While trolling (excuse my French) the Internet this morning, I stumbled upon an article by this really cool writer chick about collecting shot glasses as souvenirs.

It’s no secret that we gnomes love to travel, and NO IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT BLASTED TRAVELOCITY GNOME. We were traveling way before his grimy paws took hold of the traveling gnome scene. Thankyouverymuch.

But back to my original point, we love to travel and we love to drink. So collecting shot glasses comes very naturally to us. Here’s a couple of us posing with our favorites:

photoWhether it’s smoking in Florida, hiking in Zion Canyon, photographing Yosemite, or waving our drunk flag high in Ireland, we like to remember fond travel memories whilst getting plastered. We’ll continue collecting, continue drinking, and continue traveling…simple as that.

So where’s your favorite shot glass from? What’s its story?

That isn’t a rhetorical question!
Pablo the Gnome

What GNOMES can teach YOU about your business

We drunk gnomes don’t read Forbes magazine much. Most of what we do (ahem, drinking) doesn’t make a whole lot of money, so we aren’t faced with difficult decisions about what to do with our nonexistent wealth.

However, a Forbes article caught my attention today. It’s called “What South Park Can Teach You about Business: Hint – Stealing Underpants Isn’t Enough.”


Even folks who aren’t into gnomes seem to be familiar with South Park’s “underpants” episode. In the episode, gnomes are subjected to pushing carts of nasty underpants around. To recap:

  • “What are you doing with all these underpants?” the boys ask.
  • The gnome confidently replies, “Oh, this is just the collection phase: Phase 1.”
  • “What is Phase 2?” Now the boys are getting really curious.
  • The gnome doesn’t know, so he introduces them to the CEO gnome, who fires up a PowerPoint presentation.
  • “We have a three-step plan for our business,” the CEO gnome proudly says as he clicks to the first slide. It says, “Phase 1: Collect Underpants.”
  • He clicks for Phase 2, which we see has no strategy—just a giant question mark. Phase 2 is blank.
  • He clicks again for Phase 3, and the slide reads, “Phase 3: Profit!!!” The gnomes cheer as the CEO reads this last step aloud. There is much rejoicing.

The Forbes article goes on to compare the underpants work of these gnomes to the modern human cubicle workers, who does know why he does what he does but keeps on doing it. It goes on to say that humans companies need to establish a clear vision and convey that to their employees in ways to make them give a shit.


It seems that not only humans need to give more of a shit, but gnomes do too. Why AREN’T we making more money? Why AREN’T we capitalizing on our own awesomeness? Why am I not on a boat in Maui?!

I’ve been King of The Gnome Abode for nearly two years an I can’t even afford a new pair of underpants!!!

I’m calling a town hall meeting, ya’ll. Everybody. To the big ass mushroom. NOW!

Your king,
Jerry the Gnome

Happy Endings for Canadian Gnomers

Good evenings, fellow gnomes. I felt the pressing need to report a news update to you at this late hour.

Perhaps you were following our prior story about gnomes popping up in weird places in Southern Ontario. A group of gnomes were displaced from their homes, renamed via green tape, and relocated to the town’s water treatment plant in the middle of the night.

Well, these gnomes have started being reunited with their owners. Roberta Smith was reunited with Gerome and welcomed him home with a shower and a blow dry.



Locals are looking for answers as to where their gnomes have run off to and why they suddenly decided to return. To find their answers, the gnomes have turned to literature.

Gnomes in the area are citing striking similarities in these recent happenings to a book titled, Hector and the Small People. Author and Celtic Connection gift shop owner, Mary McGillis, wrote this book that begins in an eerily similar way.

Are the perpetrators literate?

Are they Irish?

Police in Parry Sound are continuing their investigation. Anyone with information or who has reported a gnome stolen in the past is asked to contact Const. Aaron Jeffery 705-746-4225, or 1-888-310-1122.

Pleasantly unstolen,
The Book of Genesis the Gnome

Find out more about McGillis’ novel, Hector and the Little People, at