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Here’s a couple of our favorite finds today!
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DJ Spaghetti Sauce
We don’t talk about her a lot because well, she’s a human and this blog is for gnomes…by gnomes. But our master and goddess of all gnomekind, Gnomeplaya, originates from a weird little town called Olney, Illinois that is known for its albino squirrels. I couldn’t have made that up if I tried. They’re also kinda known for their gnomes.
Anyhoo. I came across an article today while browsing the Internet from the Olney Daily Mail newspaper. A pleasant gentleman wrote in requesting votes on whether he should leave his gnome coated in silver paint or paint over it with traditional colors.
Well, have you asked the gnome himself yet?! Because that’s be a great starting point!
Formalities aside, we at The Drunk Gnome hereby vote for letting this little guy stay silver. Like human, gnomes don’t all come in the same shape, size, and color. We are diverse and that’s what makes us unique and beautiful. Sure, traditional gnomes have red hats and blue coats. But says who?! No gnome governing body exists that demands we all sport the same colors on our exquisite ceramic, plastic, and wooden selves.
Among the hundreds of gnomes that live here at The Gnome Abode, none of us are silver. So I say, if this guy wants to be silver, then let him be silver. To be honest, I’m actually a little jealous of his even skin tone.
Hope that helps, Kevin. And we also hope your wife comes to her senses.
Kamikaze the Gnome
Perhaps you recognize me from my Hollywood days. These days I go by Tabitha, but I used to be known by my screen name, Juliet.
Contrary to what you might think, Gnomeo and I weren’t romantically involved off-screen. In real life, I’m engaged to The Gnome Adode’s king, Jerry…in case you forgot.
Gnomeo and I haven’t really kept in touch since our days on the big screen. However, like most former co-workers, we like to stalk each other on the Internet. You can imagine my surprise when I saw this video, which was taken in Yamba, Australia.
Watch it, seriously. I mean, what the hell was this dude doing in the middle of the street? He should really know better than that. Gnomeo & Juliet had all sorts of gnomes getting smashed and injured. Some bastards never learn.
And apparently, now he’s making out with dogs?! Clearly, he’s abandoned all his standards.
Not that I’m bitter or anything. I mean, why should I care. I’m engaged TO THE KING for gnomessake!
But I dunno….should I really contact this fish & burger bar so help him find his way home? Or would that look desperate? Or give him the wrong impression?
Working relationships are difficult…
Tabitha the gnome
Perhaps you read one of our articles awhile back about visiting the world’s largest concrete gnome in Ames, Iowa. Well, here at The Drunk Gnome, we like to pay our respects to first runner ups as well.
I, Rubber, got to visit the SECOND largest concrete gnome in the world!!!
Our writing team (who writes real good n’ stuff) is preparing a fancy-schmancy article to publish in the International Gnome Club newsletter. But you know what? They’re slow as shit, and I can’t wait any longer to share our pictures with you!
His name is Gnome Chomsky and he lives at Kelder’s Farms in upstate New York. He’s 13 feet and 6 inches tall, which is a hell of a lot bigger than I am.
I think those writer gnomes are gonna do a little bit on the gift shop and the mini golf course too. I express myself better in pictures, so hopefully they don’t get all pissy on me for spoiling their thunder.
Wait. Does thunder really go bad?
Blah-idy blah blah,
Rubber the photojournalist gnome
We gnomes haven’t stopped drinking blueberry beer since we first started chattering about it.
In honor of yet another day that ends in “y,” I invited a pink monkey out on a blueberry-themed date. Her name is Ginger, and even though she’s pink, she still loves all things blue…including my stylish blue hat.
On the romantic dinner menu tonight: Sea Dog Wild Blueberry Wheat Ale and homemade blueberry pie a la mode.
Mama Gnome always said, the way to a pink monkey’s heart is through her stomach. Her very rotund stomach, full of beans. Wish me luck!
Rubber the finally-dating-again gnome