What is this strange creature?

We are monkeys, hooray! Last night when gnomecow and gnomeplaya came back to the cow palace, they brought over a strange orange creature. It sort of looked like Fatty, but orange. And fatter. We monkeys went to investigate, and Crazy was all over it.

After a half an hour of saying hellos and peace offerings, we found out that this orange creature doesn’t talk. Or do anything. So we contemplated eating it

But then suddenly an army of fat gnomes came out of nowhere and started worshiping the orange creature.

If anyone out there knows what this strange orange creature is, let us know! Hooray! Meanwhile Fatty and I (Nappy) are going to go on a Monkey Rescue Mission with our fancy new helmets, snowshoes and trekking poles, hooray!

Peso’s Spanish/English Review of Freemont Brewery (Seattle, WA)

ENGLISH TRANSLATION (with pictures!)

Hey guys, Peso here. I’ve been hanging out with Zookwinkle a lot lately. He’s a ‘travel gnome’ and I’m a ‘travel monkey’. So you see, it kinda works out.

He’s a way better writer than I am, but I have stuff to say too. It’s mostly in Spanish, so Zook helped me with the translation. So hooray! Monkeys!

I’ve recently started drinking beer! Hooray! Drinking beer helps me get along with Zookwinkle when he gets on my nerves.

We traveled to Seattle together and stopped for beer at the Freemont Brewery. They told us that Prohibition had ended…ended at last! What great news! Hooray!

We bought something called a “growler“. It didn’t really growl at all actually. I was surprised they even sold it to us. But they did, and it was filled with beer. Hooray!

This is what we got a growler of, the Dark Star Oatmeal Stout. It was delicious!

Dark Star Imperial Oatmeal Stout Roasty, chocolate tones swirled with oatmeal smoothness and dark as the night. The Dark Star crashes, pouring its light into ashes, so follow as the Lady of Velvet in the nights of goodbye. This one is too smooth…and at 8.0% ABV, dangerous.

Down & Dirty: 2-Row, Roast Barley, Crystal-60, Chocolate, & Carafa-2 malts with Flaked Oats and Magnum, Wilamette & Cascade hops. 8.0% ABV


The brewery had fun games for monkeys to play and ride on! Playgrounds are one of my favorite things ever!

Zookwinkle is poking me in the ear and telling me to wrap up this post because I’m getting off topic. What’s a topic?








Hola chicos, Peso aquí. He estado saliendo con Zookwinkle mucho últimamente. Es un “viaje gnome ‘y yo soy un” mono de viaje “. Así que ya ves, es algo funciona.

Él es un escritor mucho mejor que yo, pero tengo cosas que decir también. Es sobre todo en español, así que Zook me ayudó con la traducción. Así que ¡Hurra! Monkeys!

Recientemente he comenzado a beber cerveza! ¡Hurra! Beber cerveza ayuda a llevarse bien con Zookwinkle cuando se pone de los nervios.

Viajamos a Seattle y se detuvo junto a la cerveza en la cervecería Freemont. Nos dijeron que la Prohibición había terminado … terminado por fin! Qué gran noticia! ¡Hurra!

Compramos algo que se llama un “gruñón”. En realidad no gruñido nada en realidad. Me sorprendió que incluso se lo vendió a nosotros. Pero lo hicieron, y que estaba lleno de cerveza. ¡Hurra!

Esto es lo que nos dieron un gruñón de la Estrella Oscura Stout Imperial. Estaba delicioso!

La cervecería tiene juegos divertidos para jugar y monos cabalgando! Parques infantiles son una de mis cosas favoritas!

Zookwinkle me está metiendo en la oreja y me dijo para concluir este post porque me estoy saliendo del tema. ¿Qué es un tema?



Sheldon’s Surgical Miracle

Even though I generally hate my brother Sheldon, I feel his pain. And he is family after all.

As you may recall, I was recently injured in a fishing accident. However, his injuries are far worse. It is true that he was in a bar fight, but you should have seen the other guy!

Maurice and I rushed to the hospital to find our poor brother being held together by scotch tape and missing a leg entirely. He was still half drunk off sangria and kept muttering angry words under his breath. I’m not really sure what the whole story is yet or what caused the bar fight, so I guess I’ll have to wait ’til he’s more coherent.

Much to our relief, there was minimal waiting time in the ER and the surgeon wasted no time using an extra large container of epoxy and steady hands. Pictured here are the hands of master surgeon, Gnomecow.

After a couple hours into the surgical procedure, Sheldon started to flat line. Reinforcements were brought in. Shown here is world-renown gnome surgeon, Happy Go Lucky The Monkey with TWO bottles of extra strength epoxy.

That little monkey knew his shit! By the end of last night, Sheldon was standing! Standing! On his own two feet! We thought he’d look like a freak show forever! I mean, sure, he does have a chuck missing from his leg and his crotch (please don’t ask for details), but all in all, he’s looking a million times more gnome-like.

To make him feel a little better, we compared battle wounds and realized that our feet were chipped off at a similar spot. I’ve never felt such a close bond to my brother. Stupid Maurice just sleeps all day, so it’s no wonder his feet are 100% in tact. He doesn’t even use his feet! Life is so goddamn unfair.

I helped Sheldon out of the hospital last night and he had the brightest smile on his face as he limped our of the ER. Physical therapy and all kinds of hardcore pain pills are in his immediate future, but he is going to take one day at a time. He may have to take a little time off from traveling, although I don’t dare bring that up to him yet. Dear god that wouldn’t go over well at all.

He is sure to have a lot of time on his hands in the next few weeks, as he is going to be somewhat bed-ridden, so you’ll probably see some posts soon about the adventure that led up to this successful surgical miracle.

Yours in brotherly love,


Fellowship of the Monkeys, hooray!

Hiiiiii!!! We are monkey and monkeys are we, hooray!!!

We heard about all the adventures gnomes have, so we went on our own adventure today, hooray! Fatty, Nappy, Crazy, Manatee and Friends and I (Lucky) went to go find some monkey cookies that we heard were stashed in the cupboards, hooray!

It was a long and arduous journey. We left on the journey from our comfy couch at 10am. We had to cross a vast field full of obstacles to get to the kitchen. First we traversed a monkey computer, hooray!

Then we came across a colorful, evil-looking skull. Crazy was the only one crazy enough to cross it. But he found the skull to be good natured, so the rest of us passed without harm, hooray!

After that we encountered an abominable blue monkey lurking behind a monkey totem pole. Nappy used his diplomatic skills to negotiate a passage. Turns out the abominable monkey, whom we found out is named How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck, was more afraid of us than we were of him. But Nappy did a great job making friends, just as he did negotiating the Great Gnome Abode Coup 2012, and we were on our way to the kitchen, hooray!

The final obstacle was getting to the cupboard. Fatty, Nappy and I built a monkey totem pole, while Manatee and Friends supervised. Crazy climbed over us to the delicious monkey cookies, hooray!

We came back with the spoils and have a great feast! Everyone had one cookie each, but Fatty ate three, and Binky (aka Mini Fatty) had two, hooray!

And then Crazy went off on his own to set off some fireworks. We were scared and didn’t take a picture, but it looked something like this.

Now we are tired from our journey. And typing. So we’re going to go nap with Nappy, hooray!