2014 Gnome Calendars for Sale!

Don’t become weary with the passing of each month! Think of the 1st as a new beginning to a whole new bunch of adventurous days. Staying optimistic in the winter can be hard…gnomes to the rescue!

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Jean is a kind and lovely gnome caretaker and a personal friend of ours! Her Gnome Man’s Land is located in Santa Rosa, California and she’ll probably even give you a tour if you’re really, really nice!

If you’d like a gnome calendar of your very own, to scribble all of your gnomes’ birthdays on or whatnot, get in touch with her. Jean’s email is [email protected].

Yours truly,
Pablo the Gnome

Some Kickass Gnome Costumes We’ve Seen

You have one day (ONE FREAKING DAY) to pull together your sorry excuse for a gnome costume. Our all-time favorite holiday is just hours away. We’re ready. Are you?

In case you’re sucking at life and need a little inspiration, here’s a few of the most kickass gnome costumes we’ve seen lately.

coolest-garden-gnome-halloween-costume-3-21298956best-costume-in-town-gnome-on-a-toadstool-11011coolest-homemade-gnome-group-costume-10-21296295coolest-homemade-garden-gnome-halloween-costume-17-21426846Mad photo props go out to CoolestHomemadeCostumes.com.

Now go flip on that sewing machine, work that creative muscle, and get to work you lazy bum. Tomorrow is the only day you humans can dress up like a gnome and legitimately get away with it. Go…go….GO!!!

xoxo,
Horace the Gnome

Gnomes and Ballet: An Unlikely Combination

Nothing is safe from gnomes. Not even the New York City ballet.

During my daily news browsing session today, I came across this article about new shows at the David H. Koch Theater. The only one I really care about is called “Namouna, a Grand Divertissement.”

Its hero (Tyler Angle on Thursday and Saturday evenings) frolics with three chic muse figures (Sterling Hyltin, Ashley Bouder and Sara Mearns), but his amorous endeavors are occasionally barred by an armored demon king or chief gnome (Daniel Ulbricht). The chief is assisted by two look-alike female lieutenants (Megan Fairchild and Abi Stafford — the gnomettes) and a corps of eight uniformed gnomes.

Apparently at some point, the head gnome relents and bestows the heroine upon the hero. Whatever the hell that means.

I’ve never been super into ballet, but this one has been described as trivial, absurd, and compelling. AND IT HAS GNOMES IN IT!!!

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However, I do have one problem with this ballet of gnomes. Where exactly are their gnome hats? None of the photos picture dancers wearing gnome hats.

I find this absurd. But maybe I shouldn’t be too quick to judge. Perhaps hats make an appearance in the finale. Yeah, I bet that’s right.

Who wants to pick up ballet tickets and get cultured with me?

xoxo,
Roxy the Gnome

Photo credit: Andrea Mohin/The New York Times

Get the %*$& Back to Work! (From the Labor Day Gnomes)

 

Humans in America are celebrating Labor Day today. We gnomes don’t really get your silly little holidays. As we sit alongside your porches, we’ve been watching you sip cocktails in the sun all summer. We don’t really see why an additional break is necessary.

But as The Gnome Abode’s faithful queen, I decided to bring a little holiday cheer to my laborious minions. May I present you with…

photo (1)-001A custom-designed gnome patch laptop case!

If you pay special attention to my fine craftsmanship, you’ll see that the hardworking gnome hauling a wheelbarrow (yes, flowers ARE heavy) is flanked by lazy ass bastard gnomes. Sleeping in a hammock? Sleeping under a mushroom?

REALLY?

Let this work machine holder serve as a reminder to you that the gnomish workforce is eerily similar to the human workforce. Lazy ass gnomes and humans outnumber hardworking gnomes and humans 2:1.

The proof is in the patches. Which gnome/human are you?

Happy Labor Day to all species, regardless of your worth to society!

Your queen bee,
Tabitha the Gnome

Gnomes on a Plane: The Movie

You’ve heard of Snakes on a Plane. You probably never saw it, but you probably made fun of it at one point or another.



Well, allow me to introduce you to a new terrifying threat.

GNOMES ON A PLANE!

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With their safety belts fastened!

Not smoking in the lavatory!

And passing martinis in the back!

***Stay tuned for the full movie preview trailer coming soon.

xoxo,
Lennon the Gnome