Queen of England Receives Gnome (and bunch of worthless jewelry)

queen

“Every item on an official list of gifts given to members of the Royal family last year provides a fascinating insight into how various dignitaries, companies and members of the public have tried to solve the issue of what to give someone who wants for nothing – often with hilarious consequences.” – The Telegraph

royal gnomesNot surprisingly, one of the Queen’s gifts this year was a GNOME. In less interesting news, she also received:

  • a knitted hat with horse ears
  • a plastic angel
  • a book titled Your Arms Remind Me of Pork Luncheon Meat
  • a 5-strand pearl necklace
  • 4 enameled scarab beetles
  • a diamond and tourmaline brooch

According to chief reporter, Gordon Rayner, “Official gifts to members of the Royal family are not their private property, but are held by them on behalf of the Queen. They can be consumed, used or displayed by the Royal family, loaned to galleries or, in the case of gifts worth less than £150, given to charity if they are not likely to be used.”

Hey, Royal Gnome. Hey buddy! Are you being consumed, displayed, loaned, or hanging out in a charity these days? What does the Queen really DO all day? We’re dying to know – write us back, please 🙂

Thinking of you,
Tabitha, Queen of the Gnomes

Friday Exclusive! Earrings with Gnomes on Them!

 

Know what makes a Friday great? Well I don’t know about you, but my Friday just got a whole lot greater once I received jewelry in the mail!

And not just any jewelry….earrings with gnomes on them!

Giddy squealing!

This is what they looked like when I opened the package:

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The people at Loungefly rock my world. We also have their gnome handbag and wallet. Whoop whoop!

I put a bunch of the new earrings of awesomeness into one ear….

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And then into the other…

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And now I’m off to the local gnome piercing shop to put some more holes in my head so that the rest of the earring set fits too. And then I plan to get a jump start on the St. Paddy’s festivities by drinking the piercing pain away.

Piercing Paddy Power,
Tabitha the Gnome

 

Love and Music – Gnome Literature Series

 

Almost a month has passed since that human holiday of Valentines day….are your ears still ringing with love and music?

Yeah, neither are ours. Thank god, that sounds like the path to a serious medical condition. But on a healthier and more reasonable, note, love and music are the topics of today’s edition of the GNOME LITERATURE SERIES!

Gnomes like to hookup just as much, if not more than humans do. Here’s the down & dirty on gnome love….

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THE CLIFF’S NOTES

  • Gnome courtship is awkward
  • Gnomes refuse to pick flowers because it’s the same as murder
  • Mushrooms make chocolate better
  • Beard kissing is likely to occur

Music isn’t just to lure members of the opposite sex, but it sure does help! This ain’t your average 5th grade band class…

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THE CLIFF’S NOTES

  • The gnomish instrument of choice is the gnomecordian
  • Beards are a useful tool in playing the gnomecordian
  • Beard entanglement often occurs after performances 

Hmm…we have a few of our own musicians around The Gnome Abode who might beg to differ on this whole gnomecordian concept. I hereby call upon gnome band, Amish Meth Lab, gnome rapper, Lil’ Dimwit, and gnome DJ, Spaghetti Sauce, to supplement this book on more modern forms of gnome music. Thanks guys.

Tootaloo!
The Quick Brown Fox The Gnome