Today I ventured out of my comfort zone in The Gnome Abode and traveled to a magical land called Newark, Illinois. Instead of carrying out normal, civilized days like we gnomes generally do, they buy bags of these strange things called Paintballs.

Newark, Illinois residents then put these balls of paint inside of guns and shoot each other. Brilliant!

They tend to shoot each other in areas of strange terrain with stacked blue barrels and structures made of wood. They just shoot at each other over and over and over. For no reason at all!

I decided right then and there that The Gnome Abode needs one of these Newark-style fields. And we all need guns!

I called an emergency meeting as soon as I got back today. I explained and pleaded to my fellow gnomes about the need for a paintball field and my plan to build one.

My pitch was not immediately embraced, as gnomes are inherently peaceful creatures. Only one guy  was quick to pick up a gun and join me. Every revolution has to start somewhere. Practicing on the paintball will even help us learn to defend ourselves in case of future troll attacks.

My gun is camouflage to help me be just a bit more sneaky on the paintball field. I’ve picked out a plot of land for my new best buddy and I to take over and renovate for maximum shooting entertainment. Instead of those silly blue barrels, I plan to install huge concrete gnomes to serve as shields to hide behind while pummeling opponents.

Stay tuned for our grand opening in the upcoming months. And if the other gnomes don’t like it, well we have guns… so whatever.

Shoot on!
Benjamin The Gnome