About Leonardo

I am the alcoholic that puts all other alcoholics to shame. I will be providing a good number of brew reviews….well at least until this crazy Administrator/Master/Goddess lady gives us a budget to start hiring staff.

If you can’t find me here, I’m probably in a gutter somewhere. It’s not like I have anything else do to.

PS – I tend to have a steady stash of mushrooms in my back pocket…..I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

Chug a lug,

Leo

Gnomes Support MOvember with Sexy ‘Staches!

Posted on November 20, 2013 by Leonardo

From what I understand, Movember is a human charity that aims to raise awareness (and dollars) about messed up man parts. Dudes grow mustaches and WABAMMM! Man parts be cured!

And just because I’ve never heard of a documented case of gnome testicular cancer or gnome prostate cancer, doesn’t mean our gnome parts are safe. If mustaches can keep us safe too, then I’m all for it.

I hereby declare that we gnomes are jumping on board the Movember bandwagon!

Actually, it wasn’t a difficult bandwagon to jump on since many of us have been sporting mustaches since the beginning of time. Here’s a few of the best ‘staches around the Gnome Abode:

Caesar likes to lick the frothy goodness from his cappuccino off his ‘stache. Leftover flavors from last night’s dinner make froth even tastier.

Zombies beware! This gun-wielding gnome just got a little more dangerous with a ‘stache and matching satchel.

IGetKnockedDown (the turtle) finds Chumbawamba's 'stache irresistible. Sexy facial hair improves dancing balance too!

IGetKnockedDown (the turtle) finds Chumbawamba’s ‘stache irresistible. Well-groomed facial hair improves dancing balance too!

Not all gnomes are capable of growing badass ‘staches, but those who can should rock ’em. Here’s to healthy gnome parts and vibrant upper lip hair!

Peace out,
Leonardo the Gnome

Gnome Sightings in Amish Country

Posted on August 23, 2013 by Leonardo

It should come as no surprise to gnome lovers that come cities and towns are more gnome-friendly than others. Some neighborhoods are lined with gnomes left and right, and others barely welcome one through their cast iron gates. Some states and countries are known for their gnome-friendliness as well. Germany, England, and California come to mind, off the top of my wee head.

But sometimes, unsuspecting communities even take us by surprise. Take for example a minuscule town called Arthur in a pretty lame state called Illinois. This place is filled with Amish people…horse ‘n buggy, anti-electricity type shit. Lots of poo lying around on the streets and such.

Not the kinda place gnomes typically make their homes. Ahem.

For reasons I’d rather not get into at the moment, I found myself in this odd place a couple weeks back. Much to my surprise, I was greeted with a warm welcome from a neighboring yard.

Gnomes seem to get along with their human counterparts here, because they willingly advertise the family names without due compensation!

It’s a peaceful place, without much of anything going on, so gnomes here tend to gather and gossip like little girls.

It’s also a haven for introspective recluses, so you can often find gnomes hiding where you least expect to hide them.

So how about your neighborhood….is it gnome-friendly or gnome-shy? I can’t seem to get beyond those butter-churning bonnets and ill-fitting suspenders, but I do have a little more respect for Amish country these days.

Sincerely,
Leonardo the Gnome

P.S. – If anyone spots a gnome wearing full-Amish attire, please alert me ASAP. I have a ton of questions for that hypothetical little bugga.

Another reason to hate cats

Posted on August 12, 2013 by Leonardo

Greetings gnomeites,

Need yet another reason to hate cats? Watch this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWuIGAZ1x2I

It’s a commonly known fact that gnomes and cats don’t get along. But like all commonly known facts, there are exceptions to the rule.

But these exceptions are few and far between. So keep hatred alive.

Love,
Leonardo the Gnome

PS – gnome poop looks nothing like cat poop.

Getting Gnome-napped? Just Scream!

Posted on June 11, 2013 by Leonardo

Apparently, gnome-nappers (i.e. thieves of gnomes) become frightened when you scream at them.

According to today’s Press and Guide article, a white dude in his 50s with shoulder-length, strawberry blonde hair recently attempted a gnome-napping. As he was shoving the poor, defenseless gnomes into a crappy Ford Fusion, a kindhearted neighbor yelled at him to stop.

Thank you, kindhearted neighbor!

The thief dropped the gnome and sped away. The condition of the nearly-stolen gnomes is yet to be reported. All we can do is pray for a quick mental and physical recovery at this point.

What’s the moral of the story?

YELL MORE! Yell loudly! Constantly! All of you!

Especially if you live in Dearborn, Michigan.

Stay safe out there, gnomies. People want us and we must stand our guard.

Yours in screaming,
Leonardo the Gnome

photo credit: pclouse

Secret Gnome Habitat Discovered in Washington!

Posted on April 8, 2013 by Leonardo

Gnomes found hidden in Evans Creek Preserve

March 25, 2013

By Ari Cetron

Some people have been prowling the hidden nooks and crannies of Evans Creek Preserve and playing a little game of “hide the lawn gnome.”

The activity has at least one member of the Planning Commission wondering how the practice got started.

“Who is the gnome master?” asked Brad Connor.

Who, indeed?

Brad and Brody Connor show off the gnome they found hidden in Evans Creek Preserve. Photo by Ashley Connor

Conner and his 2-year-old son, Brody, were out in the park in late August or early September when they first noticed the little gnome, similar to the kind seen in the ads for Travelocity.

The gnome was tucked away a few feet off the trail. When the pair investigated, they found a small tag had been attached on the bottom congratulating them for finding the gnome and encouraging them to hide it themselves.

Connor said he’s out in the park regularly and is fairly certain he found the gnome for the first time fairly soon after it started.

The pair did so enthusiastically, and Connor said the gnome helped make him want to make more use of the park.

“It encouraged us to walk the whole course,” he said.

Then, in the fall, the gnome went missing.

Whether someone took it, or it was covered in falling leaves, or it was simply using some sort of gnomish invisibility trick, Connor couldn’t tell.

“There’s all these little, unique nooks and crannies and gnome homes,” Connor said.

So, Connor replaced the missing gnome with one he went out and purchased. Then after he placed it, he discovered another gnome, different from the original.

Yes, now there are at least two gnomes in Evans Creek Preserve, and there may be more.

“It’s just fun, and it adds a bit of character to the park,” Connor said. “It brings the community together.

Parks Director Jessi Bon said the city doesn’t know how it got started, either.

“It just kind of happened organically,” Bon said.

She did ask that people hiding the gnome try to keep it within five feet of the trail. Evans Creek Preserve has some ecologically sensitive areas, and its best to keep them free of humans tromping around.

“Just enjoy the park and be respectful.”

Photo credit: Ashley Connor

The Drunk Gnome

Just when you thought your garden was sober…

Author Archives: Leonardo