Author Archives: Lil Dimwit

About Lil Dimwit

Bling bling bitches.

Lil’ Dimwit’s my name. Rappin’ gnome shit’s my game.

Don’t mess with me gnomies. I got backup with my homies.

Hos be linin’ up just to smell my red cap. I line ’em all up just to slap the best ass.

Download my shit on gTunes. Whack.

Lil’ Dimwit’s new rap single (“Shorty Was a Gnome”) drops TO-day! TO-day, bitches!!!

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Yo yo yo so my new rap single’s droppin’ so you betta check it.

Collaboration with Chedda Cheese ‘n shit even though those bastards don’t gimme no credit. I pop a cap when I need a fix. Ya know. Yeah.

Lyrics: [Hook] Three-foot-three, chin with the beard, I bet the whole club thought she looked weird. I didn’t know she couldn’t grow, shorty was a gnome, gnome, gnome, gnome, gnome, gnome, gnome, gnome. Children-size pants, opposite of large, the type of gnome that I would purchase for my yard. I didn’t know she couldn’t grow, shorty was a gnome gnome gnome gnome gnome gnome gnome gnome. [Hook] I had my beer goggles on so it was hard to see which women were the ones I should try to creep, So I headed for the ones that were ugly, that’s how it is when you’re Chedda Cheese. Fat girls come on, skinny girls come on, obese women come on, bulimic women come on. I don’t discriminate, I’ma mack that hoe regardless of her weight. But she was a little bit different, this one I spotted from a bit of a distance, But once I got her into my vision I realized I was really scoping a midget. Oh no, she noticed me staring, she’s smaller than average but that was apparent, I try not to laugh at her tiny appearance, but damn that’s a funny impairment. [Hook] Next night, new club, feeling like the bomb, Trying to get things on like donkey kong, But I couldn’t believe the first thing I saw, Another gnome looking like the ones I have on my lawn. Look around for a minute, now I’m surrounded by …

See yo’ sorry assess at the album signing. Check out.
Lil’ Dimwit The Gnome

“Bitches n’ Hos” ~ Lil’ Dimwit’s latest rap single! You heard it here first!

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Bitches n’ hos. Meet the bitch of my dreams and turns out she’s a ho. Tough shit, right? Aw shut yo face, I don’t even know you.

She called herself Racy or Roxy or somethin’. I picked her up hitchin’ cuz she had a nice rack. I grabbed ’em when traffic got shitty and they were pretty alright. Made a piss stop in Vegas today. But get this. I get back to my sweet ride and bitch went gone.

She pulled all this voodoo shit on me while we was high in the desert. Made me think she was my soul mate and some shit. Well never again.Silly go dropped her ID between the seats so now I definitely know her name is Roxy. Roxy Rose Rumplesphincter Jr. from some shithole called The Gnome Abode.

I drove around pissed off for awhile ’til I saw some schmuck with i-Phone and beat his head in so I would use his 3G and Facebook stalk her. You’ll shit yourself when I tell you what I found when I found her name…

http://www.thedrunkgnome.com/secrets-of-a-slutty-girl-gnome/roxy-hits-vegas-and-who-the-hell-is-this-gnome-named-humps/

Bitch has a blog! Ho totally ditched me and is shackin’ up with some sugar daddy who could never treat a lady gnome right like I do. But if that’s what ho’s gonna do, then that’s what ho’s gonna do.

Whatever, I’m headed to L.A. anyway. My fans are probably freaking out where I’m at. Oh wait. I got an iPhone now. I can totally Tweet.

The only credit I’ll give Miss Roxy Roxy Rose Rumplesphincter Jr. is that she totally inspired my new rap single. Check it.

Bitches n’ Hos – Bitches n’ hos

Yeah

Yeah

Hey ya’ll – take off your clothes

Awwwww

Shiiiiiit

Ya got a nice rack

Uh huh

Yeah

Get back in the sack

Mmmmmm

Hmmmmm

Gnomey don’t play like dat. 

All that copyright shit reserved,

Lil’ Dimwit The Gnome

Some Hitchhiker Ho, Judgment, and the 7 of Cups

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So I finally got out of rehab this morning. My manager sent me out to some shithole town in Wyoming to get clean. Said L.A. was my downward spiral or some shit. I’m 2 months, 17 days, 4 hours, and 33 minutes….oh wait 34 minutes….sober. For realz yo.

The bank finally let me get to my money and I picked up a new ride so I could get the hell outta Wyoming. Whaddya think?

I gotta get back to L.A. and start recording again. There ain’t any other gnome rappers out there that are worth shit these days. My fans are gonna be pissed otherwise. I got so many rhymes to spit out and they’re all floatin’ around my head. It’s whack. Gotta get ’em out!

So I’m driving along and this little gnome hottie is struttin’ by with her thumb sticking out. Naturally, I’m here to help the hotties so I pulled over. She said her name was Roxy. When I asked her where she was headed, she said “anywhere but here”.

When I told her I was headed to L.A., she nearly shit herself. Apparently she’s wanting to make it big in the music industry or something. Dunno how she planned to do that walking around the highway in Wyoming.

Anyway, I let her in my sweet ride. I suppose I can always use a hot new gnome backup dancer or two. But before getting in, she insisted on doing a tarot card reading to make sure it was safe.

I guess she’s into some weird voodoo stuff. Maybe she’s just spiritual. I might need a spiritual bitch to keep me off the crack anyway, so I played along.

She pulled these two cards….the Judgement Card and the Seven of Cups.

She held my palm and told me that she could feel my soul. Meanwhile, I felt her boob. She said that the Judgement Card came up for me because it symbolizes moving on from the past and letting go of the sins we’ve committed. She said the Seven of Cups “daydream” card came up for me because it symbolizes keeping creativity and self-indulgence in check to so that it doesn’t run wild and prevent goals from being achieved.

That’s some serious shit yo. I felt a tear. I felt her boob again. This Loxy, or whatever her name is, must be my soul mate. No one gets me like that, not even my boys. And that’s the straight truth.

See ya Wyoming….L.A. here we come!

Lil’ Dimwit The Rapper Gnome