Author Archives: Rubber

About Rubber

My name’s Rubber, cuz I’m made of rubber. Whatever. I’m the daredevil of the gnomish community because I can bounce. What you got?IMG_0603[1]

Beers as Big as Me

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Have you ever sat somewhere and just felt strangely at home?

For me, it’s in a brewery sampler. Brew flights are gnome-sized. This particular flight was promptly drank on the side of the highway in South Dakota at Crow Peak Brewing Company.

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See how perfectly I fit in the 11th Hour IPA spot! I’m assuming you’re a human if you’re reading this blog. I don’t blame you…it’s not necessarily your fault. But just stop to think about it for a minute. A beer as big as you.

Could you drink the whole thing? How would you reach the top of the glass? What would you do if you fell inside? Can you swim?

It’s a lazy Saturday afternoon with annoyingly high winds across the central plains. Therefore, I have decided to go back to this brewery and find my place where I feel most comfortable.

May the winds bring your over-sized boozed and everlasting enlightenment.

Sincerely,
Rubber the Gnome

A Gnome’s Opinion of Carter’s Brewing Company – Billings, Montana

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As I hinted at before, Montana has a good number of breweries. Billings, in particular, has four! I think I may have just found my dream town!

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On my Billings brewery tour the other day, I stopped by Carter’s Brewing Company. I didn’t know who Carter was, so I asked. The dude on their website is wearing a monk robe and holding a baby. That baby’s name is Carter. What a lucky baby to have a brewery named after him!

I must admit, I felt a little out of place walking up to the front door at Carter’s. It gave off a hard rock biker vibe and there was a metal band from Oregon setting up as I walked past them. It was like they’d never seen a gnome in a bar before!

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Once I navigated through the drum sets, I found a casino room and a whole lot of mind-shattering noise. As typical, I bought a flight and settled in to a long table near the back. It was a pretty bare-bones kind of spot, with plenty of barrels and vats to drool over.

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Here’s what I tried:

  1. Farmhouse Ale La Grisette
  2. Maple Flapjack Brown Ale
  3. Double Truck Red Ale
  4. Carter the Great Imperial Stout

The Farmhouse was definitely my fave. Although it was somewhat standard, it was smooth and done well. I promptly bought a growler of it!

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To escape the eardrum-bursting noise, I scurried out the back door to take some sips near the train tracks. These Montanans do love their warehouse train track locations…and after finishing off the growler, so did I.

Yours in drunkenness,
Rubber the Drunk Gnome

Gnome Brew Review – Montana Brewing Company, Billings

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If you’ve been following me around lately, you can probably tell that Montana has a good number of breweries. And you already know how much we gnomes love a good local brew!

Just take a look at the Montana Brewer’s Association trail map….what a great idea….a map of trails AND beer. Genius!

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Not all of the state’s breweries are part of the association though, and therefore aren’t listed. Like this one….Montana Brewing Company in Billings. Here’s what they got on tap:

-MBC Wheat
-MBC Pale Ale
-MBC Amber
-Apricot Wheat
-Single Hop Nugget IPA
-Holy Hooligan’s Double Red
-Custer’s Last Stout
-Bright Eyed & Bushy Tailed Breakfast Brown Ale

 

 

 

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As usual, I had to try them all. Out of all the breweries I visited in Billings (yes, there were three and would have been four if the other wouldn’t have been closed…Bastards.), this one was the most high-class and family-friendly. I felt a bit too skanky to be here with my muddy boots and wind-blown hat.

Good thing I didn’t give a crap and just bellied up to the bar for some liquid courage!

mbcMy absolute favorite was the Smoked Rye, which I see they don’t even have on tap anymore. Figures. It had a wonderfully smoky taste that reminded me of being out at the campfire. Now don’t get me wrong…I’ve had my share of smoky beers.

I remember trying the Smoke beer at Against the Grain brewery in Louisville, Kentucky a few months back. That was just too freaking smoky. I couldn’t taste anything because my mouth was full of ash! Last night, I tried the scotch ale, which was supposed to be smoky, at Madison River Brewing in Belgrade, Montana. I couldn’t taste any smoke at all!

growler beerI quit cigarettes years ago, but I still like a damn good smoky beer when I find one. I picked up a growler of it at MBC and promptly finished it on the walk home.

So MBC….THERE is your first brew review by a gnome. You’re welcome.

Sincerely,
Rubber the Perpetually Drunk Gnome

 

What’s Up With Gas Stations Casinos?!

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Howdy fellow travelers! As you may have gathered from my recent posts, I’m on a westward journey and making lots of awesome stops along the way. Just as I was entering the wild west of South Dakota, I was presented with a strange and unexplainable phenomenon.

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Casinos in gas stations.

I, for one, certainly can’t judge drunkards or gamblers in the least. However, I must say that I’m surprised by the number of sideline casinos in this great state. And they’re not just in gas stations! They’re in liquor stores, bars, grocery stores, restaurants, and god knows where else!

You might not know much about me since I’m sorta new to The Gnome Abode. But I am a bit of an amateur legal expert. I must admit, I conducted a bit of research on my 3G in the gas station bathroom.

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My source of expertise is KnowYourCasino….sounds reputable, right? According to my sources, it’s legal for random establishments to have up to 10 video gambling machines without a license. The machines take cash, but don’t give it back to you. Instead you get some stinkin’ receipt and have to take it to the Fatty McGoo cashier and make small talk to collect your winnings.

Another fun fact: “South Dakota’s  casinos have very liberal rules about allowing minors into casinos and virtually all of the casinos will allow children to enter with their parents until about 8 p.m. Additionally, South Dakota is the only jursidiction that will allow children to stand next to their parents while they are gambling.”

Welcome, gnome children!

Happy trails!
Rubber the Gnome