About Sketchy Andy

Maybe you recognize me from my badass You Tube videos of hard falls, crazy lines, free solos, base jumps, ropeJumps, and radical slackline tricks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdHqmnB-NNc

 

I met Gnomeplaya and Gnomecow at the Banff Mountain Film Festival, which featured my latest award-winning documentary. When they introduced me to everyone at the Gnome Abode, some thought I was crazy. Others accused me of being a lego figure gnome with a fishing pole.

I can neither confirm nor deny these allegations. However, I am Sketchy Andy and I am here to slackline your socks off.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM THE DRUNK GNOMES!

 

We’re all already half in the bag because Halloween is one of our very favorite holidays!

We’re hosting a costume contest later this afternoon so stay tuned for upcoming pictures! I’ve got my money on The Lady of Mt. Goom. She’s so creepy normally that she doesn’t even need to dress up.

What the hell is in that laboratory beaker!?

And Zookwinkle! Dear Zooks!

However did you get ahold of infectious waste! What is IN there?!?!?!??!??!!?

And what twisted ass gnome staged a horror scene with a bloody baby doll and a rat in a bathtub?!?! You all are messed up….

How are YOU celebrating the greatest holiday on earth?

Stay creepy, my dear gnomes.
Sketchy Andy The Gnome

The Lady of Mount Goom

 

So I was climbing some routes today and found the most peculiar thing when I reached the summit. I would have never guessed such existed, but a voodoo priestess lives atop The Gnome Abode!

After much deliberation, I got her name. She goes by “The Lady of Mount Goom” and she looks old as shit.

She said some mumbo jumbo about cat eyes and red powder. She had a bunch of weird crystals and potions haphazardly scattered around her on the mountain peak.

I was freaked the @*&$ out and didn’t ask anything further. Just one look into those empty soul eyes and I’ll never be the same. She wears a gnome hat, but how can that be considered a gnome?

Somebody needs to go figure out what her deal is, but that somebody sure as hell isn’t gonna be me.

Never gonna get to sleep now,
Sketchy Andy The Gnome

1st Annual Movie and TV Gnome Sighting Contest!

 

Dear beloved gnomes, humans, and everyone in between,

I am pleased to announce a brand new contest that The Gnome Abode is hosting. The 1st Annual Movie and TV Gnome Sighting Contest kicks off today and you won’t wanna miss out!

CONTEST RULES
1. Watch a bunch of movies and/or television shows
2. Locate one or more gnomes in one or more scenes
3. Take a screen shot OR jot down the time stamp when the gnome(s) were spotted
4. Make a post about the gnome sighting on our Facebook page

HOW TO WIN
1. Submit as many sightings as possible. There’s no limit!
2. Make your submissions by midnight on August 31, 2012
3. Deliver cookies to us. We DO accept bribes.
4. The Gnome Abode Contest Board (GACB) will vote on the top 3 sightings

WHAT YOU WIN
1st Place: Hand-sewn gnome doll from The Gnome Abode Sewing Club (GASC)
2nd Place: Hand-sculpted gnome figure from The Gnome Abode Sculpting Club (GASC2)
3rd Place: Hand-painted gnome portrait from the Gnome Abode Painting Club (GAPC)

I’m Sketchy Andy The Gnome and you can contact me for any stupid questions you might have. Don’t dilly dally around any longer! Get to watching stuff and WIN!

Good luck!
Sketchy Andy The Gnome

To Maurice – From Sketchy Andy – With Hate

Dear Maurice,

I couldn’t help but notice your recent blog post about being invited to tag along on this weekend’s Devil’s Lake trip. I also couldn’t help but gag up the burrito that I had for lunch  because this is complete bullshit.

I am outdoorsy, I am adventurous, and I have a goddamn fishing pole! Okay fine, so maybe I didn’t get my application submitted on time to join this trip. But that doesn’t make you the least bit qualified for an outdoor excursion.

Your brothers are so much cooler than you are, you lazy good for nothing bum.

We are in a fight. This means war. When you get back, you’d better watch your back, because you’re just jumped to number 1 on my shit list.

Hatefully yours,

Sketchy Andy The Gnome Who Should be Going to Devil’s Lake

Radioactive Fishing: An Alternative to an Otherwise Dull Pastime

The guys around The Abode started giving me shit the other day about carrying around a fishing pole but never actually going fishing. Apparently fishing is a popular “sport” in the gnome community and I’ve been called a poser five too many times.

 

I tried to explain to these simpleminded gnomes that it’s really a slackline, not a fishing pole, and that fishing isn’t a sport at all. I haven’t made any headway in this argument. It seems like it’s me against the gnome world on this issue. This stupid frame is hanging on the garage wall and I vomit in my mouth just a little every time I pass by it.

 

 

My idea of “fishing” is going out for a nice fish dinner…

Or making a sandwich in the shape of a fish…

Regardless, I was rudely awakened from my afternoon nap today by Cowabunga and Yankee Doodle and this instructional article was shoved in my face: http://www.wikihow.com/Fish.

Then I was dragged by the boots out to some po-dunk pond just down the street from The Gnome Abode. Apparently their plan was to make me learn how to fish against my will. Aren’t there laws to prohibit this kind of behavior?

Against my better judgment, I stuck my slackline in the water and this is what grabbed onto the other end from inside the pond!

I’ve never seen anything glowing so brightly! I’ve heard the news reports about all those radioactive fish over in Japan, but surely they couldn’t have made their way through the waterways to the local gnome pond, could they?!

Cowabunga and Yankee Doodle seem to have disappeared all of the sudden. WTF?! They were all gung-ho about this whole fishing bullshit. Then I catch a really cool looking one and they bail?!

I’m trying to decide if I want to eat this lil’ bugga or keep him as a pet. He keeps oozing green slime all over the place so I guess I’ll have to make a decision soon.

Advice welcome!

Sketchy Andy The Gnome