Brewing Up Some Tasty Goodness

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Think there’s enough amazing gnome-themed beers out there?

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Not a chance!

From time to time (okay fine….MOST of the time) we turn The Gnome Abode into a brewery and make our very own special brews. Here’s what is in the works:

  1. Chocolate Milk Stout – Drinkable 2/21/13
  2. Maple Nut Ale – Drinkable on 3/8/13
  3. Cherry Wheat Ale – Drinkable 4/28/13
  4. Belgian Tripel – Drinkable 5/2/13

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Brewing is a tough gig. It takes a lot of precise measurements and careful sanitation….both of which are difficult to maintain when drunk. But if they aren’t maintained, the beer will taste like crap! Life is rough, man.

To solve this age-old problem, we have decided to take shifts. Each brewer gnome has taken a vow of periodic sobriety and promised to not be drunk for two hours each day. This may not sound like much to you, but to drunk gnomes….it feels like an eternity. I’m on my two hour sobriety shift right now. I’ve checked all the buckets already so killing time on the blog and whatnot.

Whoop look at the time…..shift’s almost over so I gotta run. We look forward to sharing our brews with you in the months ahead!

Cheers!
Leonardo, Head Gnome Brewer

 

Hunting Gnomes at the Morton Arboretum

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Tired of hearing about how amazing we gnomes are? Well you have less than ONE MONTH LEFT to hunt us!Entrance, Children's Garden, Morton Arboretum

The Morton Arboretum in Lisle, Illinois continues to offer a Gnome Hunt in their childrens’ garden through the end of February. They present us all with the seemingly impossible challenge,

Can you find all of the gnomes hiding in the Children’s Garden?

td_tock_thingstodo_gnomehuntDirections are presented at the entrance of the garden to advise how many gnomes to look for, where to look, etc.

As vocal gnome activists, we fear for the lives of our brethren in Lisle, Illinois. We have reached a general consensus that we will storm the gates of the arboretum and rescue as many gnomes as possible before they are hunted by people LIKE YOU.

Who KNOWS what you’ll do with us if you are successful in your hunting endeavors!? We don’t trust you. Hunt away! We’re not scared! You’re no match for our wit and hiding abilities!

Armed n’ ready,
Starr The Gnome

Gnomes and the Super Bowl

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Believe it or not, we gnomes are really into the human Super Bowl. For years now, I’ve been trying to organize the GFL (gnomish football league) but I can’t seem to get enough guys to participate. So many of these wimps are freaked out about getting their fragile ceramic hands broken and whatnot.

You know what I say….MAN UP! But alas, one gnome cannot play football alone. That’d just be weird. And logistically impossible.

So while my dude counterparts may be lame, we are all pumped for today’s game. My new favorite player is this linebacker on the 49’ers. Looks like it’s been a rough few last games for this lil’ bugga.

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(Checkout Darkside Creations on ebay for more awesomeness).

Need more proof that gnomes are into football? Check out how many gnomes from various teams are sporting their teams colors! Some of you have referred to these gnomes as “sell-outs”…mere props for sports fans to give as gifts to other sports fans.

Personally, I have a lot of respect for these sports team gnomes because they have found a way to appeal to a broader audience and increase our presence in an otherwise ambivalent community of television zombies. Do you really think that sports fans would give a shit about us otherwise?! Probably not. So sports gnomes…..I salute you! Keep fighting good fight and I’m right there with you (in true Michigan spirit).

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So no matter who you’re rooting for this evening…we truly hope that you are rowdy, obnoxious, and appropriately drunk.

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Sure there’s the commercials and the puppy bowl, but honestly the booze is really what it’s all about here in The Abode.

Happy Super Bowl Day!
Benjamin The Gnome

 

Hooray! California Gnomes are Safe!!!

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oaktowngnomesWhew. What a freaking sigh of relief. Big thanks to our gnome scout BC for keeping us up to date on recent gnomish activism.

According to the Benjamin Sutton of, artinfo.com,

Despite widespread worries that the mysterious Oakland street art gnomes’ days were numbered after Pacific Gas & Electric — to whose utility poles many of the mini-murals have been affixed — threatened to remove hundreds of them, NoCal gnome fans may now breathe a sigh of relief, as the energy company has opted against the mass gnomicide, the San Francisco Chronicle reports.

“We received a great deal of public feedback, so we’re declaring the poles gnome-man’s land. We’re not going to remove them,” Jason King, a spokesperson for PG&E told the Chronicle. “We’re committed to working with the artist, the city and the community to find a peaceful resolution.”

Though the identity of the gnome-painter remains a mystery, he or she sent PG&E an email pleading for leniency in the Lilliputian figures’ treatment. “I’m a resident of Oakland who simply thought this would be a nice way to make my fellow Oaklanders happy and proud,” he or she wrote. “We see too much garbage on the streets here, too many shootings, too much violence, not enough that makes one stop and smile. … They were meant to be an ongoing gift to my community.”

The artist also contacted Oakland City Hall, which convened an emergency meeting with PG&E. “We are holding peace talks in a secret mushroom patch near the Rose Garden,” City Councilwoman Lynette McElhaney’s chief of staff Zac Wald told the Chronicle. “People love the gnomes, and they are District Three residents.”

Let us rejoice with really large mugs of beer!

xoxo,
Spechelle The Gnome

 

Why Dogs Are Really Just Gnomes In Disguise

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In case you’ve been drinking your brain cells and memory skills away, I invite you to revisit the gnome blog post from January 5th. It’s a post Seamus made regarding his lack of understanding about dogs on the day he met his first one.

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As The Gnome Abode’s animal rights activist, I was called upon to explain and justify these bewildering ancient creatures. Now, I’m a huge supporter of dogs. Do you know why? Because dogs are actually gnomes in disguise!

I know what you’re thinking. But hold on. Now hear me out.

If you trace the genealogical lines back oh say, a couple hundred years…you’ll see that gnomes and dogs are actually distant sixth cousins! Believe it or not, it’s TRUE! IMG_0944

Dogs like to pretend that they are simple animals. What a brilliant idea! If I could have the whole human race convinced that I needed to be fed, walked, and played with on a continual basis…I’d be set for life!

But when your back is turned…dogs start to look just a little more like gnomes…

IMG_1000When they are most relaxed and on the verge of slumber, you can oftentimes make out the shape of a bright red hat atop their heads….if you look at the exact right time. The second that a dog is alarmed or feels a human presence nearby, the gnome hat quickly fades away. It’s really sad how insecure they are.

I encourage all of you dogs out there to fly your gnome hats high! So maybe you don’t want humans to know that you can really take care of yourselves. I get it. But I’m not the only gnome who gets it. We stand beside you in your quest to find your true selves in this life and be the gnomish dogs that you really are.

IMG_1032Don’t worry….I won’t tell any of those stupid humans your secret. Just come to one of council meetings sometime and we’ll show you the true way.Not to force religion on you or anything, but we have a gnomish church now too. All dogs are welcome in our pews!

May the gnome-dog alliance strengthen over time and gain momentum in the days ahead. I’m not sure if any of you pooches and type, but you’re welcome to write a blog post from time to time if you can.

Your animal rights activist and canine supporter,
Ramon LeBeef The Gnome