About Horace

I’m that gnome who always thinks the lawn is greener on the other side. Sure, I’e practically had life handed to me on a silver mushroom, but still I feel that he is missing out on something great that I should be. My destiny is not being fulfilled within the confines of this spirit that I cannot accept as my own. I recently lost 0.04 ounces since I set his New Year resolution. I’m trying to stay motivated to work out and stop being a Fatty MaGoo. Recently I’ve has taken up rock climbing. Stay tuned…

Your Friday Gnome Tech Update

No, this is not a blog post about that ghastly GNOME 3 software that continues infiltrating our news alerts on a daily basis.

But like humans, some of us gnomes are more tech savvy than others. Personally, I’m most interested in the gaming side of tech stuff. ‘Cuz honestly, what gnome doesn’t enjoy a good drunken game from time to time?

First, I came across this Kickstarted project simply called “The Gnome.” There’s a lot of gamer mumbo-jumbo that you can gloss over, but I especially liked this part:

Originating from the world of Aruska, gnomes are creatures whose mastery of magic has made them “one of the more proficient crafters of magical items and allowed them to unlock the arcane potential of even the most mundane of items.” According to the lore, Pantheon’s gnomes are slightly antisocial creatures with a penchant for hoarding who destroyed their magical troves after a conflict with a tribe of humans. The locations of the new troves are unknown, even to the gnomes left behind.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like the developers reached their fundraising goal. So it seems all those poor gnomes will be trapped inside the game indefinitely 🙁

The second game I came across recently is called Gnome & Gnomer. According to the developers, “Once upon a time there were two gnomes who worked as the forest gardeners. Their most important task was to keep the forest flowers watered and blooming.”

Gnome & Gnomer screenshot

It’s supposed to be an easy-to-learn puzzle game with 60 levels. Those weird creatures on the cover don’t look anything like gnomes though. What’s up with those enormous ears and bulging eyes?!

Have you stumbled upon any other gnome-themed games lately? I’d love to hear from you and set up an official battle-to-the-death contest with you.

Cheers and happy Friday, gnomies!
Horace the Gnome

We’re Dying to Visit the Gnomes in Rock City!

The playground at Little Miss Mag’s new location features a miniature barn. (Photo & article: Nooga.com Staff)

It’s rare to see a Rock City gnome outside of Lookout Mountain’s Fairyland Caverns, but one made the trek down this week appearing at Little Miss Mag Child Care Center.

An obvious member of the Rock City family of gnomes, this gnome appears to be painting a message on a playground barn inside the gate of the new 225 Lookout St. location.

The gnome refused to comment about the nature of the message, however executive director of the center, Johanne Albright, alluded to a future announcement regarding the gnome.

“The playground, we hope, will become a certified nature explore classroom,” she said. “So, the gnome is sitting on the art barn.”

Albright said the purpose of the gnome will be revealed once he is finished painting his message. This could take a few weeks, she said.

Little Miss Mag is currently in its third location since opening in 1917. The company’s mission is to nurture “the preschool child of working parents at an affordable cost.” The center was one of the first day care centers for the children of working mothers in the city.

Albright is enthusiastic to bring life to the new location.

“It’s exciting to have a wonderful new building and have a nature explore classroom,” she said. “We’re still trying to finish this beautiful playground.”

Gnomes, specifically garden gnomes, are cunning and inventive creatures. They are known to possess a certain air of magic and are thought of as humanlike, subterranean dwellers. Chattanooga is full of these bearded miniatures, but the most famous gnomes are found at Rock City.

Making the gnome

Matthew Dutton is an art specialist at Rock City Gardens. He is responsible for creating the gnomes in his workshop.

Dutton said this gnome will paint a “classic message from a Rock City barn” at the playground.

Dutton constructed the gnome in his workshop before the installation at Little Miss Mag this week. (Photo: Staff)

“The point of the gnome is to bring attention to something that is happening,” he said. “We’re going to use a classic barn message.”

Dutton has made at least 20 gnomes during his tenure at Rock City Gardens. For this gnome, he had to construct every piece.

“I built the gnome,” he said. “I made the ladder from scratch…and then built the gnome to fit the ladder.”

Using clay for the individual parts, Dutton makes the arm, head, neck and body as separate pieces. He uses a silicone mold and cast of urethane resin.

“All the gnomes are hollow,” he said. “I do a think that’s kind of unique, a resin manipulation, where I pull out the body part premature so that the resin is a liquid.”

This allows Dutton to manipulate the parts before they solidify.

“That’s how I got the gnome to be tip-toeing on the ladder,” he said.

The mysterious painting gnome is currently hard at work on his “message” and can be viewed from the Hunter Museum or the the sidewalk of Riverfront Drive.

Some Kickass Gnome Costumes We’ve Seen

You have one day (ONE FREAKING DAY) to pull together your sorry excuse for a gnome costume. Our all-time favorite holiday is just hours away. We’re ready. Are you?

In case you’re sucking at life and need a little inspiration, here’s a few of the most kickass gnome costumes we’ve seen lately.

coolest-garden-gnome-halloween-costume-3-21298956best-costume-in-town-gnome-on-a-toadstool-11011coolest-homemade-gnome-group-costume-10-21296295coolest-homemade-garden-gnome-halloween-costume-17-21426846Mad photo props go out to CoolestHomemadeCostumes.com.

Now go flip on that sewing machine, work that creative muscle, and get to work you lazy bum. Tomorrow is the only day you humans can dress up like a gnome and legitimately get away with it. Go…go….GO!!!

Horace the Gnome

Row, row, row your boat (of gnomes)

We’re short, we’re pudgy, and we don’t exactly give off an athletic vibe. But believe it or not, we’ve recently gotten into rowing.

We read an article the other day about a gnome-powered dragon boat in Australia. Those crazy Australian gnomes are so adventurous. Apparently, these gnomes in a boat are rowing their way all the way to a whimsical celebration of Canberra’s centenary year. Although I’m pretty sure there are no real dragons in Australia, these wacky nuts have been rocking the boat since 1994.


If you slack on everything else today, don’t slack on this. Head over to the boat club’s website and check out some of these amazing gnome pics.

According to club president, Joe Murphy, “The gnome uniforms don’t quite adhere to the strict regulations for a formal regatta, but they’re fairly representative of the eclectic personalities in our club.”

If you’re in the area, these boat gnomes will be hanging out on the water this weekend – September 14th and 15th. Unfortunately, I have a prior engagement this weekend, so snap some pics for me if you make it!

Meanwhile, we’ll be on the rowing machine at the gym. Now don’t hate. Not all of us can be buff Aussies straight out of the ceramic mold. We’ll be rowing a real boat soon too…you just wait.

Yours in strength and soreness,
Horace the Gnome

Why Gnomes Make Okay Hood Ornaments: A Fable

Once upon a time, there was a little gnome with a taste for adventure. While all his brothers and cousins were content sitting around the garden, he yearned to see the world coming at him from 70 mph.

He considered riding the coattails of the Travelocity gnome, but he remembered his tendency to get air sickness and quickly reconsidered the notion. He petitioned the gnomish government and secured a high-ranking position as a hood ornament on a bright blue Jeep.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThanks to a hefty dose of epoxy, he little gnome rode on the the front of the Jeep for a full year. One day the bright blue Jeep fell ill and started flashing the “check engine” light on the dash. The little gnome was a little concerned, yet still confident that his trusty Jeep would pull through okay.

When the Jeep’s condition worsened, he checked into auto rehab. Despite his tiny size, the Jeep simply didn’t have enough strength to hold the gnome up any longer. The gnome was sad, but now understood how serious his ride’s condition must be.


Slowly but surely, the rehab nurses restore the Jeep’s health. However they forgot to reattach the gnome on the front bumper when they released him back out into the wild. The Jeep could hear the little gnome sobbing from inside the glove compartment and felt terrible about cheating his best friend out of an exciting drive.

Without a moment’s notice, the Jeep slammed its brakes and spun around 360-degrees. The motion caused the the glove compartment to pop open, freeing the gnome from captivity. Once the gnome toppled onto the passenger seat, he was able to crawl out the open window and position himself on the front of the Jeep. Pulling a miniature tube of epoxy out of his back pocket, the gnome squirted a dollop on his bum and settled in for a long summer’s ride.

The End.