I’m that gnome who always thinks the lawn is greener on the other side. Sure, I’e practically had life handed to me on a silver mushroom, but still I feel that he is missing out on something great that I should be. My destiny is not being fulfilled within the confines of this spirit that I cannot accept as my own. I recently lost 0.04 ounces since I set his New Year resolution. I’m trying to stay motivated to work out and stop being a Fatty MaGoo. Recently I’ve has taken up rock climbing. Stay tuned…
We’re not sure what all the buzz is about, but it seems that Zookwinkle has a side gig!
This website is far from informative or explanatory, but Zookwinkle is clearly advertising for it. I’ve been trying to corner him all day, and he’s totally dodging me.
Has anyone seen something lamignomish in your neighborhood yet? Some of their messages are dreadfully ominous.
Not the way I wanted to start off my Monday morning…
Horace the Gnome
Gnomes just keep popping in California. Not even Napa Valley is safe!
According to an article today in the Napa Valley Register, paintings of gnomes and mushrooms are springing up all over wine country. The 4×5 inch wooden paintings attached to trees and utility poles are wonderfully reminiscent of the recent gnome sightings in Oakland, California.
It seems the gnomes are making their way throughout the state!
Some of these new Napa gnomes are even wearing kilts. Now, I’m not so sure about that. None of us have ever worn a kilt. I don’t even know any Scottish gnomes. Someone, please explain this kilt-wearing to me.
If you’re in the Napa area, check for these newbies on Imola and Jefferson streets. It seems that the utility companies aren’t even gonna try to mess with these Napa gnomes. Hooray! They’re safe!
Things brings me to my next point…Lamignomes. Have you ever seen a laminated gnome on a Popsicle stick in a weird location. Well if you haven’t, you probably will soon enough.
Rumor has it that TheDrunkGnome is in collaboration with www.lamignomes.com, which is a delightful work in progress. Although these allegations are unconfirmed, stay tuned for updates about laminated gnomes, where they’re hiding, and how to keep track of them.
All in all, we are really loving all of the gnome artists that keep making news around the country. Keep up the good work!
Love,
Horace the Gnome
Photo Credit: J.L. Sousa via Napa Valley Register/Tom Borowski via Flickr
Not that springtime is well under way, we gnomes need to start losing the lbs.
According to some weird Oregon newspaper, there’s a 5K that’s made especially for our chubby ceramic legs. And it’s May 5th!
“If you are into both running and sustainability, make sure you get registered for the inaugural Garden Gnome Run, a 10k, 5k, and 1k event held on Sunday, May 5, that supports Benton County youth and sustainable, local food,” Matt Rasmussen writes. “The course itself, while still waiting for a visual map, is described as paved and flat. It will follow the bike path and head through SW Corvallis and Avery and Starker Arts parks. All entrants receive a tomato plant for their garden and a short sleeve tech shirt. ”
A tomato plant!? SIGN US UP!
Support the CSC Youth Garden, sign up, and get less disgusting!
Your wannabe fitness instructor,
Horace The Gnome
It’s March 18th in the afternoon. You know what that means…we gnomes are finally waking up from our St. Patrick’s Day hangovers. We’re hungry, we’re cranky, we have to pee, and we have no idea who is lying next to us. Surely, you can relate.
A lot of the gnomies were lame this year and didn’t start getting their party on ’til the sun had risen. Lil’ Dimwit and I were the exceptions to the rule. Fortunately, someone kept snapping pics of us throughout the day. That’s how we know that we hung out together, after all.
Full beer = happy Horace
Empty beer = sad Horace
Lil’ Dimwit never knows how to drink a beer his own size. Rappers are such lushes.
At some point, I’m pretty sure he guaranteed me a dance break solo in his next music video. God I hope that wasn’t just the beer talking. I’ve been waiting for my big break for so long…that’s really why I hang out with the dude to begin with. He’s kind of a tool otherwise.
No idea who this dude was. If this is you, text me. I think I have your sweater.
Five beers are better than one. This is not a holiday for minimalism.
Best of luck to you all and your hangover recovery.
Hip hip hooray…it’s March!
The March calendar gnomes are helping squirrels protect their nut stash. Word to the wise…we all need to be protecting our nut stashes. Check on that for awhile. Or don’t.
But March isn’t only about squirrels….it’s about the emergence of other creatures too. Namely, the lion and the lamb.
When I was a wee lil’ gnome, my poppy always used to set out my stuffed lion and stuffed lamb at breakfast on March 1st and ask me whether March was coming in like a lion or a lamb. Because supposedly, it would go out the other way.
As a wee gnome, I accepted this as logical fact. Today I question everything.
According to somewhat credible sources, the whole lion/lamb thing comes from an English proverb. In Wales, this proverb is applied to the month of April more often than March.
Wales is weird. Why do they leave out the “h” and do they even have whales there?
Although it didn’t work so well, the saying was used as a prediction contingent on a year’s early weather in the 19th century. Conversely, if the weather is nice early, it comes in like a lamb and will go out like a lion.
The Farmers’ Almanac says it’s all kinda bullshit. And farmers are never wrong.
Regardless, it’s pretty cold and snowy here at The Gnome Abode today. So I’m keeping my hopes up for an amazingly tropical 90-degree March 31st. Who’s with me?!
ROARRRR,
Horace The Gnome