About Humps

Occupation: Sugar Daddy.

Momma called me Hubert H. Humperdinker.

You can call me Humps.

Cuz that’s what I do.


Spend your Friday Night at Gnomecino Casino!

That slutty little gnome girl I picked up at the pool seems to be working out okay after all. I put her in charge of running the diner at my casino and business has been booming lately!

I have noticed that all the diner patrons are horny old men though. Now I don’t have a problem with that AT ALL because that’s the type of clientele that makes Gnomecino Casino some serious cash. Roxy made a couple complaints (which is strictly forbidden in the contract she signed, but I let this one slide) that the diners wouldn’t stop grabbing her boobs.

I tell her….Roxy! Cover ’em up and they won’t get grabbed. She tells me….Humps! If I cover them up we’ll go out of business!

Point Roxy.

So I hired a bodyguard for her. This badass gnome is from Austin, Texas and rides a duck around. Rumor has it that his duck has trampled gnomes three times his size. Those webbed feet are MAGIC.

He had some weird cowboy name that was stupid so I’m in the process of re-naming him.

If you’re planning to stop by the casino tonight, be sure to check out our live show on the main stage. I don’t know who these fools are, but apparently some gangbanger who goes by “Lil’ Dimwit” is rapping along side some random ass band called “Amish Meth Lab”. I have no idea what to expect.

I’m sure no one else has heard of them either so come by and fill a seat whydontcha. I’ll throw in a free watered down margarita to the first 5 gnomes who show up.

Later bitches,

Humps the Gnome