About Kamikaze

Are “Ornamental Hermits” the New Gnomes?

Wondering what to buy that person who has everything for Christmas this year?

hermitA University of Leicester academic has suggested one of history’s most bizarre garden accessories: an ‘ornamental’ hermit.

Professor Gordon Campbell says that ornamental hermits can help you manage your winter blues. And you’d be in good company doing so.” The wealthy 18th century landowners who indulged in the practice would ‘outsource’ their melancholy while enjoying life to the full,” he explained.

This guy investigated the little known history of ornamental hermits and wrote “The Hermit in the Garden: From Imperial Rome to Garden Gnome.”

Sometimes these hermits (i.e. gnomes) were imaginary and sometimes they were REAL! “Hermits were often hired for seven years, required to refrain from cutting their hair or washing and had to live austerely. They could receive up to £600 in return, enough to never work again.”

hermit2-617x416So what’s this all mean for Christmas, you ask? Well you ask, and I answer.

“It meant that the busy CEO could outsource his melancholy, contemplative side, embodying it in a hermit for hire,” Campbell said. “The ideal of living frugally did not therefore inhibit the good life. It’s a bit like bankers carving turkeys for the homeless on Christmas Day.”

We drunk gnomes are a little suspicious of these ornamental hermits, but it’s certainly an interesting concept to ponder while gazing out the window on a rainy day.

Holiday cheer with a beer,
Kamikaze the gnome

Today’s edition of: GNOME, OR NO GNOME?


Or no gnome?


This confused little being was discovered at Cranberry’s Antiques in Blanco, Texas. She kinda looks like a gnome, but then again, she could be an elf or a human toddler wearing a floppy hat.

You don’t see many gnome kids around in public, so the task of “gnome identification” becomes harder than usual. She also lives in an antique store, so perhaps people from decades ago saw gnomes a bit differently.

So the choice is up to you. You be the judge.

Gnome or no gnome?

Gnome Collection World Record Holder, Ann Atkin, is our hero!

Happy Friday, Gnomies!

If you do one thing right today, do this. Watch this BBC interview with our hero, Ann Atkin. She has an amazing story and there is so much gnome eye candy in the background of this interview.


She has over 2,000 gnomes in her English reserve and we want to visit with each and every one of them more than anything in the world. Why are flight prices to Europe so dang expensive?! It’s not like we even take up a whole seat on the plane!

Le sigh.

I’m going to go drown my financial sorrows away in a flask of rum and watch that video a few more times.

Kamikaze the Gnome


Vote for a Silver Gnome!

Howdy ho.

We don’t talk about her a lot because well, she’s a human and this blog is for gnomes…by gnomes. But our master and goddess of all gnomekind, Gnomeplaya, originates from a weird little town called Olney, Illinois that is known for its albino squirrels. I couldn’t have made that up if I tried. They’re also kinda known for their gnomes.

Anyhoo. I came across an article today while browsing the Internet from the Olney Daily Mail newspaper. A pleasant gentleman wrote in requesting votes on whether he should leave his gnome coated in silver paint or paint over it with traditional colors.


Well, have you asked the gnome himself yet?! Because that’s be a great starting point!

Formalities aside, we at The Drunk Gnome hereby vote for letting this little guy stay silver. Like human, gnomes don’t all come in the same shape, size, and color. We are diverse and that’s what makes us unique and beautiful. Sure, traditional gnomes have red hats and blue coats. But says who?! No gnome governing body exists that demands we all sport the same colors on our exquisite ceramic, plastic, and wooden selves.

Among the hundreds of gnomes that live here at The Gnome Abode, none of us are silver. So I say, if this guy wants to be silver, then let him be silver. To be honest, I’m actually a little jealous of his even skin tone.

Hope that helps, Kevin. And we also hope your wife comes to her senses.

Sincerely yours,
Kamikaze the Gnome


We’re not the only ones pissed off at IKEA…

Perhaps you read a recent post of mine about boycotting IKEA for their horrendous anti-gnome commercial.

Well, we’re not the only ones pissed off.

According to the Huffington Post, the United Kingdom’s Advertising Standards Authority has received about 50 complaints about the commercial. (And only 49 of them were from us! So thank you…whoever you are!)


IKEA’s response is completely unacceptable and makes us want to puke our turkey sandwiches all over its cute lil’ dorm room tables. Marketing manager for IKEA’s UK branch said that the commercial was, “merely a ‘light-hearted’ way of showing a family defying the ultimate embodiment of everything that’s tired and dreary about British gardens – the garden gnome.”



Clearly, you have NOT been reading this blog, Mr. Peter Wright!

Outrage and debate is spreading throughout the world…and rightfully so. New Zealand’s seems to support us…thanks guys. However, Australia is teaming up AGAINST us! Try not to smash a human’s face in as you read this Ad News article who questions the legitimacy of us 50 complainers.


Not that we’re biased or anything, but if you’re not with us, you’re against us. Have a couple beers to calm your nerves first and then give this commercial a view for yourself.

The boycott of IKEA continues, but we’re not stopping there. Oh no, no, no. This violence against gnomes has gone TOO FAR! The Gnome Abode is seeking a military general to lead us in an epic battle of gnome-sized proportions. Gnomes hold down a lot of careers over here, but we’re severely lacking in military support. Now is the time to protect ourselves.

Qualified applicants for the position of gnome military general should apply via blog post by the end of the week.

Still super pissed off,
Kamikaze the Gnome

Photo credit: Huffington Post