About McCartney

As a world-renown English musician, singer-songwriter and composer, I am listed in the Guinness World Records as the “most successful musician and composer in popular gnome music history”, with 60 gold disks and sales of 100 million singles in the United Kingdom alone.

I am the founder and backbone of Amish Meth Lab. I am the responsible one who schedules band practices and gets books all our gigs. Without me, those other jackoffs would still be playing in my ex-girlfriend’s basement. I have mastered every instrument that a gnome is capable of holding. However, my most recent passion is singing and conducting with a magical wand of pixie dust. A sprinkling of meth dust is emitted from the tip of the magical wand, and suddenly audiences love us!

Amish Meth Lab makes a comeback in Seattle with Rap Aspirations

Life has been grim for the members of Amish Meth Lab in recent days. No venues have returned our calls. We haven’t showered or shaved in weeks. No one has gotten laid in awhile. And we pretty much all hate each other.

I also made the tragic mistake of letting Ringo drive the tour van for awhile. Lo and behold, here we are in Seattle! Seattle?! This is in the complete opposite direction that we were heading.

But eh. I’ve heard Seattle is good for bands. It worked for Nirvana. Er, maybe it didn’t. Hmm. Moving on.

Harrison said he knew a mini gnome that worked at an Asian bakery in Seattle that might be able to hook us up with some food and a place to stay. We stopped in at the bakery and turns out he’s a greeter at the front door. You might not even be able to see him very well in this picture….he’s hiding inside the basket that the creepy marshmallow dude is holding.

Anyway the little dude, who called himself Pocahoncho, slipped us some delicious puff pastries from the outer edges of the trash bins. There were raspberry pastries, chocolate pastries….you name it! Trash had never tasted so scrumptious!

Harrison asked Pocahoncho if he had some floor space we could crash on for the night so we could get out of the van for a little while. Unfortunately, Pocahoncho was somewhat homeless himself and just slept in the broom closet between his shifts.

He said he knew a guy who knew a guy who was once a body guard for the famous rapper named Lil’ Dimwit. The body guard was the only gnome Pocahoncho knew who owned his own place in Seattle. He made a few calls and within an hour, this former body guard gnome in a wonderfully sketchy neighborhood opened his door to us. Cockroaches are like butterflies in some cultures, I’m told.

The guys and I have been lying awake all night brushing off the roaches and talking about how having a rapper in the group might be just the thing we need. I mean, we’re already fusing together the most brilliant sounds of reggae, hard rock, and jazz. Perhaps what we’re missing is a rap component. We’re getting pretty desperate so we’re actually pretty willing to try anything.

Viva la rap!

Assuming we survive the night without getting shot, our next plan is to coerce this body guard host into revealing the location of aforementioned rapper in order to join forces and make big BIG success!

Jigga jigga what (yells the thug)

Der der der der der der der der der – (plays the banjo)’

McCartney The Gnome and Lead Everything of Amish Meth Lab

 

TONIGHT! Don’t miss the backstage pass opportunity at Amish Meth’s Lab debut performance!

Hey Fans!!!

Lennon, Harrison, Starr and I are totally pumped for our show tonight and can’t wait to see your hot asses in the crowd at the Cow Palace!

As our most loyal followers, we’re offering four additional backstage passes to let some lucky fans get to know us up close and personal. Send me a telepathic message for your chance to win!

Harrison is already slurring his speech and swinging around a bottle of brandy. Starr is doing upside down naked yoga poses in the changing room. Lennon and I have been bickering all day about the set list, but eventually I’m sure he’ll realize that I’m right.

Make sure and stop by to chat with our band promoters and pick up some fan gear at our merch table on the way in!

Bright lights, sales figures, and rock & roll,

McCartney The Rocker Gnome

 

Introducing McCartney! The lead singer for Amish Meth Lab!!!

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is McCartney and I am most pleased to make your acquaintance.

As a world-renown English musician, singer-songwriter and composer, I am listed in the Guinness World Records as the “most successful musician and composer in popular gnome music history”, with 60 gold disks and sales of 100 million singles in the United Kingdom alone.

 

I am the founder and backbone of Amish Meth Lab. I am the responsible one who schedules band practices and gets books all our gigs. Without me, those other jackoffs would still be playing in my ex-girlfriend’s basement. I have mastered every instrument that a gnome is capable of holding. However, my most recent passion is singing and conducting with a magical wand of “pixie” dust. A sprinkling of “pixie” dust is emitted from the tip of the magical wand, and suddenly our audiences love us!

Peace, love, and rock & roll,

McCartney The Gnome