Author Archives: Roxy

About Roxy

So whaddya think of my tits? C’mon. I’m the only girl gnome in this whole bunch. How could I NOT be a slut? I would certainly welcome other gnome girlfriends but I yet to find a single one. If you see one hookin’ a street corner, send her my way, eh? I stay out too late, I drink too much, and I find myself in sketchy situations on a daily basis. But you’ll love the stories that come out of it, cross my tits. 

XOXO

Roxy

 

Naked Chick Poses with Gnomes…WHAT?!?

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Gnome news generally revolves around gnomes getting stolen or celebrities painting gnomes for charity. However, yesterday we came across some gnome news that REALLY took us by surprise.

She goes by the name Aella, and she poses nude for Internet. Okay, nothing really all that shocking there.

But here’s the twist….she poses NUDE WITH GNOMES.

aella gnomes

Web forum, Reddit, has a subgroup called “gw” with plenty of ladies looking to strut their stuff for strangers. To stand out from the crowd, Aella’s gimmick is to pose nude while being ASSAULTED* by evil garden gnomes.

*Disclaimer – gnome assault is an unfounded myth. No actual gnome assaults have been reported in the history of gnomekind.

Viewers fell in love with her gnome gimmick and she was actually the forum’s most popular naked woman in 2013. The forum has over 500,000 members.

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“People are so used to watching girls take themselves seriously when it comes to sexuality,” she told The Daily Dot. “I don’t care about looking pretty. I care about making people laugh. People need to realize you’re a human being.”

According to Inquisitr, she grew up in a super-Christian household, and this appears to be a really unique form of rebellion. And apparently, she makes more money doing this than if she went to college and worked a regular job for 10 years.

Are you intrigued? Because we certainly are! We just started stalking her on Twitter, so this should be interesting…

xoxo,
Roxy the Gnome

“How I Met Your Mother” Star Buys Gnome Rug

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We aren’t exactly into the tabloid scene, but one particular headline caught our attention today.

Alyson Hannigan, star of that CBS prime time show that just WON’T GO AWAY was spotted buying a gnome rug. And just when you Buffy fans were starting to lose hope in humanity.

The poor 39-year old (wow, 39…really?) actress was ambushed by paparazzi on Tuesday buying shit at Paper Source in L.A. Among said shit was a holiday doormat that read “There’s no place like gnome.”

True dat, Alyson. True dat.

Alyson

Turn that gnome mat around, girl, and let us see the goods!

Apparently, she was so overtaken with excitement over her new gnome mat that she forgot her sunglasses in the store and had to go back in to get them. Life’s rough, right?

A big deal was also made about an altercation with a parking meter. I feel ya, girl. Those things are whack.

It’s always nice to see the rich and famous supporting gnome causes in the name of holiday consumerism. Have you seen any celebrities with gnomes lately? Please share! Our voyeuristic inferiority complex thanks you in advance.

Your Celebrity Gnews Contributor,
Roxy

Photo credit: Daily Mail/Splash

Halloween Hangover, Gnome Edition (OMG IT’S DAY OF THE DEAD!)

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Most of us are just waking up now from our Halloween outings, and most of us are still in costumes. There are few more entertaining sights in the world than a bunch of gnomes doing walks of shame in torn and stained costumes.

Here’s just a sampling of what I found on my camera when I woke up this afternoon:

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You fill in the blanks.

What’s that, Humps…what? Today is another holiday? It’s the Day of the Dead! OMG why are we not throwing a party yet. Somebody! Get me some skeletons!

Your last minute party planner,
Roxy the Gnome

Halloween Wine: A Lady Gnome Review

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Perhaps you think all we gnomes drink is beer. Then perhaps you’d be mistaken. Some of us lady gnomes consume a steady diet of wine each day…it helps restore balance to our skin tones.

Like many lady gnomes, I’m a sucker for pretty labels. While buying ingredients to make my boyfriend a pumpkin pie, I came across this bright orange bottle. (That’s my bf in the picture. He’s a firegnome. How HOTTT is that?!)

photo (3)I know it’s only the 11th of October, but I’m getting super excited for Halloween. And how freaking festive is this bottle of deliciousness?!

“Halloween” is made by a local place called Illinois River Winery in Utica, IL. It’s right near Starved Rock state park….I love that place!

Anyway this is an apple and pumpkin wine that’s spiced with cinnamon and nutmeg. And it tasted like exactly that. After my man and I devoured the bottle in a couple swift sips, I noticed a suggestion that it’s best served warm.

Whoops! Guess I’d better pick up another bottle to try it heated up a bit!

Halloween wine is 10.5% alcohol, so it got me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside without the old-age headache the next day. It’s more sweet than tart and more fruity than dry.

I recommend it! And I’ve also added this winery to my list of places to drink at. It has a tasting room open every day – $3 for 6 tastes!

So my fellow gnomies, what fall festive drinks do YOU plan to throw back this weekend?

Happy Friday, my loves!

xoxo,
Roxy the Gnome

Gnomes and Ballet: An Unlikely Combination

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Nothing is safe from gnomes. Not even the New York City ballet.

During my daily news browsing session today, I came across this article about new shows at the David H. Koch Theater. The only one I really care about is called “Namouna, a Grand Divertissement.”

Its hero (Tyler Angle on Thursday and Saturday evenings) frolics with three chic muse figures (Sterling Hyltin, Ashley Bouder and Sara Mearns), but his amorous endeavors are occasionally barred by an armored demon king or chief gnome (Daniel Ulbricht). The chief is assisted by two look-alike female lieutenants (Megan Fairchild and Abi Stafford — the gnomettes) and a corps of eight uniformed gnomes.

Apparently at some point, the head gnome relents and bestows the heroine upon the hero. Whatever the hell that means.

I’ve never been super into ballet, but this one has been described as trivial, absurd, and compelling. AND IT HAS GNOMES IN IT!!!

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However, I do have one problem with this ballet of gnomes. Where exactly are their gnome hats? None of the photos picture dancers wearing gnome hats.

I find this absurd. But maybe I shouldn’t be too quick to judge. Perhaps hats make an appearance in the finale. Yeah, I bet that’s right.

Who wants to pick up ballet tickets and get cultured with me?

xoxo,
Roxy the Gnome

Photo credit: Andrea Mohin/The New York Times