Author Archives: Sheldon

About Sheldon

I am by far the most adventurous gnome of the bunch. Look at my adventure satchel and gaze into the distance, for godssake!

You may recall reading about my recent tropical excursion with manatees in the Homosassa River. I’m the lead travel/adventure bloggers and am looking forward to revealing all the gnomish details about upcoming trips to California, Utah, and Las Vegas. I has been a driving motivation for Master/Goddess of All Gnomekind, to enroll in a travel writing program at Matador U to join me in documenting all of our gnomish travels around the world.

The Coolest Grandpa in All of Scotland

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Whew! We’ve just gotten back from a whirlwind west coast tour with lots of gnome sightings along the way. I can barely catch my little gnome breath, but never fear! Plenty of gnomish travel reports are in the works and headed your way soon!

Just as one adventure wraps up, I’ve found another place to go….Scotland!

Photo credit: Daily Mail

Photo credit: Daily Mail

Allow me to introduce you to Robert Rae, a 64-year-old who’s spent the last eight years filling his yard with over 1,000 lawn ornaments. Take browse through the photos in this Daily Mail article to get a glimpse of all the gnomes and gnome friends who’ve taken up residence in Caol – the largest village in Scotland.

“It gives me something to do,” Rae explained. “I never thought it would end up like this when I started but the children enjoy it. There’s still room for more”

MORE?!

Yes, more!

Rae used to be a telephone box cleaner, but couldn’t return to work after having a heart attack. Honestly, lawn ornament decorating seems to be a much more pleasant profession.

He’s won all sorts of awards for his amazingly quirky yard, but some a**hole vandals recently broke in so he had to install surveillance. Our hearts go out to the broken gnomes.

Alright gnomies, let’s pack it up for Scotland, because this place surely deserves a visit!

Friday farewell,
Sheldon the retired, but not entirely retired, travel gnome

Goldilocks Gnome and the Search for Hot Springs

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Happy Friday, gnomies!

I recently read a brilliant article about humans bathing in soothing hot springs. Since then, I’ve been searching for some hot springs in the world that are, well, more our size and style.

We’d surely drown in these human-sized springs, you see!

I heard Yellowstone was a good place to check out, but as Goldilocks once said….”That hot spring’s TOOOOO big.”

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Then I traveled to the tiny town of Thermopolis, Wyoming because I saw a road sign for it and it sounded like a warm place to go.

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Cue Goldilocks, “That hot springs is TOOOOO hot!”

I consulted a bathing expert to help me find a size and temperature that perfectly aligns with the gnomish nervous and skeletal system.

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This quest led to my untimely demise. I use the word “demise” broadly, as you can clearly tell I’m not typing from the grave. But I am a step closer to it.

I dove into a bathtub upon the recommendation of Sir Soap-on-a-Rope and cracked my poor self into pieces. I am paralyzed and am now on a quest for a gnome-sized wheelchair.

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I was once a travel gnome and now I am the voice of the gnomely disabled.

Updates about my new quest will be provided when I’m not crying too hard. Wow this post got really depressing really quick.

Bunnies and sunshine and world peace!
Sheldon the former travel gnome

Gnomes Discover Ancient Culture in Pictograph State Park

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l stepped out of the Montana Brewing Company the other day after a few too many gnome-sized samplers with my travel companion, Rubber. I realized it was still daylight. My instincts took over.

You see, we make great travel companions…Rubber and I. He’s more the drinker and I’m more the adventurer. However, we both appreciate each other’s worthwhile point of view. We balance each other out.

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Before heading to Carter’s Brewing Company that day for continued wastedness, I convinced him to accompany me to Pictograph State Park in Billings, Montana.

The prehistoric (human, not gnome) hunters who camped in the caves here left behind a shit ton of drawings on the cave walls and artifacts. People who know what they’re talking about say the art in the cave is over 2,000 years old.

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Sheesh that light was blinding. It was all I could do to cover my eyes and squint into the sub par gPhone camera.That Ghost Cave was creepy as hell. Come to think of it, they make me look somewhat ghost-like as well.

Rubber and I hiked the Pictograph Cave trail and the Ghost Cave trail. They weren’t long trails, which was much of a relief. These tiny ceramic legs have a hard time keeping up with his more flexible ones.

Anyhoo, I’d recommend this stop very much if you like weird old art, if you’re kind of a pansy when it comes to hiking, and if you have $5 to spare.

Signing off ’til my next travel tip….
Sheldon the Gnome

On a Hunt for Gnome Snowshoes…

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You might have seen a picture of me the other day asking if you knew where to get gnome-sized snowshoes. If you didn’t see it, you obviously aren’t keeping up with your gnome gnews.

Tisk tisk.

The question came to my mind as I was hiking the Pebble Creek trail in Yellowstone National Park the other day. As you might guess, the weather in Yellowstone is particularly volatile this time of year. One minute it’s snowing, the next it’s sunny, and the next your shivering your ass to death.

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I couldn’t exactly tell where the creek began and where it ended. But one thing was clear…my silly little three-season hiking boots just weren’t going to cut it. I needed snowshoes.

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I tried on a pair that I found buried in the snow nearby. Apparently some hiker didn’t fare so well with the. There was even a boot still attached! Poor sap.

As you can plainly see, these are too large for my tiny ceramic feet. I pulled up my Google machine and got crackin’.

I didn’t find a single pair of gnome-sized snowshoes for sale, much to my dismay. However, I did find this amazing gnome-themed snowshoe race in Johnsville, California! Unfortunately, the 5k and 10k snowshoe race already took place this past February. Sad times.

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But more importantly the gnomes in their pictures have snowshoes on! I’m gonna be out in the Montana wilderness for awhile, so I’m still taking tips if you have any.

Peace,
Sheldon the World-Renown Travel Gnome