Category Archives: Gnome Brew Review

Gnomes’ palates are among the best of the world. In this site, I plan to provide you with review of each and every adult beverage that I become intoxicated on. You’re welcome in advance.

Beers as Big as Me

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Have you ever sat somewhere and just felt strangely at home?

For me, it’s in a brewery sampler. Brew flights are gnome-sized. This particular flight was promptly drank on the side of the highway in South Dakota at Crow Peak Brewing Company.

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See how perfectly I fit in the 11th Hour IPA spot! I’m assuming you’re a human if you’re reading this blog. I don’t blame you…it’s not necessarily your fault. But just stop to think about it for a minute. A beer as big as you.

Could you drink the whole thing? How would you reach the top of the glass? What would you do if you fell inside? Can you swim?

It’s a lazy Saturday afternoon with annoyingly high winds across the central plains. Therefore, I have decided to go back to this brewery and find my place where I feel most comfortable.

May the winds bring your over-sized boozed and everlasting enlightenment.

Sincerely,
Rubber the Gnome

A Gnome’s Opinion of Carter’s Brewing Company – Billings, Montana

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As I hinted at before, Montana has a good number of breweries. Billings, in particular, has four! I think I may have just found my dream town!

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On my Billings brewery tour the other day, I stopped by Carter’s Brewing Company. I didn’t know who Carter was, so I asked. The dude on their website is wearing a monk robe and holding a baby. That baby’s name is Carter. What a lucky baby to have a brewery named after him!

I must admit, I felt a little out of place walking up to the front door at Carter’s. It gave off a hard rock biker vibe and there was a metal band from Oregon setting up as I walked past them. It was like they’d never seen a gnome in a bar before!

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Once I navigated through the drum sets, I found a casino room and a whole lot of mind-shattering noise. As typical, I bought a flight and settled in to a long table near the back. It was a pretty bare-bones kind of spot, with plenty of barrels and vats to drool over.

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Here’s what I tried:

  1. Farmhouse Ale La Grisette
  2. Maple Flapjack Brown Ale
  3. Double Truck Red Ale
  4. Carter the Great Imperial Stout

The Farmhouse was definitely my fave. Although it was somewhat standard, it was smooth and done well. I promptly bought a growler of it!

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To escape the eardrum-bursting noise, I scurried out the back door to take some sips near the train tracks. These Montanans do love their warehouse train track locations…and after finishing off the growler, so did I.

Yours in drunkenness,
Rubber the Drunk Gnome

Gnome Brew Review – Montana Brewing Company, Billings

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If you’ve been following me around lately, you can probably tell that Montana has a good number of breweries. And you already know how much we gnomes love a good local brew!

Just take a look at the Montana Brewer’s Association trail map….what a great idea….a map of trails AND beer. Genius!

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Not all of the state’s breweries are part of the association though, and therefore aren’t listed. Like this one….Montana Brewing Company in Billings. Here’s what they got on tap:

-MBC Wheat
-MBC Pale Ale
-MBC Amber
-Apricot Wheat
-Single Hop Nugget IPA
-Holy Hooligan’s Double Red
-Custer’s Last Stout
-Bright Eyed & Bushy Tailed Breakfast Brown Ale

 

 

 

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As usual, I had to try them all. Out of all the breweries I visited in Billings (yes, there were three and would have been four if the other wouldn’t have been closed…Bastards.), this one was the most high-class and family-friendly. I felt a bit too skanky to be here with my muddy boots and wind-blown hat.

Good thing I didn’t give a crap and just bellied up to the bar for some liquid courage!

mbcMy absolute favorite was the Smoked Rye, which I see they don’t even have on tap anymore. Figures. It had a wonderfully smoky taste that reminded me of being out at the campfire. Now don’t get me wrong…I’ve had my share of smoky beers.

I remember trying the Smoke beer at Against the Grain brewery in Louisville, Kentucky a few months back. That was just too freaking smoky. I couldn’t taste anything because my mouth was full of ash! Last night, I tried the scotch ale, which was supposed to be smoky, at Madison River Brewing in Belgrade, Montana. I couldn’t taste any smoke at all!

growler beerI quit cigarettes years ago, but I still like a damn good smoky beer when I find one. I picked up a growler of it at MBC and promptly finished it on the walk home.

So MBC….THERE is your first brew review by a gnome. You’re welcome.

Sincerely,
Rubber the Perpetually Drunk Gnome

 

Gnomes and Coffee

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After a hitting the clubs til all hours of the night (and one hour less….thank YOU, Daylight Savings), the first thing on my mind is coffee.

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I love coffee so much that I surgically attached myself to one. Coffee is an essential dietary supplement for all drunk gnomes. If coffee plants all went extinct, gnomes would surely perish as well. A horrific thought….let’s change the subject.

We’re not pretentious about our brew, but we do like it strong. My additives of choice are fruity-tootie creamer and Splenda.

Today’s a double cup coffee kinda day. The gnome on the right mug is sleeping, while the gnome on the left is swinging. Give the “right guy” a little time….he’ll be bouncing off the walls soon enough.

Yours in caffeine,
Caesar The Gnome

Brewing Up Some Tasty Goodness

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Think there’s enough amazing gnome-themed beers out there?

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Not a chance!

From time to time (okay fine….MOST of the time) we turn The Gnome Abode into a brewery and make our very own special brews. Here’s what is in the works:

  1. Chocolate Milk Stout – Drinkable 2/21/13
  2. Maple Nut Ale – Drinkable on 3/8/13
  3. Cherry Wheat Ale – Drinkable 4/28/13
  4. Belgian Tripel – Drinkable 5/2/13

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Brewing is a tough gig. It takes a lot of precise measurements and careful sanitation….both of which are difficult to maintain when drunk. But if they aren’t maintained, the beer will taste like crap! Life is rough, man.

To solve this age-old problem, we have decided to take shifts. Each brewer gnome has taken a vow of periodic sobriety and promised to not be drunk for two hours each day. This may not sound like much to you, but to drunk gnomes….it feels like an eternity. I’m on my two hour sobriety shift right now. I’ve checked all the buckets already so killing time on the blog and whatnot.

Whoop look at the time…..shift’s almost over so I gotta run. We look forward to sharing our brews with you in the months ahead!

Cheers!
Leonardo, Head Gnome Brewer