Gnome Disc Golf Tournament Tomorrow!

Posted on October 18, 2013 by Caesar

Rise Of The Gnome Disc Golf Tournament Is Saturday

Thursday, October 17, 2013

The Rise of the Gnome disc golf tournament will be on Saturday. This will be the second disc golf tournament held at Camp Jordan. It will be hosted by Kevin Tuner of the Chattanooga Flying Disc Club. The CFDC is a local non-profit which promotes youth recreation through disc-related activities, disc golf and ultimate.

Officials said, “We create opportunities for local families by building disc golf facilities, providing low cost recreation for the community. We feel that getting the kids off the couch, out from in front of the Gameboys is important to promote healthy outdoor activities with family and friends. Kids who have health active relationships with their family become our leaders our future.”

The CFDC and its members have been active participants in funding and building courses at the Chambliss Home, Carver recreation center and multiple other locations in the area surrounding Chattanooga. Camp Jordan is the newest and largest disc golf course in the area.

The tournament on Saturday will put on display a huge array of skill sets in disc golf, from some of the best players in the Southeast to players who had only played for a few months.

Rounds will be in play from 10 a.m.-12 p.m. and from approximately 2-5 p.m.

*I love disc golf. Why don’t we throw a tournament tomorrow here at The Gnome Abode too!?

Team organization meeting today at 4.

Yours in stoner wellness,
Caesar the gnome

Ex-Politician Liberates Gnomes in Australia

Posted on October 17, 2013 by Dumblebore

It should come as no surprise to Australians that ex-politician, Eoin Cameron, is propagating the gnome liberation movement. Formerly a liberal member for the Federal seat of Stirling, Cameron is now a famous radio announcer.

Wanna know a little more about the guy? Well he likes cooking, American cars, eating, and drinking. He also likes GARDENING. And you know what “gardening” is code for…GNOMES.

Cameron has started a campaign called The Gnomecoming, and his mission is to liberate garden gnomes in Perth. Cameron predicts that radio station 720 ABC Perth’s resident gnome, Rascal, will be the first set free.

Cameron is offering to take any and all garden gnomes to Gnomesville for a happier lifestyle. Area residents are encouraged to release their gnomes from captivity and let them join the others at the junction of Wellington Mill and Ferguson roads.

Apparently over 3,000 gnomes have migrated from oppressive homes to Gnomeville. If you’d like to free your gnome, you can drop it off with a donation to the Princess Margaret Hospital Foundation at the radio station.

We at The Drunk Gnome would like to publicly show our support for Cameron and his gnome liberation movement. We’ve been stalking your Facebook page, buddy, and we see mention of winning a weekend away to see Gnomesville in the beautiful Ferguson Valley.

Does this include airfare from the States? If so, we have lots of gnomes to send your way!

Reporting live from nowhere near Australia,
Dumblebore the Gnome

Gnomes, Literature, and Parasitic Plants

Posted on October 14, 2013 by Lurleen Lumpkin Sitting on a Pumpkin

Many of us at the Gnome Abode have weird freaking names. There’s DoorsOpenOnTheLeftAtClarkAndLake, ChumbawambaIGetKnockedDown, and don’t even get me started on Bernastacio Socatine de la Guadalupe Sanches Garza.

Well today, I stumbled across a gardening article that discussed a gnome that shares a name with a parasitic plant.

Random enough for your Monday? I thought so.

The Little Grey Men is a book about the last four remaining gnomes in Britain. The three most important ones are Dodder, Sneezewort, and Baldmoney. Dodder the gnome, apparently shares his name with a parasitic plant that creates havoc in the world of botany.

In the book, Dodder is the oldest and wisest of the gnomes. He has a wooden leg and a long beard that he dyed with walnut juice. How resourceful.

Dodder, the plant, is pretty whack because it doesn’t have any chlorophyll. To take you back to elementary school science class, that’s the stuff that makes plants green.

Apparently, golden dodder originates from North America and damages crops. However, the WORD “dodder” originates from Germany and means egg yolk. The plant has all kinds of secret identities/multiple personalities and has also been called by the names, Beggar Vine, Love Vine, and Strangleweed.

The dodder plant’s purpose in life is to latch onto other plants and remove their nutrients. How rude.

What is my point in all of this? Well I don’t really have one. Except to point out how weird our names are, and therefore how weird we gnomes are too.

Mind your gardens, folks!

Love truly,
LurleenLumpkinSittingOnAPumpkin the gnome

Help! Gnome Lost at Oktoberfest!

Posted on October 10, 2013 by Yankee Doodle

It’s always been our little gnomish dream to head over to Germany and celebrate Oktoberfest in style.

But alas, we weren’t able to raise enough gnome rubles to afford the flight again this year 🙁

To make up for it (a little bit, but not really), we’ve been reading all sorts of articles about other people living the good (drunk) life. For example, today I read about a little gnome getting “lost” at Oktoberfest.

Apparently, Oktoberfest has a lost and found. And a gnome ended up in it this year. Along with the gnome was a segway, a giant pencil, a guitar and €50,000 cash.

Do you REALLY think that little gnome is “lost”!? That bastard is having the time of his life! Spending boat loads of cash…riding around dumbly…writing on things!

I hate him, in an envious sort of way. I really hope he’s blogging about his adventures somewhere out there too.

And for all your human drunkards out there….your keys, clothing, and mobile phones are sitting in the lost and found box as well. You have until February to pick up your shit. Otherwise it gets auctioned off.

But if I were to venture a guess, I’d say that little “lost” gnome is nowhere near the auction box. Write to me, buddy! Take me with you!

Sincerely,
Yankee Doodle the Gnome

Gnomes and Ballet: An Unlikely Combination

Posted on October 8, 2013 by Roxy

Nothing is safe from gnomes. Not even the New York City ballet.

During my daily news browsing session today, I came across this article about new shows at the David H. Koch Theater. The only one I really care about is called “Namouna, a Grand Divertissement.”

Its hero (Tyler Angle on Thursday and Saturday evenings) frolics with three chic muse figures (Sterling Hyltin, Ashley Bouder and Sara Mearns), but his amorous endeavors are occasionally barred by an armored demon king or chief gnome (Daniel Ulbricht). The chief is assisted by two look-alike female lieutenants (Megan Fairchild and Abi Stafford — the gnomettes) and a corps of eight uniformed gnomes.

Apparently at some point, the head gnome relents and bestows the heroine upon the hero. Whatever the hell that means.

I’ve never been super into ballet, but this one has been described as trivial, absurd, and compelling. AND IT HAS GNOMES IN IT!!!

However, I do have one problem with this ballet of gnomes. Where exactly are their gnome hats? None of the photos picture dancers wearing gnome hats.

I find this absurd. But maybe I shouldn’t be too quick to judge. Perhaps hats make an appearance in the finale. Yeah, I bet that’s right.

Who wants to pick up ballet tickets and get cultured with me?

xoxo,
Roxy the Gnome

Photo credit: Andrea Mohin/The New York Times

The Drunk Gnome

Just when you thought your garden was sober…

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