So who’s up for some late night turkey huntin’ to burn off some of today’s gluttony and prepare for tomorrow’s gluttony?

There may only be two hours of Thanksgiving yet, but I’m making the most of these two hours. Besides, Black Friday shopping is for the chick gnomes. Manly gnomes like me shoot stuff. I’m sure Tabitha will have lots of dumb girl posts about “shop hunting” conquests tomorrow.

Evan Gelical The Gnome hunts with a net. I prefer hitting turkeys over the head with my broom. What do you hunt with?

Muchas gracias for two more hours,
Kamikaze The Gnome

My brother, Sheldon, is such a pretentious ass. Who does he think he is, proposing a gnomish democracy and all?!

Well, if he thinks that he’s going take over The Gnome Abode UNCONTESTED, then he’s got another thing coming! Let this blog post serve as notice of my intention to run for the office of President of The Gnome Abode!

I’m really not sure what the job of President entails because we’ve never had one. Regardless, I think I’d make a better one than my brother. Why, you ask?

Well, while he spent all those years trotting around the globe, I was sitting back here  making loads of cash. Odd jobs here, odd jobs there, an inheritance that mysterious was sent to me…it’s all been padding my bank account. And all while I’ve been spending my precious time getting to know all of you each and every day, right here at home.

That’s right, gnomes, I’ve got money!

Just think of all the things that we can do with lots of money! We can build roads! We can start a school! We can build a hospital! We can buy lots and lots of booze!!!

A vote for Seamus is a vote for money! I figure that there will be some sort of debate and/or battle-to-the-death scheduled soon. I’ll wait patiently until I receive proper notice to show up and whoop Sheldon’s ass. You humans may have wrapped up your election last night, but we gnomes are just getting started.

I hope King Jerry is okay with all of this. Hmm.

Your fearless wannabe leader,
Seamus The (Brother of Choice) Gnome

I can’t help but pick up on all the human chatter about the elections today. Humans all around the United States of American are waiting in lines to color in boxes in tiny booths to express their freedom.

As a gnome, I generally feel pretty free. But when I stop to actually think about it, I guess that I’m really not free at all! The Gnome Abode has a king….King Jerry….and no society with a King can really be free. Sure, Monarchies have kinda sorta worked for some nations in the past. But I’m not so sure that a Monarchy best fits the gnomish way of life.

With that being said, I hereby announce that I AM RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT OF THE GNOME ABODE!

If The Gnome Abode has a constitution or even any kind of written set of laws, well, I haven’t seen it. And I don’t think it exists. And if it does exist, it’s probably bullshit.

Don’t get me wrong, King Jerry is an alright guy. He’s the kinda guy I like to have a beer with from time to time and bitch about women with. But he is not a leader.

Leaders are supposed to hold meetings and propose changes that will help gnomes in our community. Leaders are supposed to negotiate trade with foreign gnome lands and sign peace treaties with neighboring human nations.

I can do all of these things for you…and more!

As a retired travel gnome, I have seen a lot and learned a lot throughout my years. I have an understanding about how other gnomish societies are run and what we can do to improve upon our own.

In a Democratic society, there must always be choices and these choices should be left up to the gnomes who live in it. I encourage all of your gnomes reading this to consider running against me for the office of President, but with me for the ideal of Democracy.

Potential candidates should make a formal announcement via blog post if they wish to be considered for the race. The cut off date to post your announcement is one week from today, November 14th, so that should give you plenty of time to develop your platforms. After that, I will coordinate a debate about the candidates’ platforms and develop a board of elections to host a formal vote in the upcoming weeks.

Also, I will need a running mate. If any of you are interested in having a fun-sounding title and doing very little work, let me know! A second name on the ballot will give me just enough diversity to win, and for that I thank you in advance.

May the best gnome (ME!) win!
Sheldon “Presidential Candidate #1” The Gnome

Halloween is almost a week away, and you know what that means……threats of more Gnombie attacks!

Gnombies like this one,

And this one,

Are popping up all over the Gnome Abode in recent days.

Therefore a new chick gnombie hunter has been hired and she’s SUPER HOT!

Hellooooooo lil’ Latin lover, if I do say so myself!

And she’s a family gal too! Check out her adorable baby girl.

Oh yeah, and don’t forget to check out her tits.

So on behalf of the residents of The Gnome Abode, I’d like to extend a warm welcome our new hunter and her shiny zombie killing gun. We’re putting our faith in you to get us through the next week with minimal blood splatter.

Hold on tight to your brains,
Benjamin, The Gnome