Gnome Man’s Land: A California Fantasy Land 40 Years in the Making

Imagine walking into the backyard of an unassuming single family home, only to find thousands of pairs of beady little eyes peering out at you beneath pointy red hats.1No, this isn’t the setup for some creepy B-horror film; it’s a dream-come-true for every hardcore gnome collector. This summer, I had the pleasure of visiting Gnome Man’s Land, an elaborate gnome home and garden in Santa Rosa, California.2Now this is no fly-by-night gnome collection tucked away in the bowels of obscurity. Oh, no no. This is a gnomish fantasy land nearly 40 years in the making, operated by my good friend and personal idol, Jean Fenstermaker.4Jean was inspired to create Gnome Man’s Land in the 1960s after a few key life events: her Disneyland storybook canal ride, her mother’s rock garden, and her friend who had two gnomes on an office desk. Jean’s first gnome garden was born on January 25, 1976 and spanned just 18 inches by 35 inches in size.

From the very beginning, Jean loved to create mini-themes within her garden and stories about her gnomes. With some plant clippings from her mother and tiny bridges and accessories built by her woodworking father, her gnomes’ stories began coming to life.3Over the years, Jean has created eight additional and separate gnome gardens in her backyard. There’s The Forest Rock Garden with wildlife, The Frog Garden with gnomes and amphibians co-existing in harmony, and the Life-Size Garden…which is, you guessed it, full of LIFE-SIZED GNOMES.

But keep your britches on…even in real life, gnomes are still pretty tiny.3You can find everyone from immigrant gnomes, partially-clothed gnomes using the bathroom, gnomes with gambling habits, gnomes fighting neighbor gnomes, and vegetable-growing gnomes lurking around every corner and begging for your attention.4The spring and summer seasons bring local visitors, out-of-state travelers, and gnome aficionados from around the globe to Jean’s gnome home. The typical crowd comes from church groups, “red hatters,” and senior living facilities. Gnomes are pretty fragile, and I know that if I ever have kids, I’ll be keeping my gnomes safely packed away ’til they’re old enough to understand how awesome they are.4I personally met Jean a few years ago through the International Gnome Club, where we are both tri-annual contributing newsletter writers. For over a decade now, I’ve gotten a kick out of being part of a subculture that baffles the other 99 percent of humanity.5I also just need to put this out there: Jean’s husband, Jim, deserves a ton of praise and recognition. Jim has helped build the gardens, weeds the plants, prunes the roses, AND he enthusiastically socializes with random gnome fanatics wandering through his backyard.

If I ever have a husband, he damned well better be as supportive of my gnome obsession as that Mr. Fenstermaker. And I’ll just leave it at that.6Despite Jean and Jim’s attempts at keeping a low profile, they’ve been featured in lots of newspapers – most recently the San Francisco Chronicle, which led to two subsequent radio interviews. Jean’s garden was featured in the amazing book Gnomeland by Margaret Egleton (yes, I have a copy). And TV crews have been out to her Santa Rosa home from Home & Garden TV, The Travel Channel, and ABC’s Dream Home and Collectibles.8Jean is one of the kindest and most welcoming human beings I’ve ever met. So much so that she made a sign (held up by a gnome, of course) welcoming my boyfriend and me to Gnome Man’s Land as soon as we pulled into the driveway.  Gnome collectors truly are kindred spirits.9After an extensive VIP tour of her gnome garden, Jean whipped out the Gnome Bingo cards and we settled in for some good ole’ fashioned non-monetary gambling with refreshments. Not surprisingly, each Bingo square depicted a themed section of Jean’s quirky gnome garden.7Much to my grumbling stomach’s delight, she offered to cook a delicious dinner to share with us to further chat about all-things-gnome and all-things-non-gnome. All of the dishes were adorned with gnomes, and there were even gnome cookies for dessert. Can you say gnome overload? I was practically hyperventilating for hours.10Jean has a true and unwavering passion for gnomes, and it shows so beautifully every time her eyes light up with the reflection of a red hat in the distance. She takes such pride in her home, yard, collection, and loyal following that I can’t help but admire her to the point of stealing her ideas for my own home display one day.

As I mentioned earlier, Jean and Jim like to keep a low profile. Although they are the friendliest of friendly to fellow gnome fans, they don’t exactly just open up their backyard to just anyone either.

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You just can’t be too cautious with vandals lurking in the night. I keep up with daily gnome news, and nearly every day there’s a police report filed about gnomes being maliciously stolen, broken, and vandalized!

However, if you’re ever planning a trip to the Napa Valley region of California and would like to have the BEST DAY EVER, I’m might just be able to hook you up with a Gnome Man’s Land VIP Tour.

(Restrictions and fees may apply. Kidding. Sort of.)11“Are there any real live gnomes in existence? If there are, I’d sure like to see one!” ~ The cautiously optimistic Jean Fenstermaker.

*This article was originally published in on November 12, 2014 in Alyssa v. Nature.

Weird Crap People Put in Their Yards (Besides Gnomes)

I don’t have to remind you that the ultimate lawn decoration is, of course, a gnome. Gnomes and lawns have a long history, rooted in rich tradition and plenty of weird freaking people.

However, from time to time, I must recognize that people put things in their yards other than gnomes. Shrubberies, for instance. Maybe a hydrangea. And sometimes nude Barbie dolls.

While trolling (pun intended) the Interweb today, I came across an obscure piece from a human guest blogger that we’ve featured from time to time. She found a magical place called Barbie Beach, where naked Barbie dolls get to live out their days playing volleyball, jumping on trampolines, and serving their country at war.

Read Nude Barbies in the Front Yard? Only in Georgia.

barbiebeach Fall 2009

In true serendipitous fashion, I also stumbled upon this gem today:

AT-AT

Fallen AT-AT – Photo credit: Andrew Liszewski

It’s called a Fallen AT-AT, which I guess is a Star Wars/Trek thing.

If you prefer crying robots to cheerful little gnomes, this lil’ guy is your destiny! Pick him up on Think Geek for $40.

What other weird crap have you been seeing in people’s yards lately? Post a pic to our Facebook page!

It is my position to support each and every lawn decoration out there…as long as there’s a gnome somewhere in the mix too. Here’s to weird lawns…EVERYWHERE!

XOXO,
Humps, the Landscape Architect Gnome

Gnome Bakers: Unusual Bread and Rolls in New York City

There once was a place in New York City. It served “unusual bread and rolls.” And it was run by gnomes.

gnomebakers

Never mind how “unusual” bread products could really, honestly be. You just never mind that.

According to to Ephemeral New York, this ad was part of a 1973 New York Mets program.

But the story doesn’t stop there. Apparently there was ANOTHER Gnome Bakers location documented 40 years earlier.

According to New York Times photographer, Fred R Conrad, 316 East 59th Street was home to Gnome Bakers. The bakery owners designed the front of the building to look like the sort of place where tiny gnomes would be mixing up baked goods. Although the picture doesn’t do it justice, a giant bearded gnome once rested against the chimney munching on a piece of bread.

20091112_gnomebakers_250x375

Today 316 East 59th Street is home to a chiropractor’s office. Lame.

Curbed corroborated the story and revealed that the giant munching gnome and the Gnome Bakers simply disappeared from the premises after they went bankrupt in the early 1930s.

And they found an awesome photo of the giant gnome perched atop the bakery building!

gnomebakery

But all this research has led me to more questions than answers.

Who WERE the gnome bakers?

Where did they go in the early 30s?

What ever became of the giant munching gnome?

And what exactly did make gnome bread SO unusual?

I would have loved to be alive in the 30s, if for nothing else, to visit this amazing-looking bakery. So Gnome Bakers, if you’re out there reading this…come back! I’m sure New York would welcome you with open arms and a fresh bag of flour.

Gnome bread forever.

xoxo,
Ramon LeBeef the Gnome

Gamblin’ Gnome: Award-Winning Sculpture Makes Home in Michigan Casino

Our gambling problem isn’t exactly on par with our drinking problem just yet, but influential gnomes like this guy are helping bridge the gap.

There’s a town in Michigan called St. Ignace, there’s a casino in St. Ignace called Kewadin, and there’s a restaurant in Kewadin called Horseshoe Bay.

Are you still with me?

Good.

As I was saying….inside the Horseshoe Bay lives a gnome. But not just any gnome. An AWARD-WINNING gnome!

Casinognome

James W. Denkins created this amazing gnome sculpture called “Edge of the Forest,” which is on display in the restaurant. Before eating himself beyond measurable limits of obesity, “Edge” hung out at the Grand Rapids art show.

According to Denkins, “Edge of the Forrest” is a collaboration of multiple plants and animals all surrounding a forest gnome, who is looking out from the edge of a forest.“It’s a tribute to our fragile ecosystem,” explains Denkins on his artist statement.

Far out, dude. Far out.

The Soo Evening News described “Edge” as a play on how humans are entangled in everything, for better or for worse. Casino manager, Steve Sprecker commented that “Edge” mirrored the rest of the casino decor.

Does this mean there are MORE GAMBLING GNOMES?!

casinocashout

Looks like a trip up north is in order. Stay strong in your fragility Edge. We’re coming for you…and the blackjack…and the all-you-can-eat fried chicken.

Tootaloo,
Humps the Gnome

Photo credit: Kewadin Casino/Soo Evening News

Gnome Website of the Day – GnomeFrenzy.com

GnomeFrenzy.com

Step 1: Go there.

Step 2: Spend some time poking around.

Step 3: Find enlightenment

One of our newest gnome scouts directed us to this website recently and we’ve been enthralled ever since. “Finding good homes for happy gnomes” is their motto and they’re doing pretty damn well at it.

There are plenty of websites lurking around the Interweb soliciting gnome memorabilia. GnomeFrenzy also offers helpful advice for the weary and downtrodden.

gnomefrenzy

Got questions about how to pick out a gnome? They can help. Need to brush up your gnome history. No problem over here! Although the Gnome Gnews is a couple years out of date, it’s still worth a nostalgic browse. (Psst! Hey guys, call us! We read and report on gnome gnews every day!)

One section we found particularly intriguing is the one about Custom Gnomes. One particular project comes to mind – could you guys do a custom Jeep back wheel cover? We’ve got a Gnomemobile with a very cold spare tire.

We’ll be in touch 😉

So anyway, that’s your website recommendation for the day. The Interweb is a confusing place for gnomes these days. Let me be your guide.

Let the Friday madness begin!
Dumblebore the Gnome