Category Archives: World Traveler Gnomes

A travel blog about all the places we get to see when Master Alyssa lets us tag along

Gnomes Discover Ancient Culture in Pictograph State Park

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l stepped out of the Montana Brewing Company the other day after a few too many gnome-sized samplers with my travel companion, Rubber. I realized it was still daylight. My instincts took over.

You see, we make great travel companions…Rubber and I. He’s more the drinker and I’m more the adventurer. However, we both appreciate each other’s worthwhile point of view. We balance each other out.

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Before heading to Carter’s Brewing Company that day for continued wastedness, I convinced him to accompany me to Pictograph State Park in Billings, Montana.

The prehistoric (human, not gnome) hunters who camped in the caves here left behind a shit ton of drawings on the cave walls and artifacts. People who know what they’re talking about say the art in the cave is over 2,000 years old.

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Sheesh that light was blinding. It was all I could do to cover my eyes and squint into the sub par gPhone camera.That Ghost Cave was creepy as hell. Come to think of it, they make me look somewhat ghost-like as well.

Rubber and I hiked the Pictograph Cave trail and the Ghost Cave trail. They weren’t long trails, which was much of a relief. These tiny ceramic legs have a hard time keeping up with his more flexible ones.

Anyhoo, I’d recommend this stop very much if you like weird old art, if you’re kind of a pansy when it comes to hiking, and if you have $5 to spare.

Signing off ’til my next travel tip….
Sheldon the Gnome

Gnome Brew Review – Montana Brewing Company, Billings

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If you’ve been following me around lately, you can probably tell that Montana has a good number of breweries. And you already know how much we gnomes love a good local brew!

Just take a look at the Montana Brewer’s Association trail map….what a great idea….a map of trails AND beer. Genius!

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Not all of the state’s breweries are part of the association though, and therefore aren’t listed. Like this one….Montana Brewing Company in Billings. Here’s what they got on tap:

-MBC Wheat
-MBC Pale Ale
-MBC Amber
-Apricot Wheat
-Single Hop Nugget IPA
-Holy Hooligan’s Double Red
-Custer’s Last Stout
-Bright Eyed & Bushy Tailed Breakfast Brown Ale

 

 

 

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As usual, I had to try them all. Out of all the breweries I visited in Billings (yes, there were three and would have been four if the other wouldn’t have been closed…Bastards.), this one was the most high-class and family-friendly. I felt a bit too skanky to be here with my muddy boots and wind-blown hat.

Good thing I didn’t give a crap and just bellied up to the bar for some liquid courage!

mbcMy absolute favorite was the Smoked Rye, which I see they don’t even have on tap anymore. Figures. It had a wonderfully smoky taste that reminded me of being out at the campfire. Now don’t get me wrong…I’ve had my share of smoky beers.

I remember trying the Smoke beer at Against the Grain brewery in Louisville, Kentucky a few months back. That was just too freaking smoky. I couldn’t taste anything because my mouth was full of ash! Last night, I tried the scotch ale, which was supposed to be smoky, at Madison River Brewing in Belgrade, Montana. I couldn’t taste any smoke at all!

growler beerI quit cigarettes years ago, but I still like a damn good smoky beer when I find one. I picked up a growler of it at MBC and promptly finished it on the walk home.

So MBC….THERE is your first brew review by a gnome. You’re welcome.

Sincerely,
Rubber the Perpetually Drunk Gnome

 

On a Hunt for Gnome Snowshoes…

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You might have seen a picture of me the other day asking if you knew where to get gnome-sized snowshoes. If you didn’t see it, you obviously aren’t keeping up with your gnome gnews.

Tisk tisk.

The question came to my mind as I was hiking the Pebble Creek trail in Yellowstone National Park the other day. As you might guess, the weather in Yellowstone is particularly volatile this time of year. One minute it’s snowing, the next it’s sunny, and the next your shivering your ass to death.

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I couldn’t exactly tell where the creek began and where it ended. But one thing was clear…my silly little three-season hiking boots just weren’t going to cut it. I needed snowshoes.

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I tried on a pair that I found buried in the snow nearby. Apparently some hiker didn’t fare so well with the. There was even a boot still attached! Poor sap.

As you can plainly see, these are too large for my tiny ceramic feet. I pulled up my Google machine and got crackin’.

I didn’t find a single pair of gnome-sized snowshoes for sale, much to my dismay. However, I did find this amazing gnome-themed snowshoe race in Johnsville, California! Unfortunately, the 5k and 10k snowshoe race already took place this past February. Sad times.

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But more importantly the gnomes in their pictures have snowshoes on! I’m gonna be out in the Montana wilderness for awhile, so I’m still taking tips if you have any.

Peace,
Sheldon the World-Renown Travel Gnome

Vancouver Rivals Iowa for ‘World’s Largest Gnome’ Title!

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cagnomeWe recently wrote a post about visiting the world’s largest concrete gnome in Ames, Iowa. Well today, we received a news alert about the world’s largest gnome on Vancouver Island.

Wow…”world’s largest” is such a sought-after title, eh?

Take a gander at this Vancouver Sun video about the Canadian giant and see what you think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uj-qPbhAiCU

cagnome2I guess the bloke’s name is Nanoose Esso and Guinness Book of World’s Records supports him. What a weird ass name.

According to a Metro News article, Nanoose stands 25 feet 11 inches tall. The gnome was built in 1998 by Ron Hale as a mascot for the go cart track he ran on the property. Now it’s a gas station. Nanoose must be really high from all those fumes by now…

Hale built the frame out of scrap metal in his garage, empty bottles, styrofoam, ice cream containers and paper making products from the nearby mill. A junk gnome…what a novel idea!

Looks like we’re heading up north for a visit!

xoxo,
ChumbawambaIGetKnockedDown the Gnome/Turtle

Photo credit: Metro/Handout/Gerry Ilott

What’s Up With Gas Stations Casinos?!

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Howdy fellow travelers! As you may have gathered from my recent posts, I’m on a westward journey and making lots of awesome stops along the way. Just as I was entering the wild west of South Dakota, I was presented with a strange and unexplainable phenomenon.

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Casinos in gas stations.

I, for one, certainly can’t judge drunkards or gamblers in the least. However, I must say that I’m surprised by the number of sideline casinos in this great state. And they’re not just in gas stations! They’re in liquor stores, bars, grocery stores, restaurants, and god knows where else!

You might not know much about me since I’m sorta new to The Gnome Abode. But I am a bit of an amateur legal expert. I must admit, I conducted a bit of research on my 3G in the gas station bathroom.

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My source of expertise is KnowYourCasino….sounds reputable, right? According to my sources, it’s legal for random establishments to have up to 10 video gambling machines without a license. The machines take cash, but don’t give it back to you. Instead you get some stinkin’ receipt and have to take it to the Fatty McGoo cashier and make small talk to collect your winnings.

Another fun fact: “South Dakota’s  casinos have very liberal rules about allowing minors into casinos and virtually all of the casinos will allow children to enter with their parents until about 8 p.m. Additionally, South Dakota is the only jursidiction that will allow children to stand next to their parents while they are gambling.”

Welcome, gnome children!

Happy trails!
Rubber the Gnome