Discovering Gnome Coffee Liqueur…in Atlanta of All Places!

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Greetings gnomes and gnomettes,

As you may or may not be aware, many of us gnomes have relocated to the deep south. Oh you want to stalk us, do you? Well we’re in Atlanta but I’m NOT giving out gate code!

I, for one, was a bit concerned about how gnome-friendly it is down here. I mean, these are the people who once owned slaves. How do you think they treat their gnomes?!

A little below the belt? Maybe. Okay. Don’t hit me! Moving on.

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On that note, there was a sunny weekend afternoon recently when I found myself craving something dark and delicious. Before I knew it, I was belly up at The Porter Beer Bar in Little 5 Points.

Would you believe they have 800 beers here? God that’s stressful. My kinda stress!

Well I’m sitting there picking my nose and trying to make up my mind, when I spy this bottle out of the corner of my eye…

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Chouffe Coffee Liqueur? Was I seeing this right?!

I promptly made best friends with the bartender (I mean, who really doesn’t want to have a gnome best friend…it’s kinda like having a gay best friend.) and requested a private groping session with that bottle.

My new buddy went the extra mile and poured me a shot. Now that’s what I call service. He even introduced me to the resident Chouffe. Clearly he’s in good company…feast your eyes on those ominous unpainted gnomes lurking in the background!

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Gnome liqueur was simply delicious…there’s no way around it. Roasty, malty, uber-coffee-y goodness that deserves to be savored to the last drop. I didn’t know these Chouffe gnomes made any kind of non-beer booze, but I haven’t come across any other booze varieties. Have you?

Apparently, this is really rare stuff, and the Chouffe brewery doesn’t even advertise it on their website. I’ve been doing some Googling and found a few places that sell it online.

According to BOE, “Chouffe coffee liqueur is obtained through the distillation of Chouffe with the addition of grain alcohol and 100% natural coffee extracts and a dash of Mc Chouffe. Serve hot, covered with whipped cream, or cold.”

Mmmm freaking mmmmmmmm.

However, I’ve never seen it in a store and am highly doubting that I will anytime soon. But then again, I never expected to encounter it in the first place…let alone in Atlanta!

Spoiler alert: We gnomes will be visiting the Chouffe brewery THIS MAY! If there is any coffee booze onsite, you’d better bet we’ll find it.

Tootaloo drunkies. Hope you’re beginning to recover from your Mardi Gras shennanigans.

xoxo,
Kamikaze

Gnomeville: A Local Legend in Olney, Illinois (A Guest Post!)

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I was born in a small town in the middle of nowhere that you’ve probably never heard of.It goes by the name of Olney: population 9,108.

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To outsiders, Olney is really only known for one thing: white squirrels. There are a couple different theories about how these albino creatures found their way to southern Illinois, but they’ve emerged as a mascot for this working class town.

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But more recently, Olney has become known for something else…something that I personally take more interest in than any sort of pale-skinned rodent. A small community of gnomes has appeared along the west side of Illinois Route 130, just south of the Richland Country Club. After a seven-year hiatus, I finally made it back to my hometown to pay them a visit.

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You know you’ve arrived when you reach the sign marked “Gnomeville,” but you might just miss it if you blink. Over the winter holiday season, I convinced my fiancée and my parents to pull to the side of the highway so I could meet these gnomes for myself. I once called this place home and now they do, so clearly we had a lot in common.

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Olney’s Gnomeville has been around for a couple years now, and Cathy Fehrenbacher, who lives across from the highway display, has served as the unofficial caretaker for the gnome village.

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“It just kind of kept growing,” Cathy said. “It’s kind of stood on its own. It’s a group effort.”

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But unfortunately, the gnomes here are starting to look a bit weathered and are in desperate need of some tender loving care. I’m currently living in Atlanta, but if I only lived closer, I’d surely take them under my wing. Hopefully someone local will lend them a helping hand and keep the quaint and quirky tradition alive. This is a place where gnomes, albino squirrels, and my relatives can all coexist in peaceful harmony. And I look forward to paying them (gnomes, squirrels, and relatives) a visit next time I’m back home.

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Have you encountered any pop-up gnome communities where you live or have recently traveled? Keep an eye out, because these little guys and gals tend to settle in some of the most unexpected places!

*A version of this post is also published on Alyssa v. Nature and scheduled to be included in the spring edition of the International Gnome Club Newsletter!

The Day I Felt Up a Gnome

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Hey gnome fans, Roxy here. I just celebrated a birthday and have been doing some serious soul searching since then. I used to blog in the category, Secrets of a Slutty Girl Gnome,” but now I’m starting to second guess my life’s purpose.

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The tips aren’t that good anymore anyway.

Instead of slutting, I’ve turned to crafting. Somebody once said something about idle hands being the devil’s playthings. So in the spirit of playing instead of “playing,” here is the story of my first craft project…

In my regular following of “gnome news,” I came across an intriguing craft that I’d never heard of before. The craft is called “felting,” and this was the article: Felted Gnome Products on WCAX.com.

Felted gnome products? Whaaaaaaaaaaa?

I immediately began typing away on this Internet machine to pull up Susi Ryan’s Etsy shop, The Felted Gnome Knows. Felting, felting, WHAT THE HECK IS FELTING?!

According to Susi, “Needle Felting is a unique art. It is not an old technique, it started in the 1980s when some artists found that by using a machine felting needle they could shape wool by stabbing it . It takes many stabs, hours and bleeding fingers to sculpt wool but the results as you can see are terrific. There is something magical about wool felt creatures and paintings. It emanates warmth, strength and evokes a time when play was innocent.”

Welp, that’s enough for me! After a bit of browsing, I settled on purchasing Susi’s Felted Gnome Making Kit. A gnome making kit…just THINK of the possibilities!

What the heck am I supposed to do with all this?!

What the heck am I supposed to do with all this?!

A cute box full of supplies arrived promptly in the mail. I must admit that I was a teensy bit intimidated.

I settled in on the coffee table in the sunlight and opened up the instruction manual. Take a look at that white blog stuck with a needle onto a sponge-like thing. This is how it all began…

Head blob: check.

Head blob: check.

In an effort to bring more diversity to The Gnome Abode, I decided to create a brown gnome to join our clan. A rich hot sexy chocolate brown gnome. Mmmm…

You'd think those green things are arms but they're actually legs...GOTCHA

You’d think those green things are arms but they’re actually legs…GOTCHA

In practically no time at all, I had totally gotten the hang of felting. Basically, all you do is stab fuzzy stuff with a needle onto a sponge until it makes a certain shape. It’s a bit like sculpting, but involves adding more “stuff” on rather than whittling it away.

Hat-less hotness

Hat-less hotness

So in the end, this is how my first felting project turned out! Not only did I keep my hands busy and successfully complete my first anti-slut craft, but I also have a new boyfriend.

Finished product = my new boyfriend

Finished product = my new boyfriend

Whatever shall I name him????

xoxo,
Roxy the Gnome

P.S. – Have you tried felting? Share your tips or questions with me so I feel like I’m an integral part of the felting community…to cure my sluttiness once and for all…PLEASE!

The Day I Met Big Ears, Gnome Friend of Noddy from Enid Blyton’s Books

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Ahhh, hello there gnomies. It sure is easy to get caught up on all that Facebook crap and forget home much I love my original home…the drunk blog.

Not only did I rediscover the blog, but I also discovered an old timey gnome friend that I never before knew existed.

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He sits!

His name is Big Ears, and despite the typically normal quality of a gnome’s ears, he is a gnome friend Noddy from the Enid Blyton books. A good friend shipped him to us in the post, and my were we glad for make his acquaintance!

Some of us gnomes aren’t old enough to remember, but Big Ears was a crazy book and TV character in the mid-1900s. After doing a bit of digging, here’s what I came up with about or strange visitors distant past.

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Big Ears emerged onto the scene because of a little wooden boy named Noddy. Through a course of woodcarving, unwarranted fear, and aimless wandering, he meets Big Ears, who is sometimes referred to as a brownie.

What’s a brownie, you ask? Well I just read your mind.

According to English and Scottish folklore, a brownie is a legendary creature that resembles a hobgobiln and inhabits houses. #TheMoreYouKnow

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Well this Big Ears character was wise and lived in a toadstool house outside of Toytown. Thinking that Noddy, the wooden boy, is a toy, Big Ears takes him in, and in true gnomish fashion, takes care of him to a T.

Long story short, the Noddy and Big Ears stories were published between 1949 and 1963 – all 24 of them! He was on TV back in 1955 and a new Noddy in Toyland aired in 2011-2012. And all this time we were clueless…

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We would officially like to welcome Big Ears to our humble Gnome Abode. He’s the perfect size to accompany us as we move to a brand new gnome-friendly city in the upcoming weeks!

And don’t worry…we’ll stop teasing you about your ears one of these days.

He stands!

He stands!

Have you read these books or watched this show? Recommendations welcome – I feel the need for a book/show review coming on!

xoxo,
Ramon LeBeef the Gnome

Gnome Man’s Land: A California Fantasy Land 40 Years in the Making

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Imagine walking into the backyard of an unassuming single family home, only to find thousands of pairs of beady little eyes peering out at you beneath pointy red hats.1No, this isn’t the setup for some creepy B-horror film; it’s a dream-come-true for every hardcore gnome collector. This summer, I had the pleasure of visiting Gnome Man’s Land, an elaborate gnome home and garden in Santa Rosa, California.2Now this is no fly-by-night gnome collection tucked away in the bowels of obscurity. Oh, no no. This is a gnomish fantasy land nearly 40 years in the making, operated by my good friend and personal idol, Jean Fenstermaker.4Jean was inspired to create Gnome Man’s Land in the 1960s after a few key life events: her Disneyland storybook canal ride, her mother’s rock garden, and her friend who had two gnomes on an office desk. Jean’s first gnome garden was born on January 25, 1976 and spanned just 18 inches by 35 inches in size.

From the very beginning, Jean loved to create mini-themes within her garden and stories about her gnomes. With some plant clippings from her mother and tiny bridges and accessories built by her woodworking father, her gnomes’ stories began coming to life.3Over the years, Jean has created eight additional and separate gnome gardens in her backyard. There’s The Forest Rock Garden with wildlife, The Frog Garden with gnomes and amphibians co-existing in harmony, and the Life-Size Garden…which is, you guessed it, full of LIFE-SIZED GNOMES.

But keep your britches on…even in real life, gnomes are still pretty tiny.3You can find everyone from immigrant gnomes, partially-clothed gnomes using the bathroom, gnomes with gambling habits, gnomes fighting neighbor gnomes, and vegetable-growing gnomes lurking around every corner and begging for your attention.4The spring and summer seasons bring local visitors, out-of-state travelers, and gnome aficionados from around the globe to Jean’s gnome home. The typical crowd comes from church groups, “red hatters,” and senior living facilities. Gnomes are pretty fragile, and I know that if I ever have kids, I’ll be keeping my gnomes safely packed away ’til they’re old enough to understand how awesome they are.4I personally met Jean a few years ago through the International Gnome Club, where we are both tri-annual contributing newsletter writers. For over a decade now, I’ve gotten a kick out of being part of a subculture that baffles the other 99 percent of humanity.5I also just need to put this out there: Jean’s husband, Jim, deserves a ton of praise and recognition. Jim has helped build the gardens, weeds the plants, prunes the roses, AND he enthusiastically socializes with random gnome fanatics wandering through his backyard.

If I ever have a husband, he damned well better be as supportive of my gnome obsession as that Mr. Fenstermaker. And I’ll just leave it at that.6Despite Jean and Jim’s attempts at keeping a low profile, they’ve been featured in lots of newspapers – most recently the San Francisco Chronicle, which led to two subsequent radio interviews. Jean’s garden was featured in the amazing book Gnomeland by Margaret Egleton (yes, I have a copy). And TV crews have been out to her Santa Rosa home from Home & Garden TV, The Travel Channel, and ABC’s Dream Home and Collectibles.8Jean is one of the kindest and most welcoming human beings I’ve ever met. So much so that she made a sign (held up by a gnome, of course) welcoming my boyfriend and me to Gnome Man’s Land as soon as we pulled into the driveway.  Gnome collectors truly are kindred spirits.9After an extensive VIP tour of her gnome garden, Jean whipped out the Gnome Bingo cards and we settled in for some good ole’ fashioned non-monetary gambling with refreshments. Not surprisingly, each Bingo square depicted a themed section of Jean’s quirky gnome garden.7Much to my grumbling stomach’s delight, she offered to cook a delicious dinner to share with us to further chat about all-things-gnome and all-things-non-gnome. All of the dishes were adorned with gnomes, and there were even gnome cookies for dessert. Can you say gnome overload? I was practically hyperventilating for hours.10Jean has a true and unwavering passion for gnomes, and it shows so beautifully every time her eyes light up with the reflection of a red hat in the distance. She takes such pride in her home, yard, collection, and loyal following that I can’t help but admire her to the point of stealing her ideas for my own home display one day.

As I mentioned earlier, Jean and Jim like to keep a low profile. Although they are the friendliest of friendly to fellow gnome fans, they don’t exactly just open up their backyard to just anyone either.

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You just can’t be too cautious with vandals lurking in the night. I keep up with daily gnome news, and nearly every day there’s a police report filed about gnomes being maliciously stolen, broken, and vandalized!

However, if you’re ever planning a trip to the Napa Valley region of California and would like to have the BEST DAY EVER, I’m might just be able to hook you up with a Gnome Man’s Land VIP Tour.

(Restrictions and fees may apply. Kidding. Sort of.)11“Are there any real live gnomes in existence? If there are, I’d sure like to see one!” ~ The cautiously optimistic Jean Fenstermaker.

*This article was originally published in on November 12, 2014 in Alyssa v. Nature.