A Mysterious Antique Gnome from Texas

Howdy gnome fans,

Perhaps you’ve heard a little through the grapevine (mmm…wine) about my recent gnomish travels through Texas. It was grand, I must admit, and I have another confession to make as well.


I didn’t come home alone.

Now, now. Don’t let your mind fall into the gutter. It’s not a lady gnome and there’s no scandal.

And okay, to be fair….no I haven’t swung the other way in quite some time now.

But I did rescue a poor, old sap that I discovered in an antique shop in Austin. Uncommon Objects is a super-random vintage shop on Congress Avenue. As I strolled through the crowded, but surprisingly organized aisles, I just had a feeling that gnomes were living here.

Finally, I laid eyes on a set of three chipped and faded men with pointy hats. One was drinking, one was smoking, and one appeared to be sleeping.


I went into this long spheel about what a magical place The Gnome Abode was and only the smoker seemed interested. Figures.

I invited him to come back home with me…that is to venture outside his comfort zone and see another part of the world. He looked back at his brothers and said, “Eh, I’ve been standing next to these douchebags for the past 60 years. I need a change.”

And that was that.

All that smoke must have affected my new buddy’s memory because he can’t definitively recall where he came from or how old he is. This is where YOU come in!

If you’ve ever seen a gnome like him lurking about (probably outdoors…I mean, just look at his weathered skin condition!), please let me know! He’s ready to move on with his life and turn over a new leaf, but it’d be a pity for him to completely abandoned his past and all he’s been through.

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I mean for godssake, he must have had some tragic stuff go down to end up on the top shelf of a Texas vintage shop!

Please welcome this dude to our home. Dude doesn’t have a name yet, as there is much debate among the elders as to what he should be called. Suggestions welcome!

Zookwinkle the traveling gnome