I like to think I’m the jock of the gnome group, but lately I think the universe is telling to slow down. I played middle linebacker in the GFL (Gnome Football League) for six years and won the Badminton Olympic Championship in 1962.
Lately, it seems that my ceramic bones just aren’t what they’re cracked up to be. (No pun intended) (Ok maybe just a little pun). Anyway, the other gnomes have been teasing me about being so accident prone so I thought I would contribute some of my best injury stories here from time to time. Everyone loves a good laugh at someone else’s expense, right?!
Instead of winning the Heisman Trophy, these days I’m winning bets on who’s gonna end up in the ER the most times per week. I welcome sympathy cards, flowers, and crossword puzzles. Much obliged.
It’s no secret that the UK is THE place to be for all things gnome. Check out a couple blogs from international gnome journalist, Alyssa, to get inspired to a trip across the pond!
As you may have gathered from our most recent post about MORE instances of gnome theft by humans, we’re kind of pissed at all of you. But just like gnomes, not all humans are created equal. Some of you are okay.
One particular human on our “okay” list today is this Alyssa girl. She wrote an article about a gnome pub in Sevierville, Tennessee today. Obviously, we’re a big fan of this place.
Check it out at A Gnome Pub at the Edge of the Smoky Mountains.
Right on, girlfriend. Now make the rest of your species behave!
Have you read any good gnome news or reviews lately? Hit us up!
Moo,
Benjamin the Gnome
We gnomes have been really into watching the Olympics in Sochi this winter. Snowboarding, ice skating, luge…you name it!
Photo credit: DYLAN MARTINEZ/Reuters
Alas, we have finally settled on our very favorite Olympic athlete of these games. His name is Per Spett. He’s from Sweden. And apparently, he’s a gnome. Per is a freestyle moguls skier who finished in 11th place. Thanks to his small frame (he’s 5’6″) and his enviable beard, fans say he looks like a skiing gnome.
Despite his lack of medal-winning, he’s been insanely popular in these games. In the off-season, he works at an iron-ore mine in northern Sweden. I suppose that’s as good of a place as any for a gnome.
Have you seen any other Olympian gnomes in the Sochi games?
Team USA Shop sells some summer Olympian gnomes, but we have yet to see any of the winter variety.
Tip us off is you come across any others besides Per!
Rock on, Per. Moguls are crazy.
Benjamin “sporty spice” gnome
Well of COURSE the best beer bars in the U.S. are run by gnomes. Mad props, St. Paul…
http://www.bizjournals.com/twincities/news/2014/01/08/happy-gnome-republic-named-best-beer.html
Believe it or not, we gnomes are really into the human Super Bowl. For years now, I’ve been trying to organize the GFL (gnomish football league) but I can’t seem to get enough guys to participate. So many of these wimps are freaked out about getting their fragile ceramic hands broken and whatnot.
You know what I say….MAN UP! But alas, one gnome cannot play football alone. That’d just be weird. And logistically impossible.
So while my dude counterparts may be lame, we are all pumped for today’s game. My new favorite player is this linebacker on the 49’ers. Looks like it’s been a rough few last games for this lil’ bugga.
(Checkout Darkside Creations on ebay for more awesomeness).
Need more proof that gnomes are into football? Check out how many gnomes from various teams are sporting their teams colors! Some of you have referred to these gnomes as “sell-outs”…mere props for sports fans to give as gifts to other sports fans.
Personally, I have a lot of respect for these sports team gnomes because they have found a way to appeal to a broader audience and increase our presence in an otherwise ambivalent community of television zombies. Do you really think that sports fans would give a shit about us otherwise?! Probably not. So sports gnomes…..I salute you! Keep fighting good fight and I’m right there with you (in true Michigan spirit).
So no matter who you’re rooting for this evening…we truly hope that you are rowdy, obnoxious, and appropriately drunk.
Sure there’s the commercials and the puppy bowl, but honestly the booze is really what it’s all about here in The Abode.
Happy Super Bowl Day!
Benjamin The Gnome