Dear Amish Meth Lab,

I think you’re totally hot. All of you….the controlling one, the rebellious one, the spiritual one, and the lazy one…all of you! And as a new band, I’m sure you need groupies, right? RIGHT?!

Well, my name is Roxy and I would like to be the first to submit my application to be your first groupie. Whatever your hazing process is, I’m sure I’ve had worse and can rock it.

My previous groupie experience includes stalking other gnome bands including but not limited to Backyard to the Backdoor, The Bearded Boners, and Pointy Hat to the Max.

Here’s some pictures of my tits in case you are on the fence about accepting my application 😉

Please PLEASE contact me if you need any further information. Otherwise, I’ll be waiting backstage for you at your April 1st concert in San Fran! Can’t wait!

xoxo,

Roxy The Busty Groupie Gnome

The guys told me to write something in here, so la dee freaking da. I am left handed but I play a right handed cello just so I have something to tell people about. Other than that, I just kinda hang around and make some noise. That is all.

Whatever and yeah,

Starr The Gnome

Music is the truth, the way, and the light. If I can make one person open up his or her mind to see the songs in the words we speak and the notes in the text we read, I have fulfilled my purpose in this temporary existence.

I play the violin for Amish Meth Lab and I’m throwing up my hands in exultation at the opportunity to play our first gig on April 1st. I’ve played the violin since I was 4 months old and not a single day has gone by since then that I haven’t picked it up and played a few tunes.

Although I thrive upon solitude to sense the sounds of nature and feel the voices spark within my soul, I silently influence my other wayward band mates to find the spirits that will guide them on their path. I’m try to not become consumed with worry that they focus too much on fame and fortune rather than how we can make the world a beautiful place with our hard core folk reggae gifts. I pray that the spirit that rests in me will eventually rest in them.

Namaste,

Harrison The Gnome

Make soil, not dirt. Make flowers, not weeds. Make weed, not ditch weed.

My fans always ask me how I put up with that arrogant bastard, McCartney. My answer to them is that every day is an gift to be experienced and to learn from. The more uptight he gets, the defiant I get. The more bossy he gets, the more rebellious I get. He and I have a dynamic that I’m only beginning to understand. I need to go meditate on that for a few hours.

Oh yeah and there’s the other guys too. They’re cool.

I love playing the trumpet because I feel that using my lips so much every day will make me the greatest kisser of all time. Gnomes never thought that trumpets could play reggae, but I have shown them they’re wrong.

I love you all and hope all you fans come to our first show on April 1st! I am not opposed to signing bras, boobs, and any other lady parts that might be flashed at me.

Harmony of the whales,

Lennon The Gnome