Are “Snorfs” The New Gnomes?!

It’s no secret that we gnomes are always up on the latest and greatest trends in gnomish society on and around the interweb.  However, newly appointed gnome scout, L.N., took us by surprise us by discovering an amazing site from 3 Eyed Bear!

No, I don’t know why the bear has 3 eyes. Perhaps you should ask the bear himself/herself. I’m sure it’s a great story.

This site has instructions on how to make snorfs! What’s a snorf, you ask? According to the 3 Eyed Bear, “The Snorfs are your friendly little home-gnomes to brighten up any place.”

Sameer The Snorf

Accordingly to Urban Dictionary, “snorf” is:

  1. To speak with an overly noticeable lisp as a result of physical deformation, usually in the lips
  2. The offspring of a Smurf and a Snork.  These amphibious blue creatures measure three apples high and play the trumpet.”
  3. When you are drinking a drink (usually beer) and at the same time someone makes you laugh and your beer comes out your nose and you snorf everywhere.
  4. To shoplift a small item by hiding it up the nose.

Deepak the Snorf

Regardless of whatever the hell they are, everyone at The Abode has tossed aside our  shovels, stethoscopes, and frying pans for the day. Work has been cancelled for everyone!

Today has been deemed International Snorf Day and we are all super busy making paper craft snorfs. A couple of our best crafts are displayed here.

Even though most of us are pasty white, we’re excited to for an array of diverse gnomes to join our clan. No chicks though. WTF? How about a paper lady snorf or two, 3 Eyed Bear!?

Check it out! We’re building an army!

Continuing on with craft day!
Alfredo the Craftin’ Fool of a Gnome

1st Annual Movie and TV Gnome Sighting Contest!


Dear beloved gnomes, humans, and everyone in between,

I am pleased to announce a brand new contest that The Gnome Abode is hosting. The 1st Annual Movie and TV Gnome Sighting Contest kicks off today and you won’t wanna miss out!

1. Watch a bunch of movies and/or television shows
2. Locate one or more gnomes in one or more scenes
3. Take a screen shot OR jot down the time stamp when the gnome(s) were spotted
4. Make a post about the gnome sighting on our Facebook page

1. Submit as many sightings as possible. There’s no limit!
2. Make your submissions by midnight on August 31, 2012
3. Deliver cookies to us. We DO accept bribes.
4. The Gnome Abode Contest Board (GACB) will vote on the top 3 sightings

1st Place: Hand-sewn gnome doll from The Gnome Abode Sewing Club (GASC)
2nd Place: Hand-sculpted gnome figure from The Gnome Abode Sculpting Club (GASC2)
3rd Place: Hand-painted gnome portrait from the Gnome Abode Painting Club (GAPC)

I’m Sketchy Andy The Gnome and you can contact me for any stupid questions you might have. Don’t dilly dally around any longer! Get to watching stuff and WIN!

Good luck!
Sketchy Andy The Gnome

UPDATE! – Scandalous Past of Tabitha The Gnome…REVEALED!

That bastard of a lizard might be an alright guy after all!

St. Bastille Day contacted me after reading my earlier post and advised that he had supplemental material for my investigation. He blathered on about wanting to destroy all gnomekind…blah blah blah…but then he got to the good part.

Apparently both he AND Zookwinkle knew Tabitha before she moved to the Gnome Abode! Who would have guessed! I don’t understand the history between the three of them, but that mystery will have to be solved another today.

Because today, we have THIS!

Look at her head. Look at her body. They are so far away from each other!

Proof! Proof is mine! All mine! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…..

Signing off,
The Book of Genesis The Gnome

P.S. – Jerry, hey man, I’m still waiting for your call. What gives?

Scandalous Past of Tabitha The Gnome…REVEALED!

You may recall some recent posts from that gnome bitch, Tabitha, about getting a restraining order against me and planning her marriage to Jerry. Well I’m not the kind of gnome that goes down without a fight.

She thinks she can do better than me?! She thinks she’s gonna be Gnome Queen?! She’s got another thing coming to her.

Through unrevealed sources, I have located a copy of Tabitha’s medical records that show she underwent head transplant surgery just one month before moving to The Gnome Abode.




It appears that she has since tampered with her medical records, because there are no photos of her previous head, nor of the actual procedure. However, such photos could not have simply disappeared into thin air and I am damn well determined to find them!

Post-surgical photos were included in her file though. Apparently, this procedure was performed by a MONKEY, in the depths of the jungle….assumedly so that no one would ever find out about this freakish ordeal!

I Googled this supposed “doctor” (who goes by the name Happy Go Lucky) and cannot find any records of him obtaining a medical degree at all. Apparently, he specializes in bringing things back from the dead. Shown here is a photograph I uncovered of “Doctor” Lucky with one of his living-dead surgical patients.

Who IS Tabitha The Gnome? I hope that this post puts as many questions in your mind as it puts in mind….espeically when she attempts to ascend the throne of gnomish society.

Hugs & kisses,

*The Book of Genesis, Aspiring Gnome Detective*

P.S. – Jerry! Are you reading this? WTF?! Call me!

Climbing to California and Drinking to Belgium

My brother and awesome gnome rock climbing champion, Horace, let me tag along with him to his favorite climbing gym and post-climbing beers.

His gym, Vertical Endeavors, has daily specials for ‘student night’, ‘ladies night’, and ‘gnome night. Horace taught me how to belay and I only dropped him twice! Fortunately, he’s developed a lot of ceramic callouses from climbing so much and sustained only minor scratches and dents. He successfully climbed his first ever 5.10c. Numbers? Letters? I have no idea what that means, but he seemed pretty dang pleased with himself.

I got about 3 inches off the ground, which I was pretty dang pleased about considering that I’m about 3 inches tall.

He tells me that I’d better step up my game though because his goal is to climb the Gnome Dome in the San Bernardino Mountains of California by the end of the year. Oh boy.

Apparently post-climbing beers are mandatory in climbing culture. I can get on board with that!

We went to a bar called World of Beer, and oh what a splendid time we had! Being the “play it on the safe side” kind of gnome, that I am, I ordered one of my all-time favorites, Delirium Tremens. That silly pink elephant gets me every time!

My adventurous brother ordered a draft of Greenbush Loudmouth Soup. “Soup?” I asked him….”Soup!?”.

He smiled, nodded and fished out a handful of mushrooms to pay for our beers.

He let me take a sip of his soup, which tasted nothing like any soup I’ve ever had before. From this moment forward, I will be open-minded enough to drink any and all kinds of soup presented to me.

Since it was a Thursday night and we both had to work in the morning, Horace decided that we shouldn’t get wasted. He must know best. But I did want to get wasted. Sometimes having a big brother is a pain in the ass.

For desert, we got some odd “mixed beer” that had a chocolate beer and and orange beer. I couldn’t wrap my head around the concept and I still can’t. Stop making me try….my head hurts, okay?

As the server was bringing us our bill, I spotted something red and pointy out of the corner of my eye. Our favorite brewery, La Chouffe, had their sign hung behind the bar! There was also a gnome dude hanging out on a shelf above the taps who looked exactly like the famous La Chouffe gnome from Belgium! (An impersonator, perhaps?)

What a gnome-friendly bar! Next, I must find my way to California and to Belgium! But…how?

Happy Friday!
Doors Open on the Left at Clark and Lake, The Gnome