Gnome Disc Golf Tournament Tomorrow!

Posted on October 18, 2013 by Caesar

Rise Of The Gnome Disc Golf Tournament Is Saturday

Thursday, October 17, 2013

The Rise of the Gnome disc golf tournament will be on Saturday. This will be the second disc golf tournament held at Camp Jordan. It will be hosted by Kevin Tuner of the Chattanooga Flying Disc Club. The CFDC is a local non-profit which promotes youth recreation through disc-related activities, disc golf and ultimate.

Officials said, “We create opportunities for local families by building disc golf facilities, providing low cost recreation for the community. We feel that getting the kids off the couch, out from in front of the Gameboys is important to promote healthy outdoor activities with family and friends. Kids who have health active relationships with their family become our leaders our future.”

The CFDC and its members have been active participants in funding and building courses at the Chambliss Home, Carver recreation center and multiple other locations in the area surrounding Chattanooga. Camp Jordan is the newest and largest disc golf course in the area.

The tournament on Saturday will put on display a huge array of skill sets in disc golf, from some of the best players in the Southeast to players who had only played for a few months.

Rounds will be in play from 10 a.m.-12 p.m. and from approximately 2-5 p.m.

*I love disc golf. Why don’t we throw a tournament tomorrow here at The Gnome Abode too!?

Team organization meeting today at 4.

Yours in stoner wellness,
Caesar the gnome

Ex-Politician Liberates Gnomes in Australia

Posted on October 17, 2013 by Dumblebore

It should come as no surprise to Australians that ex-politician, Eoin Cameron, is propagating the gnome liberation movement. Formerly a liberal member for the Federal seat of Stirling, Cameron is now a famous radio announcer.

Wanna know a little more about the guy? Well he likes cooking, American cars, eating, and drinking. He also likes GARDENING. And you know what “gardening” is code for…GNOMES.

Cameron has started a campaign called The Gnomecoming, and his mission is to liberate garden gnomes in Perth. Cameron predicts that radio station 720 ABC Perth’s resident gnome, Rascal, will be the first set free.

Cameron is offering to take any and all garden gnomes to Gnomesville for a happier lifestyle. Area residents are encouraged to release their gnomes from captivity and let them join the others at the junction of Wellington Mill and Ferguson roads.

Apparently over 3,000 gnomes have migrated from oppressive homes to Gnomeville. If you’d like to free your gnome, you can drop it off with a donation to the Princess Margaret Hospital Foundation at the radio station.

We at The Drunk Gnome would like to publicly show our support for Cameron and his gnome liberation movement. We’ve been stalking your Facebook page, buddy, and we see mention of winning a weekend away to see Gnomesville in the beautiful Ferguson Valley.

Does this include airfare from the States? If so, we have lots of gnomes to send your way!

Reporting live from nowhere near Australia,
Dumblebore the Gnome

A Mysterious Antique Gnome from Texas

Posted on October 16, 2013 by Zookwinkle

Howdy gnome fans,

Perhaps you’ve heard a little through the grapevine (mmm…wine) about my recent gnomish travels through Texas. It was grand, I must admit, and I have another confession to make as well.

I didn’t come home alone.

Now, now. Don’t let your mind fall into the gutter. It’s not a lady gnome and there’s no scandal.

And okay, to be fair….no I haven’t swung the other way in quite some time now.

But I did rescue a poor, old sap that I discovered in an antique shop in Austin. Uncommon Objects is a super-random vintage shop on Congress Avenue. As I strolled through the crowded, but surprisingly organized aisles, I just had a feeling that gnomes were living here.

Finally, I laid eyes on a set of three chipped and faded men with pointy hats. One was drinking, one was smoking, and one appeared to be sleeping.

I went into this long spheel about what a magical place The Gnome Abode was and only the smoker seemed interested. Figures.

I invited him to come back home with me…that is to venture outside his comfort zone and see another part of the world. He looked back at his brothers and said, “Eh, I’ve been standing next to these douchebags for the past 60 years. I need a change.”

And that was that.

All that smoke must have affected my new buddy’s memory because he can’t definitively recall where he came from or how old he is. This is where YOU come in!

If you’ve ever seen a gnome like him lurking about (probably outdoors…I mean, just look at his weathered skin condition!), please let me know! He’s ready to move on with his life and turn over a new leaf, but it’d be a pity for him to completely abandoned his past and all he’s been through.

I mean for godssake, he must have had some tragic stuff go down to end up on the top shelf of a Texas vintage shop!

Please welcome this dude to our home. Dude doesn’t have a name yet, as there is much debate among the elders as to what he should be called. Suggestions welcome!

Tootaloo!
Zookwinkle the traveling gnome

Gnomes, Literature, and Parasitic Plants

Posted on October 14, 2013 by Lurleen Lumpkin Sitting on a Pumpkin

Many of us at the Gnome Abode have weird freaking names. There’s DoorsOpenOnTheLeftAtClarkAndLake, ChumbawambaIGetKnockedDown, and don’t even get me started on Bernastacio Socatine de la Guadalupe Sanches Garza.

Well today, I stumbled across a gardening article that discussed a gnome that shares a name with a parasitic plant.

Random enough for your Monday? I thought so.

The Little Grey Men is a book about the last four remaining gnomes in Britain. The three most important ones are Dodder, Sneezewort, and Baldmoney. Dodder the gnome, apparently shares his name with a parasitic plant that creates havoc in the world of botany.

In the book, Dodder is the oldest and wisest of the gnomes. He has a wooden leg and a long beard that he dyed with walnut juice. How resourceful.

Dodder, the plant, is pretty whack because it doesn’t have any chlorophyll. To take you back to elementary school science class, that’s the stuff that makes plants green.

Apparently, golden dodder originates from North America and damages crops. However, the WORD “dodder” originates from Germany and means egg yolk. The plant has all kinds of secret identities/multiple personalities and has also been called by the names, Beggar Vine, Love Vine, and Strangleweed.

The dodder plant’s purpose in life is to latch onto other plants and remove their nutrients. How rude.

What is my point in all of this? Well I don’t really have one. Except to point out how weird our names are, and therefore how weird we gnomes are too.

Mind your gardens, folks!

Love truly,
LurleenLumpkinSittingOnAPumpkin the gnome

Meeting Gnome Chomsky: The World’s Second Largest Concrete Gnome

Posted on October 11, 2013 by gnomeplaya

Perhaps you recall my semi-recent article about visiting the world’s largest concrete gnome in Ames, Iowa. As I road-tripped through the Northeastern United States in July, I decided it was only fair to introduce myself to the world’s second largest concrete gnome as well. His name is Gnome Chomsky and he lives at Kelder’s Farm in upstate New York.

Standing at 13-feet, 6-inches tall, Chomsky held the Guinness World Record for “world’s tallest garden gnome” for four years. Since that time, Chomsky has been “out-talled” by 15-foot Elwood in Iowa and a 17-foot, 8 inch fiberglass gnome in Poland. Competition aside, Chomsky was absolutely stunning.

Kelder’s Farm is a 100-acre working farm that sells seasonal fruits and vegetables, runs a mini-golf course, features a petting zoo, and offers educational tours for children. The farm also gives visitors the opportunity to milk a cow, enjoy a hayride, navigate a corn maze, and explore a greenhouse.

Chomsky has become famous on popular travel sites like Roadside America and Atlas Obscura. Believe it or not, Chomsky was born in New York City. Artists Maria Reidelbach, Ken Brown, and John Hutchinson built him while renovating another mini-golf course. That course closed, and in 2006, Chomsky was moved up to Kelder’s Farm in Kerhonkson, New York. “Kerhonkson needed something big and wonderful to draw attention to this beautiful part of Ulster County,” said Reidelbach, “and Kelder’s Farm is such an authentic, welcoming place, I thought a traditional, friendly, roadside colossus would be just the thing.”

After spending some quality time with Chomsky and coercing my boyfriend into taking dozens of photos, I ventured inside the barn to check out the gift shop. You can find everything from gnome t-shirts to postcards and temporary tattoos amongst the produce. Since Chomsky is no longer a world record holder, the clever folks at Kelder’s Farm have started referring to him the the “First World’s Largest Garden Gnome and the “World’s Cutest Gnome.” I must admit, he is considerably cuter than his Midwestern counterpart!

So if you ever find yourself traveling through upstate New York, I would definitely suggest stopping by Kelder’s Farm to visit Gnome Chomsky and play a round of mini-golf. And if you can’t make it out that way, at least you can keep up with him on Facebook. Yes, Chomsky has his own Facebook page!

The Drunk Gnome

Just when you thought your garden was sober…

Monthly Archives: October 2013