Author Archives: Pablo

About Pablo

Just because I mutter incomprehensible and disjointed random shit under my breath from time to time, the other gnomes are trying to get me institutionalized. I ride a bunny rabbit around the yard because I’ve decided that feet are unnecessary. Bunny rabbits make better friends than gnomes anyway and they’re way softer. Ooo! Sparkles!

I’m Baaaaaaaack From the Desert!!!!!!!!

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Hola gnome neighbors!

As of about 2am this morning, I have arrived back to The Gnome Abode from my journey to Death Valley. There was a brief stint in Vegas, but I’m undecided as to whether those travel details will be released.

As you may have guessed from the lack of blog posts, there was zero phone or interweb reception out there in the desert, so I have lots to tell you all!

However, for now I must sleep off this pesky hangover and organize my amazing photograph collection from the trip.

In the meantime, I’ll just say that the “hottest and driest place in North America” was cold and rainy during my stay there. WTF?!

Until I’m more coherent….
Pablo The Desert Gnome

Later, bitches! I’m Goin’ to Death Valley!

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Move over, Zookwinkle. Step aside, Sheldon. There’s still fairness in The Gnome Abode!

I, Pablo The Gnome (along with my trusty Runny Babbit), have been selected by random lottery to join Gnomeplaya and Gnomecow on a magical journey to Death Valley!

We depart this evening and rumor has it that our flight is delayed. I’ve never been on a plane before. So I can only assume that “delayed” means that everything is working A-OK!

We’re flying into Vegas….for one night and one night only. I was relieved to learn that Happy Go Lucky The Monkey is coming along on this trip as well. You see, Happy was born in Vegas….he was “won” by Gnomeplaya at a carnival game involving tossing balls into buckets at Circus Circus. So he should be able to show me a good time this evening.

Then tomorrow, we’re off to the desert for loads of backpacking, hiking, camping, and dehydration! I have no idea what to expect, but since I’ve never had the honor of being a “travel gnome” before, I’m stoked! Runny Babbit is too!

We’ll try to send back an occasional picture or two to share on the blog.

Wish me luck!

Goodbye kisses,
Pablo, the latest and greatest traveling gnome

How to Smuggle an Undocumented Gnome Across a Border

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Just ask Zookwinkle! He recently snuck across the Canadian border and back with no official documentation whatsoever! As you may remember, Sheldon is the only gnome in The Abode with a passport. He plays it old school. Zook’s something of a renegade.

Here’s his advice on how to brake all sorts of international laws and not get busted:

1. Surround yourself with lots of distracting and cuddly creatures while going through border check. Hold really still so the agent thinks you’re just a toy.

 2. Hitch a ride on a freight train. Border patrol never checks boxcars that smell really nasty, so pick one of those to set up camp.

3. Submit paperwork that has nothing to do with immigration to confuse everyone. Peso helped me complete and notarize this beer tasting form, which was way more fun to fill out anyway.

4.  Bring a bodyguard with you wherever you go. Scary black birds generally do the trick. No one dares mess with me when this beast got my back.

This dude is my hero.

Admirably yours,
Pablo The Gnome

Just another standard Saturday afternoon of hookah smoking, vodka drinking, oil painting, and Velcro ball playing with my rabbit sidekick in the park

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Just another standard Saturday afternoon of hookah smoking, vodka drinking, oil painting, and Velcro ball playing with my rabbit sidekick in the park. Usually Drumsticks (yeah that’s my rabbit) and I do our own thing and totally enjoy escaping the chaos of The Gnome Abode. However, today Drumsticks and I made a few friends along the way.

I heard a “pssssstttt!” from the bushes. I took another puff and dipped by brush in the water bowl. “Pssssttt!” There it was again. I secured my wallet and phone in my back pockets just to play it safe, and cautiously walked towards the “pssssttt’ing” bush. I pushed a couple branches aside and this is what I found…

A home-brew gnome! I’ve heard of gnomes that have magical beer-making powers, but I’ve never actually met one! This dude had frothy brews, hoppy brews, fruity brews…you name it! Apparently he just signed a lease to open his own brewery in an abandoned warehouse on Porter Street.

Dude said his name was Cassius and offered me a sampler platter, to which I certainly did not deny! My favorite was definitely the Mushroom Stem Brown Ale. I can’t exactly remember why, but I know there was something good in there.

I took Cassius’ business card and rode Drumsticks away just before sunset and just before I overstayed my “we just met” welcome. I found myself wandering through the park, staring at leaves and seeing their colors like they’d never been seen before.

Since I wasn’t exactly watching where I was going, I accidently walked into a baseball game. I didn’t even know I walked into a game until a foul ball knocked Drumsticks right out from under me. I’m sure he’ll be okay. That touch ole’ bugga.

I thought theses dudes were gonna be way pissed. They looked super professional and stuff.

Much to my surprise, they stopped their game to come introduce themselves. Apparently their center fielder had suffered a chipped foot injury and they were down a man. They circled around me and began to peer-pressure me to step in to be the replacement.

Baseball is intense. the balls come fast and the gloves are made of animals, much like Drumsticks. I much prefer the slow-paced vibe of Velcro mitt ball and I wanted to bail, but I wasn’t sure how my exit strategy would go.

So I ran. And I ran. And I ran ’til I could run no more.

I’m back at The Gnome Abode somehow and the effects of Cassius’ special edition home-brew are long worn off. Maybe I’ll make some cookies.

Peace out,

Pablo The Gnome

Pablo’s “Missed Connection” Ad for the International Gnome Club Newsletter

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As some of you may recall, I suffer from a serious disorder that causes me to produce brilliant works on art in my sleep while completely unconscious. This morning I woke up with an average level hangover and a pile of drool on my pillow.

Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Wrong.

Look who I woke up next to! Okay, so I woke up next to a drawing on a piece of paper of her, not the real life tangible version of her. Irregardlessly, isn’t is beautiful? She’s ridding a white rabbit just like me! We have so much in common already that I feel that she already understands me and I don’t even know her name. Sure, there may be some racial tension once our families meet. She’s clearly a green-skinned alien of some sort and I’m clearly a stubby little garden gnome. But I am a romantic and I believe true love can overcome all obstacles…even unreasonable ones such as these.

I am willing to fight to the death against those weird flying balloon shaped thingies with glowing eyes just to be with her. Now come the hard part….finding out who she is and where she is. Hmm. Surely, she must exist outside of my realm of unconsciousness. This feels too real to be unreal.

I’ve put together one of those “missed connections” ads for the International Gnome Club Newsletter in the off chance that we actually did pass each other in the conscious world and make a real connection. Here’s what I got so far….what do you think?

“You: A flat piece of paper depicting a beautiful alien riding a bunny .

Me: The lovestruck gnome on a bunny you woke up next to this morning. 

Your flowing crimson hair captivates me and makes me wonder if the carpet matches the drapes. We are soul mates. Our bunnies are soul mates.

I propose we meet on Easter Sunday. Then I propose marriage to you. Then I propose coloring some Easter eggs and hiding them in my backyard for our honeymoon.  

Surely, you feel the strength of our connection. And although I am posting this in the ‘Missed Connections’ section of the newsletter, I sure hope I haven’t missed you forever. I will be shamelessly drooling over and masturbating to your picture day and night until Easter Sunday.

True Love Always and Forever,

Pablo The Gnome”