An Idea About a Gnome Museum (a post by a human!)

After an extensive approval process and a crap ton of paperwork, I (a human!) have been granted limited access to The Drunk Gnome for the purpose of making one blog post. The gnomes around here are freaking protective of their blog….sheesh!

I wrote this article to pitch an idea about opening a gnome museum. King Jerry finally decided it was in the collective gnomish interest to publish my article. Whew. Hooray! Let me know what you think!

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An Idea About a Gnome Museum

I recently helped my grandma, Ruth, move into an assisted living facility due to her health. For nearly thirty years, she lived in a lovely three-bedroom ranch home in a quiet Central Illinois town. Although she was not a gnome collector, she collected souvenir bells, decorative plates, and angel figurines. As a beloved member of her church and community, Grandma Ruth’s friends and neighbors always give her small gifts for her birthday, Christmas, and as travel souvenirs.

Moving to Brookstone Estates meant Grandma Ruth would need to downsize her belongings to fit into a small one-bedroom apartment. As my parents and I sorted through the rooms of her house, we were overwhelmed by how many collectible items she had collected over the years. She slowly came to realize that she could not take many of her treasures with her.

Since neither my parents nor I had ample storage space, we arranged to hold an estate auction at the community building. Setting aside her most favorite pieces to keep, we reluctantly boxed up her collectibles, applied priced tags, and set them on tables for neighbors and friends to browse through. Almost all of Grandma Ruth’s collectible items were purchased at the estate auction. However, I couldn’t help but feel a pit in my stomach over her beloved bells, plates, and angels being sold for pocket change to people I didn’t know.

This experience made me think about my own collection of gnomes and other gnome collections around the world. Then an idea came to me…a gnome museum! I would love to create a museum for gnome collectors to contribute to and for gnome fans to visit.

To put these ideas into motion, I would reach out to gnome collectors and inquire if they would be willing to donate one gnome from their collections to join gnomes from around the globe to be featured in the museum. The International Gnome Club Newsletter is a perfect venue to get the word out! I would also manage a website with details about how to donate gnomes to the museum and blueprints of how the museum would be organized. I’ve already secured the domain name, www.gnomemuseum.com

I have a few ideas about how to organize the museum to feature individual rooms for collectors with multiple donations, separate sections for gnomes doing different activities and collected from different eras. In addition to gnomish displays, I would love to organize family-friendly activities and events such as gnome craft-making, gnome scavenger hunts in the yard, gnome-themed refreshments, and a gnome expert speaker series.

Although I have some ideas, I am sure that some of you gnome enthusiasts reading this have many more! I would love to hear your thoughts about establishing a gnome museum, what should be included in one, and suggested museum locations. Although Grandma Ruth has come to terms with her lost collections and enjoys living at Brookstone Estates, I can’t help but think she’d be happier if her beloved items were consolidated in one place for others to truly appreciate the way she did.

Please contact me by email with your thoughts, suggestions, and advice at [email protected]I look forward to hearing from you and keeping our gnome collections preserved for future generations of gnome enthusiasts!

Sincerely,
Gnomeplaya The Human

 

Book Club Tonight at The Gnome Abode!

 

We gnomes are all a lil’ tuckered out from recent travels and are in serious need of some chill time. Therefore, I am hosting the first monthly book club gathering at The Abode. Tonight!

TONIGHT’S NOVEL: The Mysterious Island by Jules Verne

WHEN TO SHOW UP: 7:28pm CST

WHAT TO BRING: Your Kindle, your literary brilliance, your sense of adventure, and your drinkin’ pants

WHAT TO WEAR: Tattered attire and soiled hats

WHAT WE’LL DRINK:  Shipwrecked Cocktails
(3 oz Dr. Pepper, 1 oz Kracken Spiced Rum, 1 oz Jack Daniels Whiskey, 1/2 oz Cinnamon Schnapps)

No RSVP necessary. See ya guys in a few!
The Quick Brown Fox, The Gnome

Gnomeland’s Most Wanted: Rubber Duckies In Disguise

You humans seem to think that rubber duckies are all fun and games. I’m here to inform you all that you are wrong. Dead wrong. They are dangerous, they are criminals, and they all need to be deflated with a sharp pin…one by one.

Young humans seem to enjoy them. (Naïve little freak shows.)

Old ass humans seem to think they’re pretty swell as well. (Put on a freaking shirt!)

Ernie, of the dynamic Bert & Ernie Duo, sings a whole song about them and I’m pretty sure he’s not even a human OR an animal! It’s Rubber Duckie You’re The One if you dare expose yourself to this unprecedented evil.

It’s a little known fact that gnomes and rubber ducks have never seen eye to eye. This goes beyond the obvious fact that they are short and we are awesome.

However, I never thought I’d see the day when The Gnome Abode became plagued by gang activity. But here we are, suddenly scared to come out of our mushroom homes because of the flash mobs and petty theft all of the sudden. There’s only one group of terrorist to blame….the rubber duckies.

I first encountered the Rubber Duckie gang over the weekend. There were four of them and only two of us. Richard Simmons Jr. is kind of a pansy, so it was more like one and a half.

I couldn’t believe what I saw….I was speechless! These gang members were dressed up LIKE GNOMES! Did those sneaky ass bastards really thought they were going fool us by infiltrating our gnomish society? Really? REALLY?! Ha! You have underestimated the power of the gnomes, my dear ducklings.

I had lunch with the monkeys today and they reported an infiltration in their neighborhood as well. We all gotta stick together and fight for justice. Gnomes and monkeys (who’s that pig?) shall stand as one!

These four shifty critters are now on the top of Gnomeland’s Most Wanted list. Here are their mug shots so you can properly identify them when they invade your house to splash shampoo in your eye or fart in your bathwater.

The terrorist threat level has officially been raised to MAGENTA.

Be careful out there, and remember…if you see something, say something.

Sincerely,
Speak No Gnome
GPD Beat Cop

New Chinese Medicine Gnome Physician Hired!

Despite the lack of racial diversity in modern gnome society, Chinese medicine has prevailed as the primary practice for curing gnomish illinesses of all kinds.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dr. Alvin Chu, MD LAC DIPL OM. The Gnome Abode Health Advisory Board hired me today to serve as the general practitioner for The Gnome Abode. I suggest that you peruse the list of services that I offer and schedule a consultation immediately. You’re probably sick and a mere one day closer to an untimely demise.

  • Traditional Chinese Gnome Herbal Medicine Treatment: 22 mushrooms

  • Traditional Chinese Gnome Garlic and Horned Melon Treatment: 98 mushrooms

  • Traditional Chinese Gnome Accupuncture: 49 mushrooms

  • Traditional Chinese Gnome Wound Care: 13 mushrooms

Sincerely,

Dr. A. Chu

***Office Location: 17 S. Get Well Boulevard, The Gnome Abode, U.S.A***

***Office Hours: Monday-Sunday 4:00am to 1:00am***