We’re not sure what all the buzz is about, but it seems that Zookwinkle has a side gig!
This website is far from informative or explanatory, but Zookwinkle is clearly advertising for it. I’ve been trying to corner him all day, and he’s totally dodging me.
Has anyone seen something lamignomish in your neighborhood yet? Some of their messages are dreadfully ominous.
Not the way I wanted to start off my Monday morning…
Horace the Gnome
Even gnomes try to save a buck from time to time. Gardening and looking good don’t exactly pay well, ya know?
With that being said, I was shopping for groceries at Aldi today. Lo and behold, what did I find beyond the mediocre produce section?
GNOMES
For $8.99, you can have your very own discount grocery gnome. Who knew?! In all my days shopping at Aldi, I’ve never seen a gnome. Mad props, grocers….mad props.
Is Aldi scared of being sued is they use the proper term, “gnome”? Garden Figurine? Why be so vague? Aldi employees: feel free to respond in your defense.
Back to my tortellini,
Alfredo the Gnome
Nothing breaks up the ho-hum of the start of another grueling week in the The Gnome Abode like a Monday afternoon stroll.
It was rather pleasant outside today, and I found myself craving eggplant. Perhaps you didn’t know it, but gnomes LOVE eggplant.
After picking myself a fresh one at the Mexi-market, I put one ceramic foot in front o the other down California Avenue. Lo and behold, just before I reached Cortland, I laid eyes on a trapped gnome!
He was faded from the sun and flanked by reflectors! Why are reflectors needed? Is there danger of traffic in this yard? This is no place for a gnome. He didn’t even have any fellow gnomes living in the near vicinity.
This is a call to action for all residents near the Mexi-market. Feed this gnome….he’s pale as shit. Bathe this gnome…it smells like he rarely gets a wash. And bring this gnome a lady…he looks awfully lonely.
The only company nearby was this…whatever this is..
Headless dolls. Covered in paint. Plucked out eyes. Children’s handwriting about saving a school.
WHAT?!?!??!
This was creepy to say the least. Save the wayward gnome….save him. Somebody.
Sincerely,
Seamus the Gnome
A German artist recently made 500 “gnomes” in the likeness of Karl Marx in honor of the Communist leader’s 195th birthday.
The gnome community divided as to our views on Communism, but political views aside, I must declare….these statutes are NOT gnomes!
These gnomes need hats! C’mon Communists….get it right!
I realize they’re already red, but that doesn’t excuse them from the red pointy hat tradition.
Maybe I can quickly make and ship 500 hats to Germany to cover the statute’s cold, bare heads. Does anyone else have some spare time this weekend and some extra red felt lying around the house?
PLEASE?
Tabitha the Gnome
Top o’ the mornin’, gnomies!
Just like you humans, we gnomes have mothers. This female life source tends to offer advice and recommendations, even when our step slows down and out beards turn gray. Sometimes, we brush off our moms’ words as being just plain silly. But other times, mommas offer seriously legit advice.
I received an email forward today from my gnome momma today. The email included a link to a website, Garden Fun. When you take a look at this page, you might first think that these gnomes are for sale.
NOT TRUE!
Sites like this are actually social media resources for us gnomes. They let us locate and communicate directly with our distant cousins via the Interweb. While we may no longer have the addresses or phone numbers for our relatives, sites like Garden Fun let us “online stalk” our kinda-sorta-loved ones and track them down (whether they want to be or not).
Do you want to eat some good tacos with your Mexican great-uncle, El Gnombre?
Want to ask out that girl you met in the bar, Marilyn Monroe the Gnome?
Pick up some latkes from cousin, Shalon Gnome?
Or arrange a hunting trip with the Butch Huntress Gnome, your long lost sister-in-law?
So don’t feel bad for the gnomes listed on Garden Fun. They’re not for sale and they’re not being held captive against their will. Thanks to sites like this, we can chat and meet up with all of the aforementioned extended family…. and many others we’d tried to forget about for so long.
Have a most splendid day!
Spechelle The Gnome