Cupcakes and Cannibalism

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The sheer fact that there are a crap ton of gnomes in the world makes it likely that every day is some gnome’s birthday. So tell me…which of you buggas has a birthday today?

It’s not me…I’m just trying to find an excuse to celebrate and drink all day 🙂

What do gnomes want for their birthdays? Well I’ll tell you one thing they DON’T want….a stinkin’ human-made birthday cake! Gnomes are much more creative with their birthday treats. Why not make these cupcakes for your buddy down the street instead?

Gnome cupcake

And no, it’s not cannibalism. I already cleared it with our spiritual leader, EvanGelical the Gnome. He confirmed that if a gnome is made of artificial sugar, then he is okay to eat. More on gnomish cannibalism in a future post….hooray!

I am concerned, however, that this little guy’s right foot is detached. The deformed must be eaten…these are the ways of our ancestors! Ahem.

I mean, uh, happy birthday to someone!
Pablo the Gnome

A Gnome Named Larry in Philly

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POSTED: Sunday, March 3, 2013, 1:10 PM
Virginia A. Smith, Inquirer Staff Writer

“Larry’s a new product from Chive, the hipster purveyor of floral vessels and accoutrements from Toronto. This year, they have twice the floor space they’ve had in previous years. Larry comes in several colors and he isn’t a vase. He is, in the words of junior sales rep Noel Greaves, “a little guy watching over your kitchen or bathroom.” But he’s sold ($15 for one, $25 for two) as a lawn gnome. Do what you want.

Noel says Larry was created just for the show. Chive uses the flower show as a test market for its products. And this is the only show the company does. So Philly folks, feel proud.

You know, of course, that the Brits are nutty for gnomes, so you’d be within your comfort zone as a flower show-goer this year – the show being Brilliant! and all – to buy a few. Me, I’ll admire on the shelf.”

So I went to the Chive website just to see if they actually were hiding any of these lil’ buggas that were in need of rescue. Blast! Not a damn one! I hope they find their way over to the The Gnome Abode from England and Philly. I just have a hunch they’d be happier with us.

xoxo,
Spechelle The Gnome

Spaghetti and Noodles

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Allow me to introduce you to the new age of the gnome musical revolution. This is the exclusive home for GNOME DUB STEP.

Come into my world of syncopated drum patterns and prominent sub bass frequencies. All performed by yours truly.

I am DJ Spaghetti Sauce.

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I’m stoked to share my latest remix with you. My minions are bustin’ pavement to get you the downloadable studio version, the mix video, and my latest podcast all streaming simulatneously through your eardrums. Blast ’em out yo. You can find me on the keys….

I’d be nowhere without my lady and partner in crime. She is a flamingo and her name is Noodle Sauce. I call her Noodles for short. Shorty for Noodles.

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She’s the real deal….a true queen of electronica. We met in an alley in South London in 2003.

You can find her on the mike. That sweet hook is all her. She has the lungs of an angel.

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I’m in collaboration with master spinner, DJ Gnome. Check his mad spins –

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvg3rrd-ILw

Live, love, drums.
DJ Spaghetti Sauce, The Gnome

There’s a ‘Lawn Gnome’ Concert Venue in Arizona?!

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Concert held at Lawn Gnome to protest proposed
expansion of Loop 202
By , On Wednesday, February 27th, 2013

“Protesting against potential expansion of State Route 202, a benefit concert for the No South Mountain Freeway group was held Saturday night at Lawn Gnome Publishing on Roosevelt Row.lawngnome_post

The group opposes a proposed eight-lane extension of Loop 202 that would run through Ahwatukee. The responsibility for such an extension would fall under the purview of the Arizona Department of Transportation, or ADOT, which has supported the expansion since 1983 through multiple delays caused by shortage of funds and political controversy. The extension could cut into territory of the Gila River Indian Community reservation and the public lands of South Mountain Park.

Folk singers Exploding Oranges, James Keenan of synth-rockers A Life of Science and hardcore punk band Lo Cash Ninjas took to the stage as activists distributed fliers to attendees and spoke about the issue. The concert followed a previous fundraiser at Lawn Gnome in December.

Justine Hecht, a justice studies graduate student at ASU and a member of No South Mountain Freeway, explained that the benefit was more about raising awareness of the issue than raising money.

“When you have a bunch of people, that’s actually a lot more powerful than a bunch of money,” Hecht said.

Aaron Johnson said he allowed No South Mountain Freeway to host their show at his bookstore because he sympathizes with the cause as a focal point of Native American rights and sustainable development.

“It’s become a political issue when it shouldn’t be,” Johnson said. “Build more in already developed areas, and leave the areas outside of our already conquered spectrum.”

But Johnson also said that, beyond his personal views, he felt the show was in line with his vision of his store as a forum for free expression and constructive communication.

“It’s incredible how much people don’t think about freedom of speech,” Johnson said. “That’s really what this place is, a sanctuary of all beliefs, all political ideas, all science, all religion. It’s a way to add to the bigger picture, which is more discourse.”

Okay, what’s playing here next! We have gotta see an upcoming show here!
McCartney the Gnome and Amish Meth Lab Member

Hats & Hobbies! – Gnome Literature Series

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Have you been keeping up with your reading assignments, gnomies?

Do I need to remind you yet again of you first Gnomish literature assignment?

Tisk tisk. Tis all I need to say is TISK FREAKING TISK. Guess I need to catch you all up to speed then, don’t I?

Well the first lesson in Gnomes: Small, Fat, and Fabulous is about GNOME HATS! Hats are probably the most identifying characteristic of gnomes. Therefore, it’s super important that our hats are in tip top shape.

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HIGHLIGHTS ABOUT GNOME HATS

  • Gnome hats date back 400 years
  • Ice cream cones can be used as hat substitutes
  • Gnomes oftentimes hide warm pie in their hats

Get it? Got it? Good.

Time to move on to Chapter 2…gnome hobbies! Yep, we got plenty of ’em, so listen up!

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HIGHLIGHTS ABOUT GNOME HOBBIES

  • Playing electric bagpipes
  • Learning to speak frog languages
  • Joyriding on your lawn mower

Until next time, keep your brain cells moving, gnomes. It’s the only way we can continue getting drunk for the next couple hundred years!

Your literary guru,
The Quick Brown Fox