Meet Pennifer Pennypincher: Lava Beds Adventure Extraordinaire!

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And now, a brief message from your leader, King Jerry the Gnome: 

Lots of new smiling faces join The Gnome Abode from time to time, but only the cream of the crop pass the stringent screening test to write on The Drunk Gnome blog. Allow me to introduce you to Pennifer Pennypincher….take it from here P.

Hey guys! Pennifer here! I’ve traveled all the way from Portland, where I was born at a pottery shop called Mimosa Studios.
Pennifer PennipincherThese are some of my brothers and sisters…perhaps you’ve met some of them?

Shhh! Some of them aren’t yet fully clothed! Don’t censor me on my first post!

Mimosa studiosMy hometown, Mimosa (fitting for THE DRUNK GNOME, wouldn’t you say??!), is running a traveling gnome promotion right now. If you’re perusing through my city, stop in to adopt one of my brothers or sisters. You’ll get to clothe him/her however you like (kinky, eh?) and even receive an adoption certificate.

But the fun doesn’t stop there! Take your new little buddy on wild and crazy adventures, snapping photos along the way, for a chance to win unidentified prizes. My favorite kind!

lava

My new family took me to Lava Beds National Monument in Northern California to kick off my traveling career. As you can see, I’m clutching my cash and my clutch, and I’m ready to rumble.

There’s more than just dried up lava at this place too….THERE’S CAVES!

Some gnomes prefer deep, dark caves to live in, but me? I’m a west coast girl at heart and I like my sunshine.

sunshineOne particular cave was actually called “Sunshine” because, well, sunshine sneaked down there somehow. Like a miracle!

sunlightThere was hiking and wearing hard hats and using flashlights and everything down here! My new gnome family rocks!

Pun intended.

Don’t worry, I’ll limit my punning posts.

Now that I’ve gotten to you to the edge of your seat, you can scoot back now. I may be made of pottery, but I’m no delicate flower and I see lots more adventures in my new future.

xoxo

Pennifer Pennypincher the latest and greatest travel gnome

 

 

The Coolest Grandpa in All of Scotland

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Whew! We’ve just gotten back from a whirlwind west coast tour with lots of gnome sightings along the way. I can barely catch my little gnome breath, but never fear! Plenty of gnomish travel reports are in the works and headed your way soon!

Just as one adventure wraps up, I’ve found another place to go….Scotland!

Photo credit: Daily Mail

Photo credit: Daily Mail

Allow me to introduce you to Robert Rae, a 64-year-old who’s spent the last eight years filling his yard with over 1,000 lawn ornaments. Take browse through the photos in this Daily Mail article to get a glimpse of all the gnomes and gnome friends who’ve taken up residence in Caol – the largest village in Scotland.

“It gives me something to do,” Rae explained. “I never thought it would end up like this when I started but the children enjoy it. There’s still room for more”

MORE?!

Yes, more!

Rae used to be a telephone box cleaner, but couldn’t return to work after having a heart attack. Honestly, lawn ornament decorating seems to be a much more pleasant profession.

He’s won all sorts of awards for his amazingly quirky yard, but some a**hole vandals recently broke in so he had to install surveillance. Our hearts go out to the broken gnomes.

Alright gnomies, let’s pack it up for Scotland, because this place surely deserves a visit!

Friday farewell,
Sheldon the retired, but not entirely retired, travel gnome

Weird Crap People Put in Their Yards (Besides Gnomes)

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I don’t have to remind you that the ultimate lawn decoration is, of course, a gnome. Gnomes and lawns have a long history, rooted in rich tradition and plenty of weird freaking people.

However, from time to time, I must recognize that people put things in their yards other than gnomes. Shrubberies, for instance. Maybe a hydrangea. And sometimes nude Barbie dolls.

While trolling (pun intended) the Interweb today, I came across an obscure piece from a human guest blogger that we’ve featured from time to time. She found a magical place called Barbie Beach, where naked Barbie dolls get to live out their days playing volleyball, jumping on trampolines, and serving their country at war.

Read Nude Barbies in the Front Yard? Only in Georgia.

barbiebeach Fall 2009

In true serendipitous fashion, I also stumbled upon this gem today:

AT-AT

Fallen AT-AT – Photo credit: Andrew Liszewski

It’s called a Fallen AT-AT, which I guess is a Star Wars/Trek thing.

If you prefer crying robots to cheerful little gnomes, this lil’ guy is your destiny! Pick him up on Think Geek for $40.

What other weird crap have you been seeing in people’s yards lately? Post a pic to our Facebook page!

It is my position to support each and every lawn decoration out there…as long as there’s a gnome somewhere in the mix too. Here’s to weird lawns…EVERYWHERE!

XOXO,
Humps, the Landscape Architect Gnome

Meet Shirley Gnome: A Raunchy Canadian Comedy Performer with an Awesome Name

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Anyone who has the last name “Gnome” is A-OK in my book.

I randomly encountered someone who can only be described as my dream girl. Her name is Shirley Gnome and she’s completely and wonderfully inappropriate.

sg

To get what I’m talking about, watch her music video for “Old Man.”

Shirley Gnome is a “self-styled white trash burlesque and comedy performer. Singing her special brand of dirty, crass, and absurd ‘cuntry’ music, Shirley belts out original tunes about the embarrassing, hilarious, and titillating adventures that happen when bodies collide.”

I have yet to hear her sing much about real gnomes, but honestly, I’m a little nervous about what she’d sing anyway.

She’s become pretty popular around Vancouver and scored $20 grand for winning the People Champ of Comedy Competition in 2012 Grand Prize Winner. She’s also been nominated for a 2014 Canadian Comedy Award for Best Variety Act. Right on, m’lady!

sg2

Photo credit: Alex Waterhouse

“If you fancy a wild evening of sexually fueled country rock, then get yourself along to see Shirley Gnome,” proclaimed an Edinburgh Fringe review.

Anyway, I love discovering gnome musicians of all sorts and thought I’d enlighten you about my new obsession today.

Tootaloo gnomies!

xoxo,
Lennon the Gnome

Did your ex-lover leave you with a broken gnome? Send him to London!

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I don’t know about the rest of you gnomes, but I’ve gone through my fair share of heartbreaks breakups over the years.

This means that I’ve been stuck with a house full of painful reminders of love lost – jewelry, photo albums, teddy bears, and (gasp) even underwear. Well apparently now, there’s a place for all these unwanted and unloved things.

The Museum of Broken Relationships is the creation of Croatian ex-lovers Olinka Vištica and Dražen Grubišić. This travelling exhibition will open on 28th June at the Southbank Centre in London and run until August 31st.

And apparently, this sorry excuse for a garden gnome is among the museum’s exhibits:

museum

Photo credit: Daily Mail

Mannequin hands, dreadlocks, and an ax are also on display. What a marvelous idea!

So what’s driving you crazy to look at and provide constant reminders about “what might have been?” I’m starting up a collection to send over to London this weekend, so hit me up!

xoxo,
Roxy the Heartbroken Gnome