Bad Gnomes, Bad Gnomes…Whatcha Gonna Do?

Take a moment out of your drunken Friday stupor to listen to the sirens wailing behind you.

Heh heh made ya look!

That’s probably the Scotch talking. Anyhoo.

Gnomes are being turned into cops, and cops are being turned into gnomes. Or something like that. Police in Durham (UK of course, where else?) have enlisted garden gnomes dressed in uniform to fight crime.

Photo credit: Ceri OakesSWNS.com

Photo credit: Ceri OakesSWNS.com

According to a Daily Mail article, a different gnome representing a different crime will be highlighted in the campaign each week. “Although the introduction of the gnomes is light-hearted and a bit of a gimmick it also has a real purpose for us,” said Chief Constable Mike Barton.

So what are the gnomes specifically fighting against? Theft, drunk driving and shoplifting. Road safety, cycle security, and neighborhood watch are also up for grabs.

I also read that a concrete business in Darlington, Dekra Crete, created the cop gnomes for local law enforcement free of charge. Mad props to local potter, Annette Metcalfe, who painted each one by hand.

Photo credit: Ceri OakesSWNS.com

Photo credit: Ceri OakesSWNS.com

So keep your eye out for these lil’ buggas if you’re in the area, because if you spot all 10, you might just win a prize!

DISCLAIMER: This is a “nudge nudge wink wink” to American police forces, who are entirely too stuffy for their own dang good. Bring on the gnomes. We know how to start shenanigans, which means we kinda sorta know how to stop ’em.

Stay safe out there, kiddos.
Lieutenant SpeakNoGnome the Gnome, Battalion 36

Warning: Gnomes Cause Vehicular Damage

BREAKING NEWS:

A parked car in Wesley Close, Charmouth, was damaged by a garden gnome when the heavy concrete ornament was placed on the vehicle’s roof.

Last Sunday, a black Citroen DS3 fell victim to a gnome who was ON A RAMPAGE.

Photo credit: Big Kid Small City

The unidentified gnome smashed in the car’s rear windscreen and offside rear window. British people are so weird….what the heck are those car parts?! In America, we just call ’em all windows.

Anyway.

Gnomes like this give us a bad reputation. If you have any information as to where this gnome is from, what his name is, or what his deal is, you might want to call the police. Apparently, the shit went down on 2/23/14 between 1:30 am and 2 am. Get your facts straight and no blackmailing, okay?

P.S. – The crime reference number is 007708.

Your local law enforcer,
SpeakNoGnome, the gnome