Happy Presidents’ Day From Our Most Presidential Gnomes

May I present ya’ll with ObamaGnome!

obamagnomeOh and here he is in a different outfit.

Obama-GnomeAnyone run into any other PresidentGnomes today? I think most of them have passed on to the gnomish afterlife, but just curious. Chance encounters with politicians has become my new specialty. Send the old hoots my way, will ya?

xoxo,
Trixie the biker chick gnome

Vintage 1978 Plush Forest Gnome Arrives at The Gnome Abode

Drunk gnomes love good company. And yesterday, we received a sparkling new addition to our family.

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This little guy showed up at our doorstep most unexpectedly. I nearly turned the postman away, telling him that I hadn’t ordered any more cases of wine and that I didn’t appreciate solicitation.

Fortunately, some of the more sober gnomes in the house persuaded me to take in the package and begin tearing the cardboard box away. photo (1)

He seemed a little frazzled as he crawled his way out of the box. You see, he is a vintage 1978 gnome, created in the spirit of Wil Huygen’s legendary book, Gnomes.

We repeatedly asked where he came from, but as a gnome of few words, all he could do was simply gesture at his manufactured labeling.

“Knickerbocker” – read one label.

“Unieboek” – read another.

If you’re unaware, these are big names in the world of gnomes. We quickly realized that we had a full-blown celebrity on our doorstep!

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He’s still a little shy and smells a teensy bit like grandma’s attic. But his fashion sense and hygiene is impeccable. You’d never know that the ole’ bastard is 35 years old in human years. That’s 275 in gnome years – and in the prime of his life, as the box kindly points out.

So let’s all take a moment to welcome our newest addition to The Gnome Abode!

Somebody buy this guy a drink!

And somebody give him a name! Sadly, he doesn’t seem to have arrived with his “Hello, My Name Is…” badge intact.

Cheers buddy!
King Jerry the Gnome

86% of the time, gnomes “go missing” because you bore them

From Your Local Guardian Newspaper:

A missing gnome appeal has gone out from a group of traders after their lucky mascot was snatched from his home beneath a Christmas tree.

The 10in gnome was last seen standing beneath the tree outside Budgens, in Stoneleigh Broadway on December 2, a few days after the street’s festive lights switch-on.

Your Local Guardian: Have you seen the missing gnome?

The theft of the smiling yellow, red and green statue was noticed by Stoneleigh councillor Mike Teasdale the following afternoon.

Coun Teasdale said the gnome had become the area’s unofficial mascot after being placed underneath the Broadway’s Christmas tree for the first time last year.

He said: “He has always been a quiet fellow and is unlikely to have wandered away on his own. 

“To date we have not received any ransom demand, so hopefully he will return, or be returned, in the next few days, and then the manhunt can be called off.

“The Christmas tree that he lived under also appears to have been attacked as some branches have been cut off. ”

Coun Teasdale said the miniature marvel only cost £1, but the community saw him as “our gnome”.

He added: “We would love the gnome back because everybody on the Broadway knew him.”

The councillor said the police have not been informed.

Merry Christmas from the Drunk Gnomes!

Chug-a-lug, gnomies! Tis the season for lots n’ lots of NOG!

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Santa gnome finally showed up. And that baby gnome finally popped out in the manger. So yeah, it’s pretty much a party over here.

Anyhoo – all of us at The Drunk Gnome would like to wish all of you weird Internet stalking weirdos a very merry Christmas.And if you don’t celebrate Christmas, then just look at today as a great excuse to drink without being judged too harshly.

Cheers!

Where to Dress Up Like a Gnome and Drink Beer on Saturday

I won’t hold you in suspense any longer…

It’s Sanford, Florida!

tour-of-gnomes

WHO: Gnomes and humans dressed up like gnomes

WHAT: The 3rd annual Hysterical Tour of Gnomes

WHEN: This Saturday, December 7th from 3-9pm

WHY: Inherently weird people in this Orlando suburb are making fun of the Historic Tour of Homes. According to the Orlando Sentinel, “Instead of strolling through snooty rich people’s houses, revelers on the Tour of Gnomes will stumble through Bad Monkey Tavern (105 W. Second St.),Little Fish Huge Pond (401 S. Sanford Ave.) and three other Sanford bars while dressed as gnomes (or elves, or trolls, or leprechauns — the barkeeps aren’t picky). There will be a costume contest, so sharpen up that pointy hat.”

WHERE: I just typed the addresses above, dum dum.

hysterical-tour-gnomes-34

C’mon people this is a no-brainer. It only costs 10 bucks and you can drink and look like one of us. See ya there?

xoxo,
Ceasar the Florida-bound gnome