Hooray! California Gnomes are Safe!!!

 

oaktowngnomesWhew. What a freaking sigh of relief. Big thanks to our gnome scout BC for keeping us up to date on recent gnomish activism.

According to the Benjamin Sutton of, artinfo.com,

Despite widespread worries that the mysterious Oakland street art gnomes’ days were numbered after Pacific Gas & Electric — to whose utility poles many of the mini-murals have been affixed — threatened to remove hundreds of them, NoCal gnome fans may now breathe a sigh of relief, as the energy company has opted against the mass gnomicide, the San Francisco Chronicle reports.

“We received a great deal of public feedback, so we’re declaring the poles gnome-man’s land. We’re not going to remove them,” Jason King, a spokesperson for PG&E told the Chronicle. “We’re committed to working with the artist, the city and the community to find a peaceful resolution.”

Though the identity of the gnome-painter remains a mystery, he or she sent PG&E an email pleading for leniency in the Lilliputian figures’ treatment. “I’m a resident of Oakland who simply thought this would be a nice way to make my fellow Oaklanders happy and proud,” he or she wrote. “We see too much garbage on the streets here, too many shootings, too much violence, not enough that makes one stop and smile. … They were meant to be an ongoing gift to my community.”

The artist also contacted Oakland City Hall, which convened an emergency meeting with PG&E. “We are holding peace talks in a secret mushroom patch near the Rose Garden,” City Councilwoman Lynette McElhaney’s chief of staff Zac Wald told the Chronicle. “People love the gnomes, and they are District Three residents.”

Let us rejoice with really large mugs of beer!

xoxo,
Spechelle The Gnome

 

Why Dogs Are Really Just Gnomes In Disguise

 

In case you’ve been drinking your brain cells and memory skills away, I invite you to revisit the gnome blog post from January 5th. It’s a post Seamus made regarding his lack of understanding about dogs on the day he met his first one.

IMG_0936

As The Gnome Abode’s animal rights activist, I was called upon to explain and justify these bewildering ancient creatures. Now, I’m a huge supporter of dogs. Do you know why? Because dogs are actually gnomes in disguise!

I know what you’re thinking. But hold on. Now hear me out.

If you trace the genealogical lines back oh say, a couple hundred years…you’ll see that gnomes and dogs are actually distant sixth cousins! Believe it or not, it’s TRUE! IMG_0944

Dogs like to pretend that they are simple animals. What a brilliant idea! If I could have the whole human race convinced that I needed to be fed, walked, and played with on a continual basis…I’d be set for life!

But when your back is turned…dogs start to look just a little more like gnomes…

IMG_1000When they are most relaxed and on the verge of slumber, you can oftentimes make out the shape of a bright red hat atop their heads….if you look at the exact right time. The second that a dog is alarmed or feels a human presence nearby, the gnome hat quickly fades away. It’s really sad how insecure they are.

I encourage all of you dogs out there to fly your gnome hats high! So maybe you don’t want humans to know that you can really take care of yourselves. I get it. But I’m not the only gnome who gets it. We stand beside you in your quest to find your true selves in this life and be the gnomish dogs that you really are.

IMG_1032Don’t worry….I won’t tell any of those stupid humans your secret. Just come to one of council meetings sometime and we’ll show you the true way.Not to force religion on you or anything, but we have a gnomish church now too. All dogs are welcome in our pews!

May the gnome-dog alliance strengthen over time and gain momentum in the days ahead. I’m not sure if any of you pooches and type, but you’re welcome to write a blog post from time to time if you can.

Your animal rights activist and canine supporter,
Ramon LeBeef The Gnome

 

NOW HIRING: Gnome Chef Position Available for Abode Cafeteria

WANTED: An innovative, passionate, and customer-oriented Gnome Chef with 20 years of culinary and operational management experience successfully directing high-performance gnome teams within high-volume, high-profit, full-service restaurant, fine-dining, family-style, in-room service, and catering environments. Effective motivator, mentor, and team-builder accustomed to working under fast-paced, high-stress, time-sensitive gnome conditions.

noodle

Acknowledged for capacity to manage multiple gnome responsibilities simultaneously, proactively resolve issues, consistently exceed key performance objectives, and easily grasp, create, apply, and present new concepts and methods. Articulate gnome communicator and effective trainer dedicated to continuous improvements in quality, productivity, efficiency, and customer service. Strong qualifications in gnome troubleshooting, problem-solving, and team development. Unique ability to interact effectively with all levels of support personnel and management maximizing kitchen productivity and gnome staff performance.

We are tired of eating noodles for every meal. Immediate help requested. Contact me via blog post reply to be considered for this exciting position.

Best of luck,
King Jerry of The Gnome Abode