Like the United States Postal Service, gnomes must endure snow, rain, heat, and gloom of night. Regardless of the weather conditions, gnomes stand post at their designated locations in gardens, forests, and lawns around the world.
We become weathered from the rain and faded from the sun. We begin to lack the luster we once had in our youth. Our paint chips and peels off, while wildlife prospers with brilliant colors all around us….mocking us.
Zookwinkle gave us a great example of this in his recent post about a weathered, green-hatted gnome he met in Squamish, British Columbia.
City dwelling gnomes, like Boris Periwinkle (pictured below) endure different implications of bad weather….TRAFFIC. As you can see, Boris is struggling to drive his gnomemobile to the grocery store in a torrential downpour.
Just when he thought he would be able to make the unprotected left turn at the green light, an asshole cabbie cut him off. The nerve! Driving in rain really wears on a gnome’s soul over time.
Fog presents even more difficulty for gnomes. It’s a well known fact that gnomes’ eyesight is less than spectacular. Fog makes it even harder than usual to find where we left our shoes or set down our beers. This is unnecessarily burdensome.
Shown here is Lil’ Dimwit struggling through a foggy day. Wait a second. Didn’t he just put on a rap show with a fog machine? I think this pic is from his concert last month. That was a good show. Okay never mind…scratch this. Moving on!
Back to Boris, who has particularly shit luck with weather. Shown here is a rare and terrifying phenomenon called a soap storm. While nearly unheard of in the human world, soap storms affect gnomish societies about three times a year.
The sky seems to open up and blasts of menacing soap comes squirts out from all directions. They are an unexplained occurrence and currently under investigation in the GMIFS (Gnomish Meteorological Institute of Freakish Storms).
Like humans, some gnomes are better prepared for storms than others. Pictured here is Tom Skilling Jr., who has appointed himself the meteorologist of The Gnome Abode. He never leaves home without his trusty umbrella and seeks out storms to make himself feel relevant on the evening news.
This pic was taken during Tom’s recent spelunking trip in Costa Rica.
In conclusion, we gnomes are a hearty bunch but we’re sensitive too. Stay tuned for my upcoming “Snow and Ice Edition” of GNOMES AND INCLEMENT WEATHER.
Bringing you doom and gloom in a most pleasant way,
Yankee Doodle The Gnome
But alas, we weren’t able to raise enough gnome rubles to afford the flight again this year 🙁
Do you REALLY think that little gnome is “lost”!? That bastard is having the time of his life! Spending boat loads of cash…riding around dumbly…writing on things!
