Local Officials Investigate”Gnome Sightings” in Switzerland!

PRESS RELEASE FROM SB WIRE

Graubünden, Switzerland — (SBWIRE) — 11/22/2013 — Local officials are investigating a number of “Gnome Sightings” in the Graubünden canton of Switzerland after a local farmer photographed something that some people are claiming “proves that Gnomes are real.” The farmer, who wishes to stay anonymous, setup a hidden motion activated camera after the vegetables in his garden began disappearing. Expecting to catch an unscrupulous neighbor or possibly a rodent, he was shocked by what he saw while reviewing the pictures the next morning.

GNOMESIGHTING“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was just like people had described.” said the man. Although very dark, the images he captured do contain what some people are calling the “Graubünden Gnome.” This follows a rash of reports by locals villagers throughout Graubünden over the last 18 months of “tiny human-like creatures with pointy ears and sharp teeth.”I wanted people to be aware because I don’t know if these things are dangerous” said the farmer. “I have nothing to gain from this. Only ridicule from my neighbors.”

The word Gnome comes from Renaissance Latin gnomus, which first appears in the works of 16th century Swiss alchemist Paracelsus where he perhaps derived the term from Latin gnomos (itself representing a Greek ??-?????, literally “earth-dweller”). Some villages in Graubünden have a history of nome sightings that date back more than 500 years.

Architect David Bianchi was visiting friends in Arosa when he encountered what he describes as a “tiny human-like creature with pointy ears and sharp teeth.” “I grabbed a light and went outside to investigate a strange noise I heard by the garden.” said Bianchi. “I could see a small figure of no more than 30 centimeters moving in the plants.” I thought maybe it was an animal or a small child but when I shined my light on it I could see it was neither.” “It had wrinkles like an old person but it was no person. It had sharp ears and teeth and you could see veins through it’s skin. I froze briefly until it hissed and ran away.” Binachi was at first hesitant to discuss the encounter with anyone. “I grew up in Meiringen where many people claimed to see river monsters in the Arre River and I always thought they were crazy.”

The photos are being investigated by James Moore of the Gnome Society which claims to be the largest “gnomologic community” in the world. “We are running extensive tests on these photos to determine their authenticity but everything so far leads us to believe that these are genuine.” Mr. Moore expects the tests to be completed within two weeks. In the meantime, many villages in Graubünden are recommending that small children don’t go outside after dark.

View The Gnome Pictures Here

About the Gnome Society
Gnome Society is the original and largest gnomologic community of scientists, historians, journalists, and specialists from diverse backgrounds. The Gnome Society is considered the most credible and respected source in Gnomology.

The Gnome Society organizes, investigates and reports gnomologic encounters and directs expeditions to places where the encounters have occurred.

Gnomes Support MOvember with Sexy ‘Staches!

From what I understand, Movember is a human charity that aims to raise awareness (and dollars) about messed up man parts. Dudes grow mustaches and WABAMMM! Man parts be cured!

And just because I’ve never heard of a documented case of gnome testicular cancer or gnome prostate cancer, doesn’t mean our gnome parts are safe. If mustaches can keep us safe too, then I’m all for it.

I hereby declare that we gnomes are jumping on board the Movember bandwagon!

Actually, it wasn’t a difficult bandwagon to jump on since many of us have been sporting mustaches since the beginning of time. Here’s a few of the best ‘staches around the Gnome Abode:

Caesar likes to lick the frothy goodness from his cappuccino off his 'stache. Leftover flavors from last night's dinner make froth even tastier.

Caesar likes to lick the frothy goodness from his cappuccino off his ‘stache. Leftover flavors from last night’s dinner make froth even tastier.

Zombies beware! This gun-wielding gnome just got a little more dangerous with a 'stache and matching satchel.

Zombies beware! This gun-wielding gnome just got a little more dangerous with a ‘stache and matching satchel.

IGetKnockedDown (the turtle) finds Chumbawamba's 'stache irresistible. Sexy facial hair improves dancing balance too!

IGetKnockedDown (the turtle) finds Chumbawamba’s ‘stache irresistible. Well-groomed facial hair improves dancing balance too!

Not all gnomes are capable of growing badass ‘staches, but those who can should rock ’em. Here’s to healthy gnome parts and vibrant upper lip hair!

Peace out,
Leonardo the Gnome

A Shout Out to All Gnome Veterans

Gnomes tend to be lovers, not fighters. But sometimes, we are called on to defend ourselves and the liberties of all gnomekind. We may be small, but we know how to kick you in the shin and give you a hearty dose of name-calling.

So here’s a shout out to all gnome veterans who have proudly served The Gnome Abode in times of peace, war, and drunken stupors.

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These brave dude and lady gnomes have carried heavy ceramic guns, even when their weary, miniature arms would rather be double-fisting bottles of rum.

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These righteous soldier gnomes have worn camouflage even when it looks terrible with their skin tones.

And these hardcore badasses have kept our fortresses full of liquor, no matter what the cost.

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So here’s to you, gnome soldiers! May you continue to fight so we can drink!

We salute you. Cheers!

Your Majesty,
King Jerry the Gnome

Gnomes, Literature, and Parasitic Plants

Many of us at the Gnome Abode have weird freaking names. There’s DoorsOpenOnTheLeftAtClarkAndLake, ChumbawambaIGetKnockedDown, and don’t even get me started on Bernastacio Socatine de la Guadalupe Sanches Garza.

Well today, I stumbled across a gardening article that discussed a gnome that shares a name with a parasitic plant.

Random enough for your Monday? I thought so.

greyThe Little Grey Men is a book about the last four remaining gnomes in Britain. The three most important ones are Dodder, Sneezewort, and Baldmoney. Dodder the gnome, apparently shares his name with a parasitic plant that creates havoc in the world of botany.

In the book, Dodder is the oldest and wisest of the gnomes. He has a wooden leg and a long beard that he dyed with walnut juice. How resourceful.

dodderDodder, the plant, is pretty whack because it doesn’t have any chlorophyll. To take you back to elementary school science class, that’s the stuff that makes plants green.

dodder_1Apparently, golden dodder originates from North America and damages crops. However, the WORD “dodder” originates from Germany and means egg yolk. The plant has all kinds of secret identities/multiple personalities and has also been called by the names, Beggar Vine, Love Vine, and Strangleweed.

The dodder plant’s purpose in life is to latch onto other plants and remove their nutrients. How rude.

What is my point in all of this? Well I don’t really have one. Except to point out how weird our names are, and therefore how weird we gnomes are too.

Mind your gardens, folks!

Love truly,
LurleenLumpkinSittingOnAPumpkin the gnome

Gnomes Head to Jamaica for Lunch

It’s a little after 2pm on a Thursday afternoon. Where did you go for lunch?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe 9-5 gnomes running around here tend to stuff a turkey and cheese sandwich and a banana into a mini-cooler and schlep it over their shoulder on the way to the train. They shove said sandwich and fruit into their mouths while frantically typing on a glowing box with buttons without missing a beat. Meanwhile, gnomes become disgruntled. Meanwhile, said box becomes utterly disgusting.

Here at The Gnome Abode, we have started a new initiative. It’s called DON’T EAT OVER YOUR COMPUTER, YOU IDIOT!

Here’s how it works:

  1. Step away from computer 
  2. Find food
  3. Eat food
  4. Go back to computer

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERATo commemorate day #1 of this new initiative, we went to Jamaica. I’ll try to make you believe this was REAL Jamaica, but it actually was in Texas….just a short drive from the San Antonio airport.

I stumbled (laptop free) into this little hole-in-the-wall called Jamaica Jamaica. Yes, clever name….I know. There were lots of military humans eating inside because I guess there’s a base nearby and they get a discount.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThey played an awesome mix of old and new reggae music and the place had a super-friendly vibe, thanks to all the comments written directly on the wall with marker. We wrote a little something ourselves 🙂

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe food knocked my socks off. As an 84% vegetarian, I choose the spiced tofu with rice & beans and plantains. I snapped a pic of my buddy Zookwinkle here next to it! I’d eat that stuff every day if some Jamaican dude served it up to me.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMy only complaint is the lack of booze. However, there was huge sign posted about them getting a liquor license soon. Guess I’ll have to come back!

Although we didn’t have to take a boat to get there, Jamaica Jamaica is well worth a detour the size of Texas. I’m looking forward to see where our gnomes travel to next for anti-computer lunch!

xoxo,
Spechelle your favorite lady gnome