A Gnome’s Obsession With Blueberry Beer

In case you weren’t aware, berries are one of the primary food sources for gnomes. As long as they’re not the poisonous ones, we’re all about blackberries, strawberries, cherries, and gooseberries. However, my personal favorite has always been the blueberry.

In case you’ve been living in a hole, you’ve noticed that Zookwinkle and I have been traveling throughout the Northeastern United States, which is a mecca for blueberries. Especially in the state of Maine, blueberries are in everything! Pies, candles, ice cream…and even beer!

Here’s a few of my very favorite blueberry beers that I’ve discovered during my drunk travels:

1. Sea Dog Blueberry Wheat Ale (Maine)

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2. Bar Harbor Blueberry Ale (Maine)

3. Moat Mountain Violet B’s Blueberry (New Hampshire)

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4. Portsmouth Bluebeery Ale (New Hampshire)

5. Newport Storm Blueberry (Rhode Island)

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERADo you guys know of any other blueberry beers? These are the ones I’ve been drinking lately, but surely there are more! Feed a gnome’s fruity-boozy obsession, will ya?!

xoxo,
Rubber the Gnome

 

Evidence of Gnome Colonization in Toronto

It’s not uncommon for me to introduce myself to gnomes that I meet in gardens or humans’ yards as I’ve traveling around the world. While biking my little gnome legs through Toronto recently, I rode past a yard that could have caught my eye from a mile away.

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Probably 40 or 50 gnomes were lurking about in a particular yard on Marcos Street!

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I screeched to a halt and popped off my bike to say hello to a human gardener, who seems to be providing luxury housing for a large population of gnomes. The gardener’s name was Walter and he invited me to mosey on around his yard and introduce myself to the various Canadian gnomes.

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It’s people like Walter who restore the little bit of faith I have left in the human race these days. If you’ve kept up with our Gnome News Section, you probably have as negative of an impression of humans as I do. People stealing gnomes, breaking gnomes with windows, creating horrendous advertisements with gnomes….you name it, people kinda suck.

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But Walter was an alright guy, and I’m happy to see how well his colony gnomes are living up in Toronto.

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So if you stumble upon a colony of gnomes in a yard near you, make sure to send the address my way so I can be sure to visit when I’m in the area.

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May the luck of the gnome sightings be with you,
Zookwinkle the uber-social travel gnome

Gnome Sighting in Woodstock, New Hampshire!

There’s a magical place in the hidden town of Woodstock, Hampshire that brews delicious beer. My little gnome nose always directs me to places just like this.

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Humans climb the walls just to get inside. Fortunately, the oldness of the building lets us wee ones slip through the cracks and up to the bar.

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As I stumbled back to my horse-drawn carriage after more than my rationed share off Pig’s Ear Brown Ale. The Woodstock Brewery is pretty much a town in and of itself, so it took awhile to find my way out of it. There’s an inn, a restaurant, a downstairs pub, and lots of tiny rooms that surely shady shit is going down in.

I thought I was hallucinating at first, but I saw two gnomes nearly side by side across the street. The first sighting was a tattoo parlor called Millennium Tattoo, which has been around since ’92.

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Perhaps it’s a wizard in disguise, but whatever…I think it’s a gnome and I’m sticking to it. Stayed tuned for further investigation into gnome tattoos!

Next, I spotted a gnome within an array of miscellaneous garden ornaments at the store next door, called Sunburst.

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The store looked pretty rad, but I was smoking a cigar at the time so they wouldn’t let me in.

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Anyhoo, it’s feels good to keep seeing gnomes living around the Northeast. And believe it or not, they’re not all prepsters out here either. White trash is white trash is white trash, no matter what the zip code. Needless to say, this little rubber gnome fits right in 🙂

‘Til next time,
Rubber the stinkin’ drinkin’ gnome

A Gnome Swallowed by the Sea

Gnomes from the Midwest aren’t exactly used to checking the local paper for the tide schedule.

As part of my gnomish tour of the Northeast, I arrived in Maine the other day and checked into a tree stump on the outskirts of Bar Harbor. My stump host informed me about the free L.L. Bean shuttle that drops humans and gnomes off in Acadia National Park. I went on a short hike in hopes of tasting ocean water. I’d recently run out of potato chips and I was having a crazy strong craving for salt.

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Apparently, the second daily high tides have been coming in during the early evening hours. That’s what the rescue crew told me when I got stranded on this here rock yesterday anyway.

Some gnomes (like Sheldon) have been known to swim, but I most certainly cannot. After being swallowed by the sea, I had no choice but to cling onto these sturdy blades of grass and belt out Journey songs ’til some Asian family spotted me from across the beach.

I’d like to extend a hearty “thank you” to the U.S. Coast Guard at this point. You guys aren’t going to charge me anything, are you?

Still drip-drying off,
Zookwinkle, the non-aquatic travel gnome

P.S. – Salt water doesn’t satisfying cravings like you’d expect it to. 

Classified Ad: Knitted/Cloth Gnomes Wanted

I read an article today about knitted gnomes helping to raise a bunch of gnomes for some blokes in England. We sure are the philanthropists, aren’t we?!

Those gnomes were raising money for some dumb school, but that’s not the point of this blog post. Where are these knitted gnomes hiding and how can we get more of them to join our Travel and Adventure department?

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Fragile ceramic gnomes are getting injured every day in the line of duty. Knitted gnomes would be much more suited for the travel industry because of their seemingly unbreakable nature.

I hereby call out to all gnomes made of cloth-like fabric to SHOW YOURSELVES!

Even if you’re a stuffed Santa Claus (i.e. gnome poser), our talented physician specializes in a brand new (never been tried) transformational surgery that will have you looking more gnome-like in no time.

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Travel and Adventure Gnome Specialists get an opportunity to see the world in a way that average garden and woodland gnomes only dream of.

Knitted Gnomes

Submit your resume via blog post today and put your cloth-like exterior to use for once!

Sincerely,
King Jerry of the Gnomes

 

Photo credit: Gingerbread Cottage