Category Archives: World Traveler Gnomes

A travel blog about all the places we get to see when Master Alyssa lets us tag along

Post-Climbing Brews at Moat Mountain – New Hampshire

Posted on by
Reply

Howdy folks, your favorite travel gnome here! You might have seen my buddy Rubber’s recent post about going rock climbing in New Hampshire.

Well we climbed alright, and climbing is really difficult for gnomes. Our legs are short, our arms are weak, and our bellies are somewhat large. For you humans, rock climbing might involve going several feet into the air. For gnomes, we’re generally satisfied with climbing a couple of inches. I mean seriously…some of us are barely a couple inches tall in the first place!

gnomeclimb

No matter who you are though, climbing makes you thirsty. And nothing quenches post-climbing thirst quite like beer. There’s also nothing that feels better than wrapping your sore, tired hands around a frosty pint glass filled with hoppy goodness.

We celebrated this particular survival on the rocks at Moat Mountain Brewery in North Conway, New Hampshire. I never saw a moat, but I did see a mountain. Therefore, I gave the brewery a 50/50 chance of impressing me.

The place is in a big yellow house with shit for signage, so I actually passed by it and nearly flipped my gnome jeep trying to get in the parking lot. Things got a little better once I learned they do $5 samplers.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Violet’s Blueberry was definitely my favorite beer of the bunch. It had a yummy smell that reminded me of blueberry muffins. Unlike other fruity beers, it wasn’t over-carbonated either.

I didn’t have many thoughts flowing through my little gnome brain as I drank the Iron Mike Pale Ale or the Czech Pilsner. The Bone Shaker Brown pleasantly surprised me though. It had a roasted, nutty taste, a translucent color, and a full-bodied taste without any annoying bitterness. The Square Tail Stout was quite nice too with its roasted flavor.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I watched some soccer on the flat screen TV even though I don’t understand why that ball is so worthy of running after.

To top off my drinking day, Rubber and I split a 16 oz Belgian Triple, which was so sweet that a couple of my precious gnome teeth rotted out right then and there.

My expert recommendation? Stop in for a Violet’s Blueberry 22 oz bomber to-go and hike around the mountains ’til a moat magically appears in a drunken hallucination.

Cheers!
Zookwinkle the drinking/traveling gnome

Gnome Sighting in Vermont Frog Shop!

Posted on by
Reply

While biking my little gnome legs around the Vermont countryside, I decided that antiquing would be the right thing to do. After all, all the cool (old) kids are doing it.

My first stop was Tinker’s Antique Barn. Turns out, bitches are closed on Wednesday. Out of all days, Wednesday? Why Wednesday, praytell? There very well may be gnomes living inside this barn. Must mark calendar to work around THEIR schedule. Hmmph.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

After stopping to gas up at the local station, my next stop was The Green Frog, which was more of a gift shop than an antique shop. This just means stuff is newer. I’m okay with new stuff.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The was one, and only one, gnome living inside this store. We chatted for a moment or two, but he had a pretty narrow worldview and the conversation turned stale in a very short amount of time.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I had the owner take my mug shot by the iconic frog out front and I posed with my very best frog face.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

Humans make that stupid kissy face. Well gnomes, I’m here to start a new trend….the frog face.

i-like-botox-and-orange-tan

Ribbit ribbit,
Zookwinkle the Travel Gnome

Gnomes and Nude Canada Beaches

Posted on by
Reply

 

Perhaps you recall my recent love affair with the promised land of Canada. Along with my trusty monkey companion, Peso, I traveled to Vancouver and Squamish over in British Columbia. I’ve headed a little farther east this time and found myself in Toronto.

What a beautiful city this is! I spent all yesterday riding my little gnome bicycle around Toronto Island, which was a most magnificent park on the other side of a ferry ride.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Unbeknownst to me, my first pit stop happened to be a nude beach near Hanlan’s Point. I met a camel and a monkey…both were completely nude. I thought about shedding a few layers, but honestly I haven’t worked out in months and I’m terribly out of shape. Humans seemed to enjoy walking around in sandals and not much else though.

No one wants to see a gnome with rolls.

On my way back to the dorm-like cheap motel in Scarborough, I stopped at a Shoppers Drug Mart for ice cream. Although the tiny ice cream tubs were out of my daily budget, I did discover gnomes living here!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Canadian gnomes!

I rescued one particular gnome on a stick from captivity. He says his name is Scarborough McCown. He’s an ornithologist.

More (clothing optional) adventures to come!

xoxo,
Zookwinkle the traveling gnome

Goldilocks Gnome and the Search for Hot Springs

Posted on by
Reply

 

Happy Friday, gnomies!

I recently read a brilliant article about humans bathing in soothing hot springs. Since then, I’ve been searching for some hot springs in the world that are, well, more our size and style.

We’d surely drown in these human-sized springs, you see!

I heard Yellowstone was a good place to check out, but as Goldilocks once said….”That hot spring’s TOOOOO big.”

photo (31)

Then I traveled to the tiny town of Thermopolis, Wyoming because I saw a road sign for it and it sounded like a warm place to go.

photo (11)

Cue Goldilocks, “That hot springs is TOOOOO hot!”

I consulted a bathing expert to help me find a size and temperature that perfectly aligns with the gnomish nervous and skeletal system.

photo (15)

This quest led to my untimely demise. I use the word “demise” broadly, as you can clearly tell I’m not typing from the grave. But I am a step closer to it.

I dove into a bathtub upon the recommendation of Sir Soap-on-a-Rope and cracked my poor self into pieces. I am paralyzed and am now on a quest for a gnome-sized wheelchair.

photo (21)

I was once a travel gnome and now I am the voice of the gnomely disabled.

Updates about my new quest will be provided when I’m not crying too hard. Wow this post got really depressing really quick.

Bunnies and sunshine and world peace!
Sheldon the former travel gnome