Hot off the press! International Gnome Club Newsletter – Issue 2-2013

Wait no more!

The moment you’ve been waiting for all your life has arrived!

Issue 2-2013 of the International Gnome Newsletter has arrived!!!

GnomeNewsletter#2-2013

richOne particularly interesting thing I learned about from the newsletter is Gnome Countryside in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. This guy Rich, who goes by “The Gnomeman,” talks about diabetes, meditation, and gnomes in this interview.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vAbylgFFZk

Who would have ever put those three things together? This guy….right here.

gnome countryside_img_0568Dude says he hasn’t ever actually seen a gnome, which seems a little hypocritical in my professional opinion. But regardless, it looks like he has a pretty sweet gig going on over in Amish country. I’ve officially added Gnome Countryside to my travel to-do list.

Wanna stay on top of all the latest gnome news and tip-offs like The Gnomeman’s little wilderness retreat? Join the International Gnome Club and find your sense of self-worth again!

xoxo,
Spechelle the Gnome

*Photo credit: Susquehanna Style

A Gnome’s Obsession With Blueberry Beer

In case you weren’t aware, berries are one of the primary food sources for gnomes. As long as they’re not the poisonous ones, we’re all about blackberries, strawberries, cherries, and gooseberries. However, my personal favorite has always been the blueberry.

In case you’ve been living in a hole, you’ve noticed that Zookwinkle and I have been traveling throughout the Northeastern United States, which is a mecca for blueberries. Especially in the state of Maine, blueberries are in everything! Pies, candles, ice cream…and even beer!

Here’s a few of my very favorite blueberry beers that I’ve discovered during my drunk travels:

1. Sea Dog Blueberry Wheat Ale (Maine)

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2. Bar Harbor Blueberry Ale (Maine)

3. Moat Mountain Violet B’s Blueberry (New Hampshire)

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4. Portsmouth Bluebeery Ale (New Hampshire)

5. Newport Storm Blueberry (Rhode Island)

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERADo you guys know of any other blueberry beers? These are the ones I’ve been drinking lately, but surely there are more! Feed a gnome’s fruity-boozy obsession, will ya?!

xoxo,
Rubber the Gnome

 

Evidence of Gnome Colonization in Toronto

It’s not uncommon for me to introduce myself to gnomes that I meet in gardens or humans’ yards as I’ve traveling around the world. While biking my little gnome legs through Toronto recently, I rode past a yard that could have caught my eye from a mile away.

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Probably 40 or 50 gnomes were lurking about in a particular yard on Marcos Street!

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I screeched to a halt and popped off my bike to say hello to a human gardener, who seems to be providing luxury housing for a large population of gnomes. The gardener’s name was Walter and he invited me to mosey on around his yard and introduce myself to the various Canadian gnomes.

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It’s people like Walter who restore the little bit of faith I have left in the human race these days. If you’ve kept up with our Gnome News Section, you probably have as negative of an impression of humans as I do. People stealing gnomes, breaking gnomes with windows, creating horrendous advertisements with gnomes….you name it, people kinda suck.

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But Walter was an alright guy, and I’m happy to see how well his colony gnomes are living up in Toronto.

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So if you stumble upon a colony of gnomes in a yard near you, make sure to send the address my way so I can be sure to visit when I’m in the area.

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May the luck of the gnome sightings be with you,
Zookwinkle the uber-social travel gnome

Ex-cop and bailiff accused of breaking neighbor’s window with garden gnome

*Shared from the Sun Sentinel because well, we just had to…

By Barbara HijekFloriDUH7:20 a.m. EDT, July 8, 2013

sfl-flduh-garden-gnome-20130707-001

This 71-year-old retired bailiff and former New York cop should’ve gnome better.

Robert Willmarth, 71, of Jensen Beach, is accused of hurling a cement gnome statue through a neighbor’s window and is also a suspected of setting fires to homes and cars in his own neighborhood, reports The Palm Beach Post.

After detectived showed Willmarth a surveillance video of him throwing the garden gnome into a window of his neighbor’s home while they were away on vacation, he allegedly told them he did it because the neighbor had “just busted my chops the other day,” according to the report.

It sounds like he needed some chop busting.

It’s also not the first time somebody used a garden gnome to committ a crime –  Woman accused of striking man with garden ornament.

People, people…please! Just use a rock and leave us out of it!!!

Signing off,
Humps the Gnome

Gnome Sighting in Woodstock, New Hampshire!

There’s a magical place in the hidden town of Woodstock, Hampshire that brews delicious beer. My little gnome nose always directs me to places just like this.

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Humans climb the walls just to get inside. Fortunately, the oldness of the building lets us wee ones slip through the cracks and up to the bar.

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As I stumbled back to my horse-drawn carriage after more than my rationed share off Pig’s Ear Brown Ale. The Woodstock Brewery is pretty much a town in and of itself, so it took awhile to find my way out of it. There’s an inn, a restaurant, a downstairs pub, and lots of tiny rooms that surely shady shit is going down in.

I thought I was hallucinating at first, but I saw two gnomes nearly side by side across the street. The first sighting was a tattoo parlor called Millennium Tattoo, which has been around since ’92.

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Perhaps it’s a wizard in disguise, but whatever…I think it’s a gnome and I’m sticking to it. Stayed tuned for further investigation into gnome tattoos!

Next, I spotted a gnome within an array of miscellaneous garden ornaments at the store next door, called Sunburst.

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The store looked pretty rad, but I was smoking a cigar at the time so they wouldn’t let me in.

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Anyhoo, it’s feels good to keep seeing gnomes living around the Northeast. And believe it or not, they’re not all prepsters out here either. White trash is white trash is white trash, no matter what the zip code. Needless to say, this little rubber gnome fits right in 🙂

‘Til next time,
Rubber the stinkin’ drinkin’ gnome