Ahhhh….
Hammock Lovin’ Trixie at Happy Holiday RV Park, Rapid City, SD
Happy Friday, gnomes!
Now somebody pass me a goddamn beer. And don’t lecture me about sunburns.
xoxo,
Trixie The Badass Biker Chick Gnome
We interrupt your regularly-scheduled blog following to bring you an important message. Legendary travel gnome, Sheldon, has been brutally injured in the field of travel duty.
He was last spotted in one piece at the Hot Springs State Park in Thermopolos, Wyoming. The cause of Sheldon’s injury remains unknown at this time.
This is particularly devastating news because Sheldon was already a victim of assault and a recovering broken limb victim. Please refer back to a July 2012 article about Sheldon’s unfortunate mishap in Austin, Texas.
The trip that Sheldon was currently on has been referred to as his “comeback.” He’s been challenged by up-and-comers, Zookwinkle and Rubber. Will the comeback trip become Sheldon’s very last? Can he ever recover from missing one and a half legs?
Stay tuned for details about the poor sap as they become available from Gnome General Hospital.
Your loyal reporter,
Sketchy Andy The Gnome
As I hinted at before, Montana has a good number of breweries. Billings, in particular, has four! I think I may have just found my dream town!
On my Billings brewery tour the other day, I stopped by Carter’s Brewing Company. I didn’t know who Carter was, so I asked. The dude on their website is wearing a monk robe and holding a baby. That baby’s name is Carter. What a lucky baby to have a brewery named after him!
I must admit, I felt a little out of place walking up to the front door at Carter’s. It gave off a hard rock biker vibe and there was a metal band from Oregon setting up as I walked past them. It was like they’d never seen a gnome in a bar before!
Once I navigated through the drum sets, I found a casino room and a whole lot of mind-shattering noise. As typical, I bought a flight and settled in to a long table near the back. It was a pretty bare-bones kind of spot, with plenty of barrels and vats to drool over.
Here’s what I tried:
The Farmhouse was definitely my fave. Although it was somewhat standard, it was smooth and done well. I promptly bought a growler of it!
To escape the eardrum-bursting noise, I scurried out the back door to take some sips near the train tracks. These Montanans do love their warehouse train track locations…and after finishing off the growler, so did I.
Yours in drunkenness,
Rubber the Drunk Gnome
Gnomes just keep popping in California. Not even Napa Valley is safe!
According to an article today in the Napa Valley Register, paintings of gnomes and mushrooms are springing up all over wine country. The 4×5 inch wooden paintings attached to trees and utility poles are wonderfully reminiscent of the recent gnome sightings in Oakland, California.
It seems the gnomes are making their way throughout the state!
Some of these new Napa gnomes are even wearing kilts. Now, I’m not so sure about that. None of us have ever worn a kilt. I don’t even know any Scottish gnomes. Someone, please explain this kilt-wearing to me.
If you’re in the Napa area, check for these newbies on Imola and Jefferson streets. It seems that the utility companies aren’t even gonna try to mess with these Napa gnomes. Hooray! They’re safe!
Things brings me to my next point…Lamignomes. Have you ever seen a laminated gnome on a Popsicle stick in a weird location. Well if you haven’t, you probably will soon enough.
Rumor has it that TheDrunkGnome is in collaboration with www.lamignomes.com, which is a delightful work in progress. Although these allegations are unconfirmed, stay tuned for updates about laminated gnomes, where they’re hiding, and how to keep track of them.
All in all, we are really loving all of the gnome artists that keep making news around the country. Keep up the good work!
Love,
Horace the Gnome
Photo Credit: J.L. Sousa via Napa Valley Register/Tom Borowski via Flickr
According to the Staten Island Advance, a gnome is leading the charge against litterers in New York. You go, gnome!
“We want to be known as the borough of parks, not the borough of litter,” Deputy Borough President Ed Burke said, against a backdrop of empty beer cans and dumped tires.
My fellow environmental activist gnome, who goes by Garbage Gary, is set to make an announcement in the near future. So clean up yo’ shit, Staten Island or you’ll have a whole heap of pissed off gnomes banging down your garbage-filled houses.
Happy Earth Day, everyone!
Peace,
Ramon LeBeef the Gnome
Photo credit: Ryan Lavis